Am I okay?

Am I okay? When everything is not right, I accept myself How do I accept myself even when everything is not right My thoughts, my wrong decisions, follow me like my own shadow.

And I give up… catch up again.

But the more I hate my faults, the more they cling to me.

And I think,

"Will I ever be able to let go of myself?"

I don't know.

Sometimes I feel like I really want to be someone who can understand the future without being infatuated with instant gratification. Who can turn away from their harmful habits with courage. I want to be,

Intelligent. Calm. Mature.

But how many times do I step into that familiar hole.

I push myself, and then I raise my hand to myself.

Sometimes I want to give up. Then I lie down on the ground.

Just lie down.

Maybe an ant suddenly bites my cheek, or the itch of the grass reminds me, "You are still alive."

Then I look up.

Blue sky. Clouds. Light breeze. Tree branches sway.

The moon sees me. They blink.

I breathe. Feel… how I am.

Maybe a little sad. Maybe a little angry.

Maybe tears come to my eyes, or I sing an old song without even realizing it.

At that moment I understand,

Being alive does not always mean being strong.

Sometimes being alive means just being, just being yourself.

I'm tired, but I want to make myself present in front of everyone without being tired.

I remind myself –

I am still part of the world.

I am still breathing, that is a lot.

At the end of the day I have to accept myself.

At the end of the day I am me.

I may be messy, worn out, and sometimes disappointed.

But I am not pitiful – I am human.

There is good in me as well as bad.

I can laugh, love, be creative.

And those who truly love me will love me no matter what.

So today I'm suppressing my smile, until I find a real reason to smile.

And if someone asks,

“Is everything okay?”

Then I might say,

“Not at all.”

A small shrug will be the answer.

Maybe that will unsettle them.

Or maybe they'll find the courage to tell the truth.

We'll both be a little lighter.

Maybe then I'll say,

“Friday is coming!”

Or

“I want to invent a chocolate that will reduce calories when eaten, and will time travel and slap me to save me from making another mistake.”

Then someone will laugh.

What did you do?

Then thank you.

If you laughed in this article – you realized that you're not alone.

And because you came here, I'm not alone either.

Thank you.

You don't always need to understand everything.

You just have to accept – what happened is true. That was important.

It still shakes me sometimes.

Then I close my eyes and go back to that moment –

where I loved, got hurt,

sinned, got forgiven.

I know, it’s not ‘either or’ –

it’s ‘both’ together.

I don’t have to be great or perfect.

I have the right to make mistakes.

I have the right to forget to apologize.

And I have the right to feel sorry for it.

Everything is not right.

But now I am right.

Right now, I accept myself.

That’s enough.

I think that if I don’t accept myself well, the world will never accept me.

No matter what I am to people, I know who I am. I will definitely adapt to the environment as soon as I give myself my importance. This is very important to me.