I Cringe, I Dream, I Make Mistakes

I am a big dreamer. A visionary.

Are you a big dreamer?

If you’re reading this and you are a creative person like myself, then I think it’s safe to say….

Oh yes, absolutely you are.

I just can’t help myself when I think about all that I want to accomplish. I go all in with it all which is not a bad thing to say in the least.

Then I try to make those huge massive dreams come true in an instant. For you highly organized logisiic people out there…I know I get it. I cringe too.

I look back at some of my old published writing, be it on Medium, here on Vocal or elsewhere, and I really do cringe.

It's not all self deprecation though, please don't get me wrong. There are some that I am quite impressed by.

I admit I need to grow and be patient with my big dreams. It takes hard work, consistency, teachability, endurance, and kindness for myself and my audience.

Let's Go Back In Time...

In 2019 before the pandemic, I finally decided to move forward with freelance writing. I gave into all sorts of writing courses that promised all sorts of things. I won't go into detail here because we've heard it all...

Because of the pandemic, we have all been bombarded heavily with all of the freelancing “opportunities” and schemes...

...so much so that many of us have grown tired and weary.

Are we all billionaires yet?

I dreamed up all sorts of things for what my writing could be and how I could help small businesses grow.

I always have dreamed up big things for my writing -- ever since I was a child.

When I was small my dreams constantly changed, but the one that stayed firm inside me was the dream to one day be an “arthur” as I called it when I was five years old.

My desire to make stories, publish them and one day see them in bookstores across the country was constant. I used to get printer paper, staple the pages together and spill my imagination all over the pages.

At one point, my mom got me software for our computer that allowed me to make up my very own stories complete with visual assets. Then an AI narrator would read back to you your creations.

I revelled in this friends...

I continued o write my heart out. I would often get spoken to by my grade school teachers because I would give them a few pages of a short story instead of what they asked for.

Then I got older and the idea of doing book signings and interacting with people made me feel a little afraid....ugh people things!

My little big dreamer heart didn't think of all of the logistics.

University

In university, we talked about getting agents, pitching our stories, industry, industry, industry…and quickly, I realised how much I hadn't taken into account.

Intimidated, was the word that I would say is quite an understatement. I didn’t want the intimidation to stop me, so I kept writing. I learned to receive criticism in a healthy and wonderful way – I have a wonderful powerhouse of a professor to thank for that.

I also practised pitching like no one's business...no matter how dry my throat became. Every. Single. Time.

Then in my third year of university, I did a crazy thing and left to go and do some charity work abroad. I don’t regret it…not one bit.

Fast forward back to 2019

I wanted to do something with my writing again. Copywriting especially piqued my interest. So I began to read and read and read.

I started a newsletter in 2021 for creatives who need some inspiration and started an anthology of short stories. I began mapping out what my copywriting could look like and so much more.

I started working on so many projects all at once that my visionary brain got fried.

Woah….

It was too much too fast. It happens with dreamers...let me tell you.

so...

I needed to take a step back. In the midst of all of this dreaming and outburst of inspiration, my family went through all sorts of things, from fighting cancer to now moving to a new city.

and so...

I went on a hiatus to take a step back and really embrace the projects that I needed to embrace the most.

Priorities, priorities!

Then as many of you have read and given such lovely feedback in Writing is a Gift. I wrote about my hiatus and how sweetly wonderful it was.

Present Day

Now that I am back, I have been reviewing my old work. What a mess...

It was so much mass production for the sake of growth and not valuing the quality I strive for. I hope for.

My mass production was for the sake of making a dream happen, gosh darn it…

And…

Well…

I cringe, folks. I cringe so much, but I am embracing it. It feels like a tickle in my tummy. I can now chuckle at myself. O’ sweet dreamer, what were you thinking?

There are so many ideas that come at me about a million times a day at about light speed and it is and can be difficult to keep up with it...even for me.

I cringe, and I accept my cringyness. I am excited that this means I only have so much more room to grow. I have time to go back to my roots and embrace what my amazing professors, peers, and online community have taught me.

My tickly cringe has reminded me that my dreams are not impossible, but they do take time and loving care. I did a silly thing and deleted all my Medium posts, but maybe in hindsight, I could have left them up there for the sake of being able to allow my audience to watch my growth.

I dream. I cringe, and I learn.

Learning from that mistake, I have kept all my old posts on my Substack newsletter, which can be found here if you'd like a weekly inspo spot with a prompt or two.

The most important takeaway for me is this...

This year I am going to finish. I am embracing the projects that need prioritizing and I am excited for them to actually turn into something real, done, and dusted.

While I know that I may have a long road ahead of me to make my childhood dream come true, I know that it is still possible to achieve it and make little me proud.

For now, baby steps.

One foot in front of the other and then Cringe and I will laugh and raise a glass to the future!

As always, dear ones, thank you for reading up until this point! If you would like to join in on the Inspiration Hub for all creatives over at Sun Lantern, please subscribe, and you’ll get some prompts and haiku every week to get your creative juices flowing.

Much love!