The Man She Called Casper

It was a simple message on Facebook.

After so many years, she had seen him standing in line at Costco. Out of all the people and all the places.

Of course she reached out-- after all, isn't that what social media was for? Reaching out to people you left in your past, just to pass along a friendly Hello! Remember me? I think I saw you at the store. How has life been treating you?

He was someone she'd had a crush on as a teenager.

But as the story usually goes, he was hot and she was the ugly duckling. There was no way he would waste any of his time or hotness on someone like her.

Years passed.

She grew up, and the ugly duckling became a swan.

When the moment presented itself--when she saw him standing there, her teenage self immediately screamed Hot McDonald's guy!

There he was. Still tall with dark hair, and still handsome.

That simple Facebook message turned into something she didn't expect, but it excited her nevertheless.

One innocent hello led to daily conversations that seemed to stop only when her eyelids finally closed. The exchanges were mostly harmless-- light and playful at first, with a twist of flirtation. With each reply, the excitement built.

She was married and so was he but that didn't stop the lines from blurring.

Words flowed easily between them. It wasn’t just messages anymore. There were lunches, movies, stolen time in the quiet of his truck, moments that crossed lines neither of them said out loud, but both understood had been crossed.

She found herself daydreaming about him a lot. She wondered what he was doing, counting down the moments until the next message...until she could see him again. She wondered what they would talk about, what they would do together, what he would do to her.

Soon, reaching for her phone each morning became instinct, her day beginning and ending with his name lighting up the screen.

Good morning. I miss you. I can't wait to see you. When can I see you next?

Sometimes he would send pictures --for her eyes only.

The messages, the pictures, the attention, it all made her feel so-- special, wanted, desired.

When the phone alerted her in the morning, It really was a good morning. Day in and day out, she looked forward to that ping. A smile spread across her face instantly just by seeing his name pop up.

She didn't see it then. Blinded by the attention. The desire. The lust. She was floating in a bubble of dopamine.

Slowly, she became conditioned to expect it-- that message saying good morning love.

The messages came daily-- silly comments, loving words, little sparks of joy.

One night, they both had spent hours together chatting over messenger, so when morning came, as she stretched, her hand automatically reached for her phone, but no message was waiting to greet her.

Confusion woke her up. Maybe he is running late. Maybe he hadn't had time yet. She texted him instead-- surely it would make him smile, knowing she was thinking of him first thing, as he had been doing every morning.

Minutes turned into hours, still silence.

She sent him a few random lighthearted messages per their usual flow. She went on about her day as if everything was normal.

On the outside she appeared calm, cool, collected. But inside her stomach knotted and her mind began to race with a million questions over and over. Why isn't he answering? What happened? What did I do? What did I say wrong?

As her stomach tightened even more she pulled her phone out and began a text to him, pleading for him to talk with her. She didn't understand it at all. She only knew she missed him.

He once told her, I've never had a connection like the one we have, with anyone. You're my soul partner.

With words spoken like that, there must have been a reason for the silence. He wouldn't do this on purpose.

The silence continued for days and weeks. She sent messages for days and weeks. She gave him daily updates, like normal. She questioned why. She even pleaded to the point she was begging.

Like me. Love me. Talk to me.

She had a hard time sleeping at night. Her appetite disappeared. Conversations blurred while her phone stayed heavy in her hand, waiting.

She did some light Facebook stalking and it appeared that he was still alive. He was even commenting and talking with his "friends" on Facebook. So it was only her he was ignoring.

He had ghosted her.

Her heart ached at the realization. She felt nauseous. Thoughts looped endlessly, circling the same questions until exhaustion set in.

She was trying to figure out the riddle that was this man.

How could someone say "you're my soul partner" one day, then act like you don't exist the next.

She was determined for it to be not just her.

She texted him one final time and she was going to let it rest.

"Fine. If I don't hear from you by tomorrow at noon, don't ever talk to me again."

The next morning came. No message. This had made her feel crazy enough. She pushed her feelings down and decided to make peace with it.

She went on about her day, finally convincing herself to let go.

All of a sudden as she sat at her desk at work, her phone alerted her to a new message.

"I got an ice cream cone for lunch."

It was him. He was back.