Word of the Day: 吹き込む

I am now having a few pages open just because I am actually spending time listening to Japanese for once. I am pretty good at understanding what she is saying other than a few words. But I just write those down for my topics.

And that is the thing too, right? It is topic points. And I mean, it is a way to refine my ability to speak. I could say the same for some English words I know and probably would have to revive from the dead to bring about the same sophistication.

But I hate having this point of trying to evaluate my ability to understand, when I know I do.

For example, this current word I am using, I don't know what sort of cognation it has organically in Japanese, but I can translate it to a grammatical fit with my command of Japanese grammar.

So, yes the same problems in English exist in Japanese with me. To a certain extent. I feel I am better actually in Japanese because I bothered to learn. Yea no, I think it is innate.. If you recognize DNA as containing memories, this sort of astringent way of being is probably within that structure more precisely than what most people are attempting to learn.

I guess this makes it my specialty?

I am starting to not respond to tarot card readers right now, I think it is because the Pisces in Venus is kind of making us all sort of "dreamy"

Tarot isn't really logical anyway but, I mean if the Ether is compromised in anyway, it won't be as honest if that makes sense.

I mean, a more optimistic person could use this time to do a really great romantic confession or something like that, or finding their true passions or something like that, but with what is going on in my life, there is no room for me to utilize this time to its full potential.

If I wasn't hacked, if I got my homework in, if my mom didn't fuck up my shit, yea I could take advantage of the available resources to me right now, but I have to handle these things. So yes, she successfully distracted me for her own selfish reasons. That is why I am calling Janelle and asking if I can just appear via phone.

I am wondering if I should just do that or if I should warn her that is what I am wanting to do, but I feel like being honest about this is.... "understood"

I don't think this is a big ask.

I actually don't have many people to call for appointment right now, and having 4 days of pages means 24 people to talk to.... :/ I normally don't count text messages, but I might consider it if it is reaching out for a purpose.

But I don't trust Teresa, I don't even trust Keely, but I think it is better to deal with her if anyone from that group.

I am drafting a requirement process, but it is sort of fucked up. I don't really want to do it but, it is like that is what I have to do right now.

I mean, I am also trying to just complete my Todo list as best I can with these compromised feelings. I am actually powering through it pretty well.

I think I am also bracing myself for like, pain. Which I am not even feeling in this moment, but it is like... it is most likely going to happen.

I hate having this much anxiety around my mom.