The Judged Whirlwind of Adolescence

I have been working with children for over two years now and the patience I take pride in is fading like Elliot on the operating table after the government separated, he and E.T. The age group I work with is mostly pre-teens and teens. My job offers a lot of unhelpful trainings. They got one right with the “What’s Up With Teens? Understanding Typical Adolescent Development” training through Vibrant Emotional Health. It made me realize that I never fully comprehended the extent and severity of the chaos of the teenage mind, especially when I was submerged under that chaos. You are lacking so much and gaining so much all at once that your mind and body is on overload.

I am in the next chapter of life and have been for a while now. I will be 26 years old in 15 days, nearing the other side of that journey to 30. Though I never thought it would happen to me. Probably because I did not think I would ever move past that time in my life. The teenage years are so capsulizing that it leaves you convinced life will not press the release lever, freeing you from the confines of adolescence. Teen angst is like a baby Tasmanian Devil (Taz) trying to understand his power and frustration. Spinning with confusion, uncertainty, and irritability.

They Might Be Giants- Boss of Me

I know I had not reached my teen years when I first heard this song because it was the theme song of Malcolm in the Middle. My addiction to re-runs, ensured my continued connection to this song when I could relate to it the most. It is an anthem for the desperation for independence you feel as a child. I can still see myself nodding my head fast to the beat of the song. Singing the song abnormally loud, trying to send a message to whichever older member of my family had upset me, whether they were aware of their transgressions or not. After you let out your frustrations with the fast-paced, rebellious tone of the song it ends on such a perfect, accurate note. “Life is unfair.” A fact that leaves you depleted after your grand, repetitive, and indignant claims.

Monica- Don’t Take It Personal (Just One Of Them Days)

I must have heard this song before my menstrual cycle made its entry into my life but once it became a monthly recurrence, I bopped to Monica’s bop differently. She was singing a song from a perspective that gets hushed. We’re not supposed to talk about how we feel for that week. No consideration for the emotional and physical toll being taken on our bodies. I used to throw up and lay on the floor in the fetal position. My mood was even more feeble and unsteady than that. Afterward, I would feel so guilty for the lack of control I had over the things that came out of my mouth. I wish people would take heed of the lyrics to this tune.

Just one of them days

That a girl goes through

When I'm angry inside

Don't want to take it out on you

Just one of them days

Don't take it personal

I just wanna be all alone

And you think I treat you wrong

Don't take it personal

Baby baby baby baby, don't take it personal

All American Rejects- Gives you Hell

I loved this video. The lead singer of the band plays two different characters who live conflicting lives. They are neighbors who hate each other and purposely irritate one another. The lyrics, his voice, the guitar and piano really made me obsessed with this song though. It is the ideal song to scream when you are thinking of a person who aggravates you to no end. I absolutely go off (I mean I used to go off) when the song breaks down.

Now you'll never see

What you've done to me

You can take back your memories

They're no good to me

And here's all your lies

You can't look me in the eyes

With the sad, sad look

That you wear so well

2pac- Trapped

Tupac is one of my favorite artists of all time. He removed all restrictions my naïve mind had on hip hop as a child, the instant I heard Brenda's Got A Baby. On Trapped, Tupac did more than tell a story, he emanated the reality for so many young people. Every race and gender deals with the struggles of being a teenager. This song tells the added stress of being a Black teenager. He reminds everyone that a Black child is not considered a child in America. Pac’s vulnerability is breathtaking. I felt that helplessness as a teen and sadly that feeling is something that stays with you, even if you get the chance to make it past 25. I remember going to the movie theater to see Fruitvale Station. My friend and I cried several times throughout the film. Walking out we were still uncontrollably sniffling. We already knew that the way Oscar Grant III was murdered could be the fate of our brothers, but that sentiment were the only words we could coherently vocalize. As disheartening as the reality 2Pac rhymes about is, he constantly reassures his people with the line “They can’t keep a Black man down.”

Stetasonic- I Ain’t Making It

This song is on the soundtrack of my favorite movie, Lean On Me. I won’t lie and say how old I was when I first saw that movie and by association first heard this song. I know early on I would dance to the song. Time helped me grasp the power of the film and the intensity of the lyrics of this song. I Ain’t Making It conveys hopelessness in a way that is demoralizing. The experiences they rhyme about are overwhelming as isolated circumstances but imagine dealing with the combination of all that suffering. The script and the actors do a phenomenal job showing the difficulties the students at East Side High endured, and this song made their pain palpable.

King Krule- Cementality

I will not belabor the impact this man had on the end of my teen years because it is not fair to you, the reader. Until the day I die I will be grateful for this man who I will probably never meet. A voice so magnetic. A tone so uninhibited. I remember trying and failing to express how much this song meant to me. Walking around the house singing this melancholy song, with concerned stares from my family. I really can’t blame them.

See, the cement has never meant so much

My hot head cools to the stone-cold touch

I look to settle my seat with the dust

Brain, leave me be, can’t you see that these eyes are shut

By the end of the song, I would be smiling, feeling soothed.

Adele- Chasing Pavements

My first introduction to Adele, who let’s be honest is a gift to us all and needs to come out with 30 soon. (I have no idea if that is going to be the name of her next album.) I must have been watching TRL when I saw this video. This song asks the questions that circulate your mind when you are going through a big change. I would be near tears trying make decisions on whatever was emotionally paralyzing me at the time.

Bibi Bourelly- Ego

It might seem like I am exaggerating but part of the credit for the longevity of my tattered sanity through my teen years goes to channel 188 MTV Hits and 189-VH1 Soul (if you had Optimum Cablevision). This song was one of my saving graces. I am sure I was up late for no clear-cut reason at all and then I heard that voice. Pissed off, with conviction, pain, and confidence. I was hooked before she gave the first line of the song, but when she did deliver that first line “I’m nineteen years old with a big ego” I just knew she was singing to me. That song was everything I wanted to be in life, summed up in 3 minutes and 49 seconds. A section of my soul could see the greatness in me. I was doing things I never planned to and more specifically pushing through more stress than ever. I was in the middle of my second short film, my first year of college and my father’s 2nd serious illness. The whole song with extra emphasis on the chorus would get screamed out in my brain (out loud if no one was home.)

You won’t bring me down, down, d-d-down

Down, d-d-down, down, d-d-down

You won’t bring me down, down, d-d-down

Down, d-d-down, down, d-d-down

You got me fucked up

You got me fucked up, oh Lord

It was a test of the capacity of my restraint, to not put every song that aided me through my teen years. My ability to control myself and put a reasonable number of songs can only be equated to me no longer being a teenager.