The Bold New Face of Motherhood

I wondered if motherhood has changed over the years, and I don't really have an answer. I know what I think, though, based on my observations.

I have witnessed women's complete transformation when this miracle of life is pending. Once staunch, environmentalists or career-minded insisted that they never have a child. Who then wholly melted into a big 'ol softies shirking suits for comfies and spending their days in adoring wonder, this begins at the swelling of the belly stage. Then there were the friends and family who carefully planned it or went with the flow in relationship bliss and were happily expecting to be expecting. Who jumped into gear and consulted and prepared readily.

As mentioned above, those women continued in shock for the first three months after seeing the little blue lines on the magical stick. Then this warm amazement overcomes them, and it's sheer giddy excitement from there. Followed by gusto at having to get things done and ready! Days balanced with reading up on motherhood, conversations with friends and mothers, and alternating with the bucket rounds (blech).

Then there is the list stage. With To-do's, necessary items, wish items carefully cross-checked and early ultrasound pictures when the sex of the child is not known yet—choosing names, blankies, toys, types of diapers near completion before the final countdown. It is around this point I barely hear from them again because in their world, everything is a blur of hurry and nerves, and unless you've had one, you just don't understand y'know. So then I wait patiently for the big announcement and the 300 pictures and posts that follow, and I am genuinely excited for them.

No matter how their pregnancies progress, they always morph into maternal goddesses before and after the arrival of their perfect little ones and are exceedingly happy. Yes, all are goddesses. Nothing is more perfect than the maternal form that shows health, vigor, and the expectation of life that affects everyone on a lucid emotional level. The level gaze of Love to the reality of the new mini-me. Awwwe.

This Writer never had children (a weird O- negative blood type creates a dilemma if the would-be father has a different blood type), not knowing this when my life partner was alive, well, we never had any. So instead, God has blessed me with puppies much later. I have eternal Love and adoration for babies and like everyone, am immediately drawn to a baby announcement or coochy-coo picture.

Not so curious was I with the actual birth process. It was always a mystery. I had honestly never witnessed it until, believe it or not; someone posted a video of it on Facebook. I went back to school for a 2nd post-grad cert later in life. As I was studying late into the evening, I took a tea and Facebook break and, scrolling through, saw a post that I couldn't at first quite make out the image of. Then omg! Was that a vagina staring at me from my Facebook page? Then a head emerged, and my head dropped and hit the computer keyboard. I fainted. Facebook shouldn't do such things to the unsuspecting. This, I had never seen.

So what was part of the "big mystery," for me resolved. Over the years, many friends have had children. So I began to wonder if motherhood has changed over the years. All apparatus seems to be unchanged. Bottles, diapers, toys. Are attitudes toward being a mother the same? So, eternally curious about the psychology of things, I asked. I took a poll of different ages of mothers and grandmothers to see. There is a challenge in this because mothers don't have time to answer polls. So it took a little while.

The main area I was interested in was their perception of changing attitudes toward motherhood. Here is what some of the moms had to say. I am highlighting only a few responses as many replied the same, and these encompass the whole of them. This part is direct quotes, only changed in grammar or edited to fit the word count. Otherwise, directly in answer to my interview questions. Interviewees had the choice of answering one or all of the questions.

QUESTIONS

* What does motherhood mean to you?

* Do you see any differences or similarities between you and your mother?

* Tell me something your child has said to you that moved you.

* Do you notice a different attitude toward motherhood from the time you were growing up?

* What advice would you give to a new mother?

ANSWERS

Brooke

"Motherhood is everlasting Love. The biggest difference between my mother's day and age and today is that she was a stay-at-home mom, and I have to work. With my husband, two of us help, which makes a big difference. So, the schedules are different, but it is still the same overall experience. My daughter isn't old enough to say anything yet to me, but the look in her eyes when I hold her says everything. So, the only advice I would give is to take everyone's advice but do it your way. You are the only one who knows your limits and comforts."

Gina

Motherhood is an indescribable bond. It's about sharing everything and watching them grow from what you teach them. I don't see any difference from my mom raising me. She is always there for advice for my boy. The advice I would give would be to not worry about how you are doing. Relax and enjoy being a mom.

Angelique

The birth of a child is an amazing experience. But, I would not do anything different. "I love you," melts my heart. But, I don't think so, I don't notice any big differences in raising children. My advice would be to Love your child unconditionally. Teach respectful habits and for children to always tell the truth even if they're going to get in trouble.

Cara

The biggest impact is understanding life, the beauty, the wonder, the fragility, and loving it so much that I would give my life for my children to have the experience. I was a latchkey kid, so I was a SAHM. I am still (a stay-at-home mom). Without a doubt, it is I Love You, but truly it is in the things that aren't said that ring the loudest, holding hands, clinging to my leg, standing by my side, giving me a kiss and hug in the mall where all of their friends can see them. Teach your kids your best parts of You. It is exactly the point of raising our wee bairn, and each of our spirits for life will live on forever.

Tina Marie

Nothing in this life has made me more unselfish than being a mom; it has made me an extremely strong person. I have grown in ways I never even thought possible! Raising children of your own is like riding a rollercoaster but blindfolded. I also have a grandbaby and daughter home with me, and let me tell you, it's an entirely different ballgame because when you become a grandparent, you are coming into the game with lots of experience. You feel like wow, it's an entirely new and different love. You become a lion, and you're not even sure how you seem to be even more protective of the grandbaby than anyone else, and how is that even possible when you love your kids more than life already. Is it you love these grandkids even more? You don't love them more; you have forgotten through the phases of being a parent about that pure innocence and that non-judgment Love your kids had for you and you for them. Through the years and trying times with your kids, you wonder why they may hate you today and love you tomorrow. It's difficult to figure out when kids are growing up, and our grandkids remind us of what used to be and what life was when our own children were born! I never want to leave you because I love you that much, my favorite words. Yes, motherhood has changed; society has changed. They don't have the patience like mothers before them; mothers today are not as selfless. My advice is to hold them tight, hug them long and kiss them every day. They are only kids for a short time, and then they leave. It goes faster than you realize, and make sure they always know each day is a new day. Each day in life is another chance at life!

Delia

Motherhood helped me heal my relationship with my mother and relate better to all the mothers. It helped me appreciate every fellow human much more, seeing the work and dedication of 24/7 that it takes to raise a human. It helped me understand how ignorant we can be taking others for granted or taking our parents' efforts for granted, not fully appreciating all of their years of dedication to keep us alive, healthy, safe, fed, etc. I think I am a bit more relaxed as a mother than my mom; she worked so much, is an overachiever, and used to work herself until she dropped. I don't remember my mom ever going to sleep before midnight or waking up after 5 in the morning. I realized I want my children to see me enjoying life, laughing, being happy. My mom is a superhero, a perfectionist. I never saw her claiming time for herself, prioritizing herself, and all that work not appreciated by people around; it was all taken for granted, so I didn't want to repeat that. But, yes, she did set the bar unbelievably high. She was and still is a perfectionist, one that I am forever in awe of. My first child said to me with lots of pride in front of his class while he was in kindergarten, introducing me, "she is my mom, she is still in college because she is a very young mom." He said it with so much pride; I can't forget that moment. Each of my 4 has very philosophical minds, and I adore so much all their ideas. My daughter ( 5 years old) asked me a few days ago if God is a boy or a girl. I was driving, so I couldn't come up with an answer right away, she continued. "Mommy, I think God must be a girl and a boy too because if he made the world, it must be both; it takes both genders to make the world, isn't it so mommy?" I loved her logic. From my life experience, I see that mothers nowadays are more respected and appreciated than before. I think we are moving as a society in the right direction, slowly, but for sure in the right direction. For a new mother: you will always find yourself in a battle with your limits; give yourself credit for all the amazing things you will be doing with your child and for your child; don't accept advice just from anyone because your journey doesn't necessarily resemble anyone else's. We always have different personalities at play; one thing that works miracles might not work for another. Learn to forgive yourself for all the small mistakes you will be making. Talk to that precious soul with the most loving words because whatever you say will be written forever into their hearts and minds. Show them the beauty of life and everything around you because what you show them will shape the way they see the world. Be generous to your child in every way possible."

The answers speak for themselves. The primary and marked opinion from all was the immensity of Love. The quiet depiction in one or two words or descriptive paragraphs of Love and Caring in simplicity. As far as I can see, the only difference is how social networking shares that Love. It is amazing. Grandparenting never changes, and hearts grow wider with each successive generation.

Now, off I go, back to my fur babies.

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