the protector in me

July 2nd, 2022

I had felt this feeling before. It was a tad familiar. A certain protectiveness over someone. I had reached this state when I considered having children, and I was afraid I would never truly develop the protector in me. I couldn’t remember a time where I actually felt it, but it clicked this week. I know I felt it now.

An acquaintance from my hometown told me a couple of months ago that she would be visiting my city this week. We had never truly been friends.

She was actually just good friends with a good friend of mine, and we had hung out a few times. She had also done me a huge favor when I was working on a personal project, and I always knew there’d come a time for me to pay her back for that. And what better way to repay her than to host her?

So she arrived, and she’s wonderful. I truly did enjoy her company a lot. And she was very open and excited to be visiting, as I live abroad and the city is big.

I also come from a bursting, dangerous city - which is where we met. She had moved to my hometown from a small, structured town in the countryside.

Despite having experience with huge, intimidating cities; deep down, she can still fall back into that small town girl. A very cool small town girl. We had such a good time that she extended the trip for 2 more nights.

Last Thursday we went to a bar. At a rooftop with a view of the whole city. It was bubbly. We ended up having to share tables with strangers; the place is popular. At some point in the night, my friend decides to ask where the two hip dudes, sitting next to us, were from. I thought I had noticed her interest when they arrived, but I was still surprised she took the lead to ask without thinking twice. She just did, a bit out of the blue. And honestly, I’m glad she reached out to those guys because her trip was just about to become even more daydreamy.

We talked to them for a couple of hours and they weren’t quite locals. Not that I was, but still. They told us they had arrived in the city a couple of months ago. By the end of the night, I wondered if one of them was flirting with my friend, but I didn’t put much thought into it. When we got home, he had already texted her and so the flirting became apparent. I was glad to see her so happy and excited by this new adventure, during summer in a wild European city.

The night after, she tells me she’s going to hang out with him. He suggested a place that is not only very far from our place, but also very close to his place - and she agreed. So I got the message. They’ll go to his place after.

My undiscovered protective side jumped in. And I subtly asked her for his contact, just in case; and his address. Casually warning her that even though all of this may sound like a modern fairy-tale, we should be careful. She knew how to be careful, having lived in my hometown for years, so that comforted me enough. She also got the message and, like me, subtly let me know that she’d be fine.

Everything did go fine and the dude became an attractive, charming and respectful young man. So we both relaxed and on her last night here, we all went out one last time. We had an amazing night at my favorite bar with the perfect uplifting sound of the rebellic classics of indie rock.

My phone had died as soon as I left the house so I was unreachable the whole night. So when I got home I simply put my phone to charge and went to bed. The following morning, after my friend left, I noticed that I had gotten around 5 or 6 missed calls from a random number at around 2:30 in the morning, followed by a ‘hello’ on a messaging platform where I could see their picture.

I thought of someone. Someone that I truly try to help, but our cultural differences and his unforgiving actions betrayed me to the point of never hearing about him again. It had been my choice to rip him out of my life.

I showed the picture to my boyfriend, and he immediately says what I had been thinking. That same someone who I now hate.

That protective feeling turned into paranoia. And I started to be afraid of what this person could do to me. They know where I live. They know my boyfriend and they knows the places we hang out. But nothing has really happened yet. Just random missed calls from a person that could be someone.

- Ms. Rodwell