There are no leftover girls in America

A few days ago, I saw many domestic media heated up the topic of "leftover women" : Psychologists and sociologists have deeply discussed the reasons for the existence of leftover women and ways to solve this problem. Some men criticize the so-called "leftover women" for their high vision and being left behind. There are also many so-called "leftover women" who are anxious to go on blind dates or break through the "leftover women" castle through other means. Put themselves into the "leftover women", and then anxious to marry themselves off, of course, there are a few of their own conditions are very good in all aspects of the older women proud of the remaining... .

Personally, I have certain requirements for marriage, but not high requirements, belong to the more casual and relaxed kind, because I think the ideal marriage is always available; But I admire the persistence and determination of those women who pursue their ideal marriage at the cost of "remaining". Moreover, if a woman is completely independent financially and spiritually and has a life she likes, marriage can make her life more perfect, but without marriage, there seems to be no great defect.

We classify unmarried women over a certain age as "leftover women" because our cultural view that "men should marry when they are older and women should marry when they are older" still occupies a dominant position in society and our subconscious always requires everyone to live according to certain converging social values. If anyone does not, he/she is violating this law. People have to analyze what's wrong with her!

In the United States, there are many unmarried men and women of all ages, and even some people in their 60s and 70s have never been married. I think some of them may also want to marry themselves off. However, unmarried women at an older age do not bring high attention from the society, and few people even gossip behind their backs, let alone the "leftover women" and collective anxiety. I think this is not American noble, in my opinion, the deep reason is from their culture and American values of love and marriage:

1) In terms of culture: the culture that Americans have been irrigated from childhood is independence, including women and even the elderly (the author's previous article "Don't Help the Elderly in America Easily" describes that even the elderly take pride in independence). This independence includes economic, spiritual and even independent thinking ability, and they take pride in relying on themselves in everything. In China, there are still many families that inculcate the education of girls to study hard, or to learn their talents, or even to grow bright spots and marry a successful husband in the future. Many social media also guide girls in this way, for example, they comment on the marriage of celebrities, judging which star is more successful by whose husband is financially well off. American women are generally more independent than we are. They are never the "little bird" type, but independent, strong and opposite individuals ---- Independence is a very important quality for them. If a person is independent, mentally strong, and has a clear idea of what he or she wants in life, he or she will not struggle to find support.

2) Americans do not have the concept of marrying on time. They are not expected to live a life in line with the values of most people. The United States is a country that absolutely values individual freedom and individual freedom (even too much, in my opinion). Men over 30 years old, women over 27 or 28 have not married people never worry, American people in their 40s to get married is also very common, I have come into contact with some clients are 50, 60 or unmarried, have not seen them worried! My parents are eager for them to settle down, but not as anxious as our Chinese parents. People around them don't worry about them, let alone wonder if there is something wrong with them, and a little bit of speculation about why they haven't married yet. Even some people get old and can't find the right person, they choose to be single.

3) It is very important that when choosing a partner for love or marriage, they pay more attention to the convergence of values, suitability of personality and similarity of hobbies, rather than external height, appearance and age. Western marriage ads introduce their own interests, hobbies, personality, the age requirements of the other side is usually five years older than their own size, whether the other side has children is not important. The women they like are informative, knowledgeable and interesting, while domestic men (except boys in their 20s) mostly like young and beautiful. In China, I have heard a famous saying ---- the ideal of successful men in their 40s and 50s is to get divorced first and find someone who is the same age as their daughter!

4) In the United States, mature women are more appreciated in both the marriage market and the job market. Yesterday morning, we had a morning meeting, and the manager read to us some customer complaints in the New State market of the Bank of America. One customer actually complained that the staff of a branch were too young. He said that all the staff looked less than 30 years old, including the manager (in fact, some employees were over 30). Compared with China, many companies, even the government, are more inclined to recruit people under the age of 35. If it is in the service industry or the industry that needs to deal with the public, it is usually required under 25, and the oldest one cannot be over 30. However, American companies are more inclined to recruit mature and experienced people over 35 years old. Therefore, in the United States, middle-aged and elderly news media anchors, older and plain-looking advertising "stars", and even air hostesses are also very old.

I once had a heated discussion with an overseas Chinese man about the pros and cons of our male compatriots compared to foreigners. My opinion is that our male compatriots have many advantages, but a big disadvantage is that most of them have a "girly" complex (and attach great importance to appearance). If successful men in their 40s (or just those with good jobs) marry again, most of them will want to marry someone under 30. The author has a divorced female friend who is 35 years old and excellent in all aspects. However, when I look at many dating websites, men in their 40s and more than 40 years old who look a little better condition are indicated to be under 30 years old. Even if she sees them with similar interests and hobbies, she still does not have the courage to send a letter to them! Some men are even proud to marry young women and show them off. Others envy them.

Western men prefer mature, independent "cougars". In contrast to domestic women with children who find it difficult to find a marriage partner, in the United States, strong and active women with children are much more respected and admired by them. Two of my female American colleagues (aged 33 and 43) were living with three children after their first marriages failed, and both went on to marry their second husbands, whom they never married.

Another example is that Mrs. Obama is admired and appreciated by many people in the United States and throughout Europe and Africa, but in China, few men appreciate her. I saw an article analyzing the reasons why Michelle Obama is not popular in China. The analysis is really thorough: The reason, the article said, is that the vast majority of Chinese men do not appreciate mature, capable and mentally strong women. In their eyes, young and beautiful girls are what men want and pursue.