I felt loved.

For the first time I felt different. I felt like I don't have to pretend anymore. I was accepted as I was.

Oldest friend of mine, whom I met after completing my 10th grade. I joined an institute that would cover the gap between 10th and 11th basically called bridge course. I joined the afternoon classes but it felt like my whole day was occupied. So, during last days, I changed my class time and shifted to morning classes.

Then, I met a boy in our class who was a bit of extrovert. We became friends and we did go to few colleges to give entrance exam for our high school studies. Then, we went to different colleges quiet FAR from each other. But, we never stopped talking to each other.

One day, I met him at the street when I was returning home and so was he. We talked that day for a while. Then after few days, I called him to teach me physics because I was not good at studies at that time. But, guess what the same day at evening, I had dance practice sessions for our college program so, I basically ditched him. I feel bad. He waited and waited. At last, he went home. At night, I texted him saying sorry I had another thing going on. But he said that's ok. Thank God, he didn't take that seriously.

Then, may be after few months, he invited me to a robotics show or game. I was too lazy to go there. I asked my friend if she would like to go but she denied and so did I. I again made another excuse not to go. And, he said fine.

Finally, we met not by our choice, but by god's will. My exam center and his were same. On the first day of our exam, when I was talking to my friend, he called out my name and I was like who is it and tuned back to see him waiving at me. I went to him and we talked because of our exams. We did go home together for 2 or 3 days. He shared his plans about what he would be doing after the exams.

Time flied and he started preparing for his engineering entrance whereas I got involved in preparing for my medical entrance exam. We didn't talk after that. His exam went extremely good but I failed very badly. The moment of truth, I had ignored my studies for literally 2 years so it had to happen. I saw that coming from miles away. I was destroyed, so I decided to prepare and give the exam next year and this time no excuse and with full focus. I decided to study hard giving up all distractions.

So, I did what I said. I joined online classes but eventually didn't take any because it was boring. But I did give weekly exams and mock tests. Instead, I watched lectures on YouTube and bought individual lectures of reputed and respected teacher who were known to give best guidance and preparation. I took those classes seriously, made notes and studied harder.

BUT, one night when I was scrolling down the social media, I saw his video being interviewed by some people. That day, I literally felt bad for myself. But, I gathered my guts and texted him saying congratulations an getting such a wonderful rank and score, also your dream college. I also told him that I wasn't there because he had done so well, I would have been there even if he hadn't. That's the time when we started talking.

Then, he texted me often like twice a month and asking me about how my preparation was going and all but whenever I was talking rubbish and getting little out of track and distracted, he would force me to go study. At that time I felt like He is my man CAUSE when I used to text my friend who is boy he would never say that and didn't even care about my future.

At that time, I realized he is actually my type, who would push me harder towards my goal, remind me of what I should be doing. And, one day he told me that he would love to get marry early to a girl who studies BBA since she would have time for him, and who is romantic too. I felt a little bit sad. And, he ALSO said that medical personal's aren't my type. That hurts.

After my results were announced, He was the first one to call me. That felt so great. Although, he had always said that we were just like brother and sister, but may be I have started to feel little more. The way he behaves is magnetic, I just can't pull my attention from him.

Then, he congratulated me and asked for party and I said yes, sure. Finally after a month, we meet. That was an instant plan, I just asked him if he was free or not and then the plan was made.

The real story begins here, he came to pick me up in scooter and we went to visit a temple situated at top of hill. We talked while he was riding and then when we reached, he said let's drink tea. I ordered one black and one milk tea. It was so cold out there so he gave me his hand so that i would know how cold it was. But, that was my chance so I placed my both hands on his one on top and one on bottom.

AND that's it, after that we visited temple and he took so many photographs of me like he was my own personal photographer. Then, while returning, we stopped by the road side where there was a rock from which a beautiful view can be seen. He climbed first and gave me his hands and pulled me up. That was so amazing. I have never seen so beautiful view before. It was fresh and looked like it holds a lot. He jumped from there and told me to sit on that so that he could click some photos, and then when he was doing so he looked so deeply in my eyes, that I couldn't even focus, so I HAD TO PULL A MOVE, saying I might get cold. I ruined everything. I WAS DAMN Sure if I looked in his eyes for long, I might fall harder so, I removed the eye contact. Then, he offered me his hand and brought me down.

BUT, I CAN'T deny the fact that he was such a polite and gentle man. He not only paid attention to me but also my words. Whenever, I was talking and suddenly stopped, he would say keep talking, I am listening to you. I felt heard at that time. I felt valued. I never pulled that little baby girl out of me, may be because I felt protected and safe in his hands. Not only that he carried my bag, Scaff and even my rubberband in his hand whenever he had to take photo.

It's not like I haven't been with guys, but this one was different. Since he had already given us the tag of friend who are like brother and sister, so I decided not to move a step forward, cause one step forward can even break our friendship and make things awkward and I don't want that. I want him to be part of my life forever.

I literally don't now what he think about me cause during the moment we had our eye contact I felt for a second that he might like me, but when we were returning, he did mention about him getting married before even my studies finish. So, I guess that's a NO.

Now, I don't want to talk to him about how I FEEL. CAUSE, I know I am the one who is going to be hurt in all of this. so, it will always be how it used to be, I won't force him and won't even tell him. If we are meant to be together, we will eventually be. I am letting you go, for your greatest good, and I hope one day you will find a way back and even if you don't that's fine.

HE DID UPLIFT MY STANDARDS.

I DON'T want to make any move but Instead I will really appreciate if he is the one who makes the first one. I WILL definately tell him if he gives me hints that things are mutual and we can eventually talk about it without making things awkward.

Dear God, give me strength so that I can move on from whatever happened.

But still I want you to be at my side. I want you all for me myself. Having said that, I do respect your decision. I will move away if you think I am not the one but I will never confess first. It will hurt and why can't it be me? might catch my brain and be stuck in that question but still I will be happy for you. I will be there for you, I will stand by your side.

And I hope the day I confess my feelings never come.

AT LAST, ALL I WANNA SAY IS I LOVE YOU DAMN IT. I DON'T NOW HOW BUT I FELL FOR YOU AND NOW ALL I WANT IS TO RISE WITH YOU. I PROMISE TO KEEP THIS WITHIN ME.

I HOPE YOU NEVER GET TO READ THIS! (only to person whom I am dedicating this)