Word of the Day: 台数

I sort of crashed out last night and woke up at 5 am today. I still have my clothes on and everything. Luckily this is what I wanted to wear today since I still have that hickey, I am sure. I don't know why but I find it endearing. He was so gentle and tender with me with everything else, this sort of little act of "violence" sort of showed a deeper intention.

He definitely was too young, I feel like I took advantage of him, but I mean... at the same time, he is choosing his life as much as me.

My phone is completely dead this morning though, I forgot to charge it. That Ezra Miller looking guy still tries to hit me up. He asked we could meet last night but I had school.

I think i need to see if Jimmy has anymore astrological forecast for this week.

Bruh, I am just going to get high this morning and doing homework until math class. I had leftover pizza for breakfast and the left over of pepsi. Not the most healthy but I am for sure satiated and that is the only thing I was concerned about this week.

The thing is.. that 14 year old looking Adam Lambert looking guy I did end up having sex with... No, I mean, I don't feel like demeaning him. I mean we were just, very different but... he had a kindness to him.

But, we were very reckless. We had sex without a condom. I didn't even care. I also think he might have came inside me but... since I am on my period I think it is ok. I am not really worried either way. I mean I feel like.. not that he "earned" that but, I didn't feel scared he made me feel comfortable enough to where...I just wanted him to put me out of my misery. I guess maybe I was just too horny and tired. Also I think biologically women want to be filled with sperm, even if we don't want children. Like biologically, we're programmed to take in sperm through our vaginas. So.. I think I have just been mentally worn down so much that I sort of reverted to animal mind for a bit.

Yea, it is kind of.. I mean, yea we have sex to feel good, I definitely do it for the oxytocin mainly. But also I mean, we know why we have sex: to have children. So I think that is sort of a battle we have to go through each time. Realizing the consequences and either living or not living with them.

I mean, yea if I had his children, they probably would be very good looking but, I mean we don't have a relationship whatsoever, and we are on polar opposite ends of being as far as lifestyles are concerned. Also, he is 23 and I am 35, I would say I'd ruin his life but, he's so alternative I don't know if I could even say that.

I sort of wish we could have sex again because, even though it wasn't all rough and sexy, it was very intimate and soft. Which isn't something you expect from someone with a face tattoo. But I think that is kind of what I needed at the time.

I mean, you could say that was a morally questionable thing I did but, not really. I feel fine with it now, but that Ezra dude who keeps hitting me up. If he is married, I feel like that is really crossing a line I don't want to.