From the ASHes

I had just turned 19, first year of college – excited for the upcoming basketball season. There was this girl, we’ll call her Mary, I was infatuated. She was short, petite, and a fellow athlete – game over right? Wrong, she had a boyfriend. That didn't stop my infatuation, it also didn't stop her from helping me with my laundry, remember, this was my first year away from home – I’d never done my own laundry, at least not properly. 30+ years later and I'm still folding my shirts and towels the same way. We grew very close, but we didn't cross the line because of the boyfriend...

One night, I heard a knock on my dorm room door. It was her, Mary. She looked upset and since my roommate was there we decided to go for a walk through campus to talk. She and her boyfriend Anthony had broken up, I consoled her, but also couldn’t help but be excited for my opportunity. We sat on a bench near a bridge and I held her close to me. Then it happened, we kissed and before you know it, we were fully into it. I had been hoping for this day for so long!

About 2 weeks later, after spending almost every day together, she said she wasn't feeling well and was going to the Dr. I was nervous, what if? we weren't careful at all. She came back and said those words that no 19 year old wanted to hear. “I'm pregnant” she said, I must have turned so pale from fright that she quickly followed up with “the Dr said I'm almost 2 months along, so it has to be Anthony’s because we've only been together for 2 weeks.“ She said she was going back to Anthony and they'd figure it out together. I was heartbroken, yet relieved – I wasn’t ready to have a baby at 19, but I understood her decision, it was only right for her to go back to Anthony. She left school, and moved back home to Florida, and I didn't hear from her again for quite some time.

About 4 years later, I get a call from Mary – she was very drunk or high and it sounded like she was at a party. After my failed attempts at getting an answer to my many questions, she told me about her daughter, Ashton. She went on to say that Ashton wanted a brother or sister – hinting that she wanted me to help her get one. I was confused by her request as I hadn't heard from her in years, but brushed it off to her current state of mind. We hung up and again, I didn't hear from her for quite some time. 2-3 years later, I'm back at home, living with my parents and I get a call from my brother Greg. Greg said he got a call from a girl named Mary, who was trying to get ahold of me, and when she did an internet search for me, only his name came up since he was quite well known in the New York financial world. He continued on to say that she claimed she had a daughter and I was the father!?! Huh, what, how, wait...I started putting the pieces together and I about fainted. He gave me her number, and wished me luck lol!

I called Mary and it all came together, and it was a lot. Mary said that the first Dr she saw on campus was wrong on how far along she was...how they could mistake 2 weeks for 2 months made no sense to me, but that's what she was telling me. She said she was dating a man who she had two boys with, and he wanted to officially adopt Ashton so she needed to get ahold of me to sign the court documents allowing the adoption. I asked so many questions, like why wouldn't she have told me sooner that I had a daughter, like when she was born it should have been apparent. Mary and I are white, and Anthony is black – yes, read that again. She said Anthony kept saying that she was his, and mixed babies take some time to get their color. He stuck around waiting for 2 years for this clearly white child to get some color. Mary told me that time just got away from her since Anthony was so involved in her life, and after he realized that she wasn't his, she met her current boyfriend and had 2 boys by him – and then came the talks of him adopting Ashton, who was now 6!

After some awkward discussions with my parents and family, trying to explain the logistics of what happened, it was decided that we needed to meet Ashton, so we made arrangements for the Halloween after next to fly her up to meet all of us. I was nervous, scared and excited to meet her – my daughter!

She was 8 now, and I had zero clue what 8 year olds were like, what they liked, and on top of that, I didn't know what Mary had told her about me. Our first encounter was very awkward, I didn't know how to interact with this little precious girl, and I'm sure she felt the same. The plan was that she would stay with my mom, as I was living in a house with 2 friends, and it was not ideal for a young child. We enjoyed our traditional Halloween at my sister's house carving pumpkins and getting my nephews & Ashton dressed up for trick or treating. One of my favorite photographs, and quite possibly the first taken together was her sitting on my lap holding a pumpkin we had carved together.

Looking back on everything today, I realize I made many mistakes in how I behaved and acted, or failed to act in regards to our first meetings. They regrettably wouldn't be the last mistakes I made in our relationship. This is only the beginning of the story of Ashton’s journey...