Figuring it Out

Camryn was exhausted. Her brain was overwhelmed with an abundance of worries. Surely what she had needed was some money. A sense of security. I mean... in the state of this world? Who didn’t. Hell, no matter what the state of the world is in... we all must admit that we absolutely adore it and rabidly hunger for it. A big huge wad of cash to fan ourselves with. A splendid dream. Especially after finding out there's a baby on its way.

Yes, Camryn was pregnant.

It was summertime in West Seattle and the hottest day in August. Every fan that Camryn owned was on and pointed in her direction as she cooked. The humidity that swept through Seattle that week had kept her hair in a slick bun and the cold showers, frequent. She spoke to herself out loud, “God damnit! I guess I could write a book.. Agh. Or I could just be like… no that is so not me! Damnit!” She sifted through endless ideas that seemed just out of her reach. The reach of her pasts prima ballerina fingers, with the most beautiful extension. The reminiscent reach of her hand to the sky as she sang on a stage in front of large audiences as a youth. The reach of her patient, ever-so-helpful, teacher hand that she was forced to abandon due to racism, or the hand that flips tarot cards ever so sacredly. To put it simply she was unable to overcome the fear that had ruled her and her greatest desires. All she wanted was to fulfill her life’s ambitions, but how? and with no honest plan? Endless talent. Passions aplenty. But a plan? That was her truest wish and need in her current state.

To her, it felt exceedingly overwhelming to be placed on the highest of pedestals for her entire life and to in turn just not have a darn rewarding thing to gloat about. She could afford her apartment, her car, her bills, groceries, and minuscule shopping expenses from time to time, all at the ripe age of twenty four. This was thanks to her new nanny position in the rich neighborhood just a few blocks down. Her job was tough to rave about and her joke of, “psh, what savings!?” was spinning her for a most doomed loop. Little did Camryn know, the answer to her problems lay in a black notebook on top of an old oak dresser that aged in her parents basement. And it was what was inside that book that would read her into a $20,000 opportunity.

After she finished making herself the same spinach egg scramble breakfast for the fourth day in a row, she scrubbed the melted cheese on her dishes in a rather intense manner, not at all long before she decided to get out and into the sun.

Camryn went on a walk through her favorite neighborhood along the water to clear her mind. However, the day remained a melting hot trap with no instant remedial escape, so she sluggishly made her way to her parents house, as it was a few blocks away. She had longed for a glass of ice water and to be somewhere cool. Although her parent’s place was far from “cool” in a hip and flashy sense, the view from the deck was impeccable and her favorite people lived there. The house itself was small and average, and it had been her home for her entire life, that was until she broke free at eighteen seeking her favorite thing in the world: her independence, something she had only 32 weeks left to enjoy.

“Well this is unexpected, hi honey! You look great! Did you go on a run? John, say hello to your daughter!” This was a classic greeting from her mother, Theresa.

“Ugh gross. Really? I look like a cherry tomato and I need to wash my hair...” said Camryn.

“Um, how about, thanks mom! It’s great to see you, too!” Theresa sassed back.

“I need cool air, why is it so hot in here? Is the air mattress still blown up in the basement from the fourth of July? I need to lay down.” Camryn asked, but didn’t await any answers. The early symptoms of pregnancy were coursing through her on every level and her parents were not quite aware of such news.

She walked right by her father, neither of them saying hello to each other, however not missing the opportunity to take a second to exchange a quick smirk acknowledging their bold queen bee, Theresa.

Camryn vanished around the corner and skipped down the stairs.

The basement’s temperature was always just right in the summertime. As she strolled to the back corner where the air mattress was pumped up and propped, she noticed a strikingly beautiful black notebook. In that moment, she had no idea that this notebook held and bound her dreams. She snatched it up and plopped down on the sheetless air mattress. Dust gently floated in the rays of sun peeking through two small windows. She opened the book and began to flip through the pages. Her eyes grew wide and her jaw dropped.. She sat up and paused before she softly exclaimed in sweet realization, “Hey! Whew! Oh my... that is... that’s IT!” She gained a most grand smile. It took only seconds for hormonal tears of joy to run down her warm cheeks as she tilted her head back and hugged the notebook. Somehow, this, was what her dreams were made of.