Ten Prayers to the Wind

My mom was a rebel right from the start, even before having two babes in tote, at the age of twenty. Without prior consent, her new role awoke an internal ”priority meter” for survival. She always took unequivocal action to create the best possible situation for my sister and me, no matter the circumstances. Mom knew for certain, she wished for "us girls” to have the freedom to live a creative and happy life.

With this unspoken objective, she lived by example. She was a rebel in the sense that her own internal voice, also became the one steering the choices she made raising us. It was not haphazard, dangerous, nor self-destructive, rather, just a bit unconventional. This obvious difference never phased her genuine character of being a good person. In fact, it only strengthened her very existence into being an artistic expression of life itself.

Many valuable lessons have been learned along the way, resulting in a melding of moral character and intuition. Subsequently, these principles have been shared with my own two children; now both young adults.

If I were to make each value into flag; they would be of different colors and strung together. I would find a place in the high Himalayas, where the wind whistles without pause. There each thought would become a prayer and be carried as a blessing towards a kinder planet for all. Blowing for eternity.

Here are my ten most important "take homes."

Ethics:

"Be honest, apologize (when appropriate) and take responsibility to build positive relationships.”

I will always remember my mother taking my sister and me, (ages 3 and 4,) dressed in our pajamas and crying in protest, over to the neighbors duplex house, so we could knock on their door and apologize for our actions. We had taken the creative liberty to color on their outside white walls, with chalk. Likely beautiful, but entirely unacceptable. Apologies, were not enough, we also got to wash, scrub and make it look like new.

Compassion:

"Sharing emotion is natural and healthy. Equally important, is the ability to comfort another in times of need.”

Mom cried when life hit hard and we instinctively wanted to comfort her, even as toddlers. I remember us bringing wet washcloths to dry her tears, as she spoke on the phone to my father, in the process of their divorce. Learning to express sadness when it arises, may be one way to an early resolve with a renewed balance for happiness. On the giving side, one’s ability to feel empathy and show compassion for others, hopefully lessen human suffering.

Renunciation:

"Dare to start over, even if the future appears uncertain.”

So, it was, one day when mom had finally had enough with my first step-father. She bought a van and drove north, from the sunny beaches of Florida, to the cornfields of Iowa. She dared to relinquish and sever her bonds of strife, trusting she could improve life on her own, alone with two daughters.

Wisdom:

"Being poor and happy, will always be a better option over being rich and miserable. However, having money helps.”

Once Mom left the first three significant men in her life, (one of them being her Daddy) she also left a life of financial security for our childhood. She never looked back. And, it never gave her a reason to put on the brakes. Mom, has always had a lot of energy. Her solution was to just get busy working and do whatever was needed. We learned how to contribute and better utilize our resources.

It became okay to have second hand clothes and a joy to have great finds from the local community "free box.” We qualified for food stamps, at times. It felt like the little extra we needed and it wasn't shameful. When it was cold in the house during winter, we learned to build a fire or put on a sweater. By then we had left the cornfields and found the Rocky Mountains. We were in a small town and could walk everywhere. Those necessities, even if seemingly uncomfortable at times, made us be proactive for basic needs. Life was fun.

When I was a kid we didn't have health insurance, nor any significant savings. Financial investments and retirement plans were not mentioned and simply not possible, based on Mom's single parent income. All the same, we made it through those years and things even improved.

Respect:

"Always remember your worth; know you deserve nice things.”

I remember so well two distinct purchases, Mom managed because she knew her worth. One was, Erno Laszlo skin care products. She always said, "Girls, it is important to take care of your skin.” You know, the whole bit; cleanser, scrub, toner and lotion. I loved the routine, the smell and feel of using her products. The other purchase, (we often laughed about) was an oriental carpet; justified as an investment. To make it happen, Mom had to go to the bank and take out a loan. Yes, it was truly beautiful and we loved both; admiring it and sitting on it for many years.

Maybe in hindsight, that could be why when went I went into private practice as a doctor, I had to buy the most expensive beautiful carpet I could find for my clinic. Mom instilled in me a feeling of being worthy and when I can pamper myself to make life just a bit more luxurious, this is internalized as a good thing.

Trust:

"Even when I could not be with you in person to celebrate accomplishments in your life, I will always love you. I am here for you.”

Mom was not in the auditorium when I received scholarships for my skiing accomplishments and then proceeded to give the commencement speech at my high school graduation. Five years later, she was not in the field when I threw my graduation cap into the blue sky of summer, that glorious day I graduated from University.

I know she always wanted to be by my side for the mile markers of my life and she always was, at least in spirit. The distance and directions of our lives were many times separated by oceans. For those times I stood alone and went out into the world myself. I grew in strength what I lacked in hand-holding. My independence and confidence blossomed exponentially to figure it out on my own.

Follow natural law:

"Health, biology and sex are topics always open for discussion. Take care of your mind, body and spirit each day.”

Mom, always said, "use birth control! You know… I got pregnant with my underwear on!” One of her greatest early fears of motherhood, seemed to be one of us would become pregnant as teenagers. Consequently, she was very upfront and outspoken. I am pretty sure she scared me into disciplined safe sex.

Discussions of healthy eating and lifestyle were paramount. As a child, I was embarrassed by my bag lunches from home. Other kids could easily make me the laughingstock around what weird thing, I was going to eat. Things like tahini, rice-cakes and alfalfa sprouts were absolutely a subject for mobbing. I survived; continue to love health food, exercise and without a doubt recommend contraceptives.

Diligence:

”The world is full of wonder, intrigue and adventure. Make time in your life to experience and learn. Think to include; new places, cultures, languages, people and nature.”

Outings and adventures for mom have grown, exploring all far-reaching corners of our planet. She went from small outings to the beach in Miami to road trips cross-country, to moving to Japan for a year to soak up art, design, cuisine, language and landscape. Mom, never hesitated to try something new; even going back to school for an art degree, after we were grown up and gone. Along the way she found herself in the company of strangers, whom have become lifetime friends. She and my second stepfather, have spent more time together living in Italy, Laos and Thailand than they have in the US, over the last 35 years. Not to mention their vacations in Europe, Asia and Africa.

She has shown me the way, and I have followed right along; living in Nepal, Guatemala, Italy and now Sweden. Each place has had its emersion into language, culture and the workforce.

Cultivate Awareness:

"Always express kindness and compassion, above all. Developing awareness within yourself, is the single most important endeavor of your lifetime.”

As life takes its tosses and turns, Mom got breast cancer, which eventually metastasized to her liver. Under the care of a specialist in Thailand, she has successfully outlived all other individuals in the world taking the same treatment. She is not only the longest survivor, but now those cancer cells have disappeared entirely. At the time of discovering the dreadful news of a metastasis, she took on the daunting task of facing her own mortality, impermanence and the meaning of life. This serious inner searching, lead to a decade of study and ongoing practice of Tibetan Buddhism.

Mom faced her fears and lives her truth. She has accepted the situation to be what it is and continues living a productive, creative life. I believe her conclusion might be something like...

"Whatever you do in life; live fully, enjoy heart-fully, and express creatively helping others along the way.”

Well, I do not know exactly what she would say, but I am lucky enough to be able to call her on messenger and ask her directly. I feel lucky, grateful and loved. I believe I am a stronger, happier person as a result of getting to shadow and learn from the one person in my life, I call, Mom.

Mom is alive, well and continues to sparkle. She spends her time creating art while living in Tuscany, Italy and Santa Fe, New Mexico. She is happily married and has three grandchildren.

Kimberly Hampton Nilsson

June 1, 2021

Thank you for reading.