If you're reading this

If you are reading this,

To my last breath I find it hard to put you into words. For what you are, from the moment I saw you come into this world. This matched none of the stories about angels I’ve heard but here you are. To this day you’ve been by my side. My most beloved reason for existence. Sariah. A duty and honor now given to me let it be said proudly. From this day forth, blessed with a child, a mystery everyday to solve. Words inspired from Mr. Jermaine, should my presence leave this estate, I want you to read this from beginning to end. So I'm leaving you this little black book, for your eyes only. Let this collection of words be the lesson you bear deepest in your heart.

This NY state of mind is something I kept in check as Bill's life and the everyday struggle would find our doorstep. I fought everyday knowing what I battled for. A future so bright it would rival the sun, oh, I knew a change would come. Determined, a father I am, persevered, to conquer any hurdle. IF you are reading this then I tell you, hold your head up high. This book is a collection of my mistakes and fears and now I pass them on to you, a compass for you through the years. Think of your father and always smile. On the hard nights that you question why I am gone, Look up, I shine next to Polaris, brightest star in the night, beyond a best friend and more I will always be you’re guiding light. Hold herself accountable, defend yourself and know when you are wrong. Learn from your mistakes with neither spite nor hate for they will taint your intelligence and your intentions to do right.

Whether in physical form or the spirit, should you ever think for a moment that I did not love you, I need to remember a few things...Even If I am not there for you. Remember that I'm with you in spirit, with you every step you take, half the breath you draw. My blood is running rough your veins. Remember my dear child, you are a part of me. Know your legacy, proudly embrace where you come from. Know your birth right of Queens and Kings, were you ruled with might but heart of empathy and compassion. Brown sugar, caramel, angel, one of a kind. Know yourself and witness your powers take form themselves as you blossom. Think of the days I told you which side of the street to traverse, through this memoir let it be known, you’ll always be my little one. Know in your heart that in all actuality you brought me to life. The gifts we’ve been given, none of it possible if You were not my purpose. Thank you, Feel it in your spirit, recall the embrace of my arms. A lesson to be set that life ends and life begins. When you face this inevitable foe, you must stand firm. Feel what you feel yet do not let rage consume you. Rejoice. No darkness shall prosper in the memories that give you strength. Stand firm in yourself, in your decisions, be blessed, you are a walking spirit.

Forever and always, Don’t be no punk,

Love, Dad

PS: I’ve started a trust fund for you but the life insurance will suffice for you for quite some time. You’ll’ be receiving $20,000 soon to hold you over until you can face the world again. I've instructed some close friends on how to utilize said funds as you go through you phase of healing. Be strong little puppy feet girl. Just as I have done for you my little flower. Think of the next garden that will one day bloom.

Tears flow onto pages of an open book. Sariah stands in her living, dim lit, just enough to see. Gift wrapped paper torn on the couch. A piece legible enough to it as send anonymously. Held in one hand, reading through the pages of a little black book left from her father. This little book held substance, meaning, her heart was heavy but her resolve was stronger. Composed, proud, hurt, fire stoking in her chest as she read the last words of her dad. She covers her face with one arm to wipe the tears. The book is brought to her chest, embraced, a moment of serenity.