Roxanne the Pirate Princess

There have been many fearsome pirates that have terrorised the seven seas. Scoundrels so devilish, so cruel, and so fierce. Blackbeard would steal and shoot and fight, whilst Captain Kidd hid treasures cleverly out of sight. Calico Jack was a rascal, Captain Morgan had great success, but no one was braver than Roxanne, the Pirate Princess.

Although Roxanne was small in stature, to her friends she seemed ten feet tall. Throughout all her adventures she remained loyal and kind, with a smile that sparkled like shells on the shore. There are many tales that could be told and many songs that could be sung but this particular story, tells of a courage second to none…

Roxanne adjusted her eye patch and pointed her rusty compass towards the bright sky. Happy with the direction she was heading in, she whistled joyfully through her teeth, prompting a bright green parrot to swoop down from the crow’s nest and perch on her shoulder, repeating her tune. “What a lovely day to be on the ocean” she said to herself, “wouldn’t you say so, Crackers?”. The parrot squawked in agreement, fanning his long tail feathers out to soak up the sun. It was only mid-morning, but Roxanne and her crew had already had a prosperous day. Having docked on a small island the night before, they had awoken to find forests full of delicious fruits and a tiny stream that teemed with gold. As a result, the treasure chests on her boat were so full she was surprised it stayed afloat, whilst her shipmates sat around chewing and crunching their way through textures and flavours never before tried by human beings.

As always, Roxanne was behind the wooden wheel, keeping the ship smooth and steady. Many of her friends were excellent sailors, but there was no one better at swerving through rocks and gliding through waves like Roxanne, it was her favourite thing to do.

Indeed, it was a wonderful day to be a pirate. It was an even better day to be a Pirate Princess. Roxanne had been born on a boat and raised on the sea. Her father had grown up a browbeaten member of an old pirate’s crew, but had rebelled against his Captain and taken ownership, declaring himself a “Prince of the waves”. For many years he led a decidedly unprincelike career, before his daughter had taken charge and subsequently spearheaded many glorious raids.

Scanning the horizon, Roxanne’s eagle eyes became fixed on a small dot, way off in the distance. She knew it immediately to be another ship, as opposed to another island or rock and called for her crew to unfurl the sheets of the sails and use what little wind there was to slow down for a better look. Roxanne knew all about the dangers of being a pirate. Pirate ships were always a target for other bandits, but even worse were the soldiers of the Queen, who sought to capture and imprison them. Just to be safe, she made sure there was no sign of the skull and crossbones flag she usually proudly displayed. She locked away her new found treasures down in the hull and instructed her friends to pretend that they were simple traders, out picking new fruits to sell back on land should they encounter the speck growing ever larger.

Soon, even the blurriest eyes on board were able to make out the oncoming vessel, proudly gliding towards them. Roxanne felt her heart begin to thump as she recognized the flag lazily floating in the air and the colours painted across the ship. It belonged to the soldiers of the Queen. She knew that escape would be impossible, they would have been seen by the Queen’s spotters from miles away and had no chance of outpacing a ship of that size and power. Roxanne had to hope that she and her pirates could trick the soldiers into believing they were merely on their way to sell the pears and pineapples they had previously collected. Taking a deep breath, she removed her triangle hat and shooed Crackers to fly as high up as he could, taking cover in the few clouds that hung above.

The looming giant pulled alongside Roxanne’s ship, causing it to swing and sway in the waves it stirred up. Roxanne had no choice but to try and balance the boat and allow the soldiers to throw their ropes onboard, reeling her towards them. They wore long red coats, with menacing black boots, while each carried a sword longer than her arm. Roxanne counted the cannons pointed towards her over the side of their vessel, one…two…three…four, there was no way her and her gang of misfit friends could overpower such military might.

The soldiers hopped onboard in pods of five, each one sword outstretched, pinning back the crew as far as they could go whilst staying dry. Finally, a tall, wiry man with a pointed nose climbed his way over, with one casual stride. Unlike the others, he wore blue and kept his sword by his side. “Where is the Captain?” he boomed, almost refusing to take in the now cowering crew members. “Here I am”, replied Roxanne, making sure she sounded frightened enough to seem weak, although in truth even she felt scared, as brave as she was. “And why are you here, bobbing in the soon to be claimed waters of the Queen?” he demanded, rubbing his shoes on Roxanne’s perfectly swabbed deck. “Forgive us, Sir” Roxanne pretended to stammer, “but we are fruit sellers returning from collecting our goods”, she held up an unusually strawberry-blonde banana, offering it to the commander. “Hmm” he murmured, finally glancing at the crew members, all of whom wore the weathered faces of those who spent a life at sea.

Before Roxanne had a chance to spin a story that further enhanced her claim, a red coat flustered past her, before halting in front of his master. “Sir, we found these” he announced. Roxanne pressed her eyelids shut, opening them to see two further soldiers carrying over a small chest, that was spilling golden nuggets across the floor. Quick as a flash, the commander seized Roxanne’s arm and within seconds his crew immediately did the same to her friends, pushing and pinning them against the nearest pillars. They were then all tied round them in pairs, back-to-back from one another against the splintering wood. All but Roxanne, who was fastened to her beloved steering wheel.

She subtly rubbed together the rope that was burning into her skin, but realised it was much too thick to fray. Feeling helpless, she glanced back up at the commander standing over her, pointing his sword towards her neck. He had been questioning her so long that the sun she had first basked in this morning was now just a faint orange peel slipping out the sky. “And how did you first come across that island?”, he growled, boots threateningly creeping towards her own toes. “We’ve known about it for years,” Roxanne replied, wishing her accent sounded less graveled and unrefined “my family have always used it to collect food to flog”. The truth was Roxanne and her crew had broken many laws, fought and escaped from many battles and survived a number of storms to first reach the previously unexplored island. “Then what about the gold?” he retorted, overemphasising the vowel.

“Oh is that what that is, we didn’t have a clue”, Roxanne replied, sounding increasingly unconvincing. As the questioning continued, so too did the punishment and torture towards the Pirate Princess and her crew. The soldiers shoved and shouted at her friends, whilst the commander kept a continuous eye on his captive, scanning her for any clues or signs as to who she really was.

“Well then, if you are simple fruit sellers you won’t have any need for such treasure” he finally determined, instructing his men with a nod. They began to shift the handful of chests Roxanne’s crew had so gleefully stuffed that morning and load them over to their ominously desolate beast of a boat. “Perhaps you and your scruffy band will think twice about stealing from the crown” he cruelly sneered, striding over to the large baskets of fruit sitting in the shade of the sails. With a final smirk in Roxanne’s direction, he stretched out a lanky leg and began to tip each basket over the side of the ship, sending the pirate’s only food supplies cascading into the sea. Proudly marching back towards her, he pointed his sword above her head one last time, “Soldiers, let’s leave these disgusting dregs to dry out in the sun, we have an island to colonise”. The Princess could stand no more. She let out a fearsome battle cry, finally returning to her own unmistakable pirate’s accent. Like a meteor from space Cracker’s dropped from the sky, aiming straight for the commander who stood stunned over Roxanne. Seizing her moment, she pulled her body up with all her might, using her free legs to kick the commander hard below his midriff. Falling forwards in agony, his raised sword jammed itself into the post holding Roxanne, just inches above her head. She yanked herself forwards and flung her tied hands as far up behind her back as she could, slicing the ropes against the blade’s edge pinned above. They had barely hit the floor before she had prized the sword from the post and swung it towards the commander. “You may serve the Queen, by my crew serve a true Princess” she roared.

Some of the red coated soldiers who had been alerted to Roxanne’s escape following her formidable scream had stopped unloading the gold and began to circle towards her. Undeterred she thrust the tip of the sword against the commander’s throat. “Have them free my people, or you’ll feel your blade” she hissed. “D…do as she says” he whimpered, his face completely pale. The soldiers, as always, did as they were told and began to untie and untether the pirate crew. Free and following their leader’s fearlessness, they immediately made for their own weapons, rounding up the soldiers who were clueless without their usual rigid instruction.

“Now then commander, perhaps it’s time you learnt not to waste food”, the Princess grinned “on your feet”. She and her crew herded their prisoners towards the same side of the ship where the commander had so cruelly dumped her fruit. Sticking out over the edge, like a rail track to nowhere, was a narrow, wooden plank. One by one her crew forced the soldiers to waddle forward, whilst Roxanne made her own very important prisoner watch as they dropped over the side, disappearing from view with a series of splashes. When there wasn’t a single red coat left on board, it was time for the man in blue to blend into the ocean himself. Pitiful terror in his eyes, he pleaded up to Roxanne. “I hold great favour with her majesty. I can get you anything you want, land, titles, slaves”.

“Your life of servitude has no appeal for me. I am my own master, and my friends join me on their own accord” Roxanne retorted, every inch a true warrior. “However, seeing as my gold is already on your ship, I will take it as a cargo boat and to serve as a warning that no authority can control Roxanne the Pirate Princess”. The crew cheered, and advanced on the commander, driving him further and further towards the edge of the plank. With her enemy now balancing precariously on the edge, Roxanne advanced towards him, walking on the board herself, sword clasped firmly in both hands. This imperious sight was enough to make the commander’s legs finally give way, wobbling and clattering he turned, clumsily hurling himself into the depths below.

The pirates let out another triumphant cry and set about restoring their ship to its former glory, hoisting the skull and crossbones flag high. They then separated themselves between the newly acquired vessel and their old trusty ship and set about making both boats much more suitable to their pirating preferences.

Roxanne took her place behind her old friend the steering wheel and rubbed her good eye tiredly. It had been a long day. Crackers came and perched on her shoulder; a stem gripped in his beak. At the bottom of the stem hung an enormous apple, greener than grass and letting out a playful “rawk” he dropped the apple into Roxanne’s hand. Taking a big crunching bite, she smiled and (speaking with her mouthful like any true pirate) exclaimed “well Crackers, I’d say a pirate’s life is pretty perfect for me”.