3-way a new way

Jerry Seinfeld was in love.

He felt like a new person.

He started to write poems and letters.

He felt like listening to old love songs, to dance and to shout his new, true love story from the roof tops of New York.

To say hello to all the lovely and lonely hearts, to share the dreamy and beautiful love he had in his own.

For his true… loves. Plural.

Two. More than one.

It was okay, he thought, as long as they were in on it, and as long as they both wanted to be with him and each other.

The more he thought about it, the more he liked it. The more he thought about it—- he thought he might be crazy, too.

But, he knew that though it may be a long shot, this could be the best thing he could ever have in his life. These two people really meant everything to him.

He pictured them young again, George with all his hair, Elaine with a bit more oomph in her step, and himself with less gray in his hair.

He wished he would’ve seen it before.

All those times he self-sabotaged a starting relationship with a woman. Every time George would get excited after being single again. All the times Elaine would seemingly always stay single and would just date men who really weren’t compatible with her to begin with.

They just couldn’t find the right one. None of them.

Jerry started writing down the “perfect pitch,” for this new relationship between the three of them.

But he just couldn’t find the words.

He started writing it like an old newspaper ad:

Tired of half the chores (or more than half)for not much of a pay out? Tired of that boyfriend who doesn’t have the time? The girlfriend with the cold shoulder? Tired of being cold in bed and a bit more than dry in the sheets? Well, look no further—than a relationship with the loveable and affirming Jerry Seinfeld, wherein no matter WHO is tired, there’ll always be someone to give you a hug and a nice cuppa. Elaine and George, apply within. No one else need apply. Results may vary.

He scrapped it.

He then realized he just needed to say what was in his heart.

It terrifies him, but he knows he needs to say it. And he also knows, at the very least, he won’t lose his friends either way.

Right?

He starts cleaning up his apartment and making drinks, feeling flustered and wondering why he is so nervous. He’s sweating, too.

Then, George finally arrives. Elaine was still at work, but would be over within the hour.

They hug and say hello.

“How was your day?”

“Terrible,” Jerry answers honestly. “Yours?”

“Eh, not bad. I worked. You had a terrible day? Why?”

Jerry sighs. “I haven’t been sleeping much, honestly. I have been getting these weird dreams. And just, I don’t know. I haven’t been able to really feel normal lately.”

George nods. “Yeah. I know.”

“You know? How do you know?”

“Well, remember when you called me dear?”

Jerry is glad his back is turned as he gets back from his pantry, as his face is beet red.

“Uh, yeah?”

George sighs. “Never mind. Don’t worry about it.”

Jerry feels his heart pounding, but he knows tonight is the night.

“No. No, it’s okay to ask me. I’m…. um, well.” He turns around, and their eyes meet. “George?”

“Yeah?”

“I like you.”

George smiles a bit dumbly for a moment, then almost seems to wake up, swallowing harshly and then getting up from the couch.

“What?”

“I don’t like you,” Jerry says, and George breathes in softly. “I… I think I really like you.”

George’s eyes were wider than Jerry had ever seen them, and he looked like he was going to faint.

“Huh? Com-come again?”

“George…” Jerry starts walking toward him. “I had dream of you and Elaine. It was … so nice. We were all cuddling in my bed. And that’s it. I had that dream over a week ago and I can’t forget it. I know we all care about each other. I know Elaine likes us. We… share everything together.”

George is so confused, he almost passes out, falling a bit on the couch.

“Are… you proposing that.. we get into a relationship, Jer?”

Jerry nods. “If you… you’re… if you would be interested? Of course, I wanna ask Elaine…”

“Elaine, too?” He says with a grin.

“Yeah. I.. wanna be with you both.”

“Both, wow. Hmm. What did she say?” George smiles.

Jerry frowns. “I.. I don’t think you quite understand what I’m proposing. I want to be with you, too. Like… romantically. Do you get it? I want to be with both of you, romantically.”

“Oh… oh!” George finally understands. “Ohhh…” he looks down with his cheeks flushed.

“Yeah. That’s weird, right? Or… what do you think?” Jerry looks at him with the most terrified expression, and George sees it. “Look, I can’t lose you. So… I… if you don’t feel the same, I won’t even bring it up to Laney. At all. I just…”

“You really like me? Really?” George whispers.

Jerry looks down, then at George. “Yeah. I do.”

George laughs nervously, walking toward Jerry. “Is that why you called me dear? And touched my hand?”

“Ye-yeah…” Jerry runs his fingers through his curly, messy hair. “But, you still aren’t telling me how you feel.”

“I don’t know. I mean… it’s been brought up. Us being a thing… but… I mean…”

“It’s okay. Don’t worry. We can forget it.”

“No!” George shouts, making Jerry flinch. “I mean… no. I’m sorry. I… shouldn’t we just… test out the waters? I wanna… uh, see if you and I are… compatible?”

“Are you sure this isn’t an ego trip, George, I mean… you know I like you, and to prove it, you just wanna stroke that big old ego of yours?”

“You know me so well, Jer…” George sarcastically drawls out, then shakes his head and sighs. “Come on, really? Yeah, I gotta big ego. That’s true. But, I wouldn’t do that to you. Okay?”

“Yeah. I know. Elaine will be here soon. What do you think? Is this just too much?”

“Like… how? I mean… I do like Elaine. She’s cute. And you…” George seems to be eyeing him up and down and Jerry blushes. “You are good.”

“Good? What’s that mean?” Jerry scrunches his nose.

“You look good, kay? You look good. I don’t know how to compliment men. I only know how to do it with women.” George licks his lips, “Do ya wanna kiss?”

Jerry was unprepared to hear this query and then shirked back, almost falling off the chair.

“You okay, Jer?” He gets closer to Jerry and tries to help him back on the chair.

“I… I never expected that you’d wanna do that. That’s all.”

“But… you wanted it, right?” George asks softly, putting his hand on Jerry’s shoulders.

They both breathe in.

George leans in, but then stops, “Do I lead? How does it work? Do I just.. uh, I’m not sure…”

Jerry bites his lip.

Jerry blinks, takes in a quick breath, and quickly closes the gap, giving him a peck on the mouth.

“Mmm…” George can’t believe the noise he just made from such a short kiss, but it makes his whole body quiver.

“How… was that?” Jerry says quietly.

“Good. You?”

Jerry nods, feeling like grinning, but is trying to hold it in.

George can’t take it anymore, and leans in and kisses him on his own. Full and long and hard and with tongue this time. His hands go through that wavy, messy, black hair, and he moans uncontrollably now.

And Jerry hears it, and he moans back, kissing without restraint.

“Jer, this…” he leans in and kisses Jerry’s cheek, and leads a trail down to his neck, “this is wild..”

“I didn’t know you wanted to see me under you so bad…” Jerry teases, and George laughs. “It’s a new side of dominance from you I have never seen before.”

“I can’t help it. You… you’re so… you’re handsome…. And beautiful….” George whispers, still kissing him.

Jerry’s eyes widen. “Beautiful?”

“Yeah… yeah. Did I say anything wrong?”

“No. You didn’t. Just, I never been called that before.”

“Is this okay? You wanna stop?”

Jerry looks at him with eyes that say, don’t you ever stop… but he nods. “Let’s talk to Elaine.”

“What if she doesn’t want to be with us?” George asks. “What about… you and I?”

“I’d still wanna be with you. Is that what you wanna hear?” Jerry grins.

“I… gotta be honest, Jer. That kiss felt so good. Maybe it’s cause I hadn’t been kissed in awhile. But… that felt so damn good. You know?”

Jerry keeps grinning. “I know. It did. You felt good.”

George feels his pants getting uncomfortably tight. “I felt good to you?”

“You wanna go to my room?”

“Crap. You’re really cute. Okay. Let’s go.”

They take each other’s hand, and walk to his room.

They sit down on the bed, it feels awkward all of a sudden. Jerry feels so strangely good yet there was something missing. Elaine. George feels that way too.

“You wanna go back to.. the living room…” Jerry says. “Elaine will be here, soon.”

“Sure. Listen, Jer, I think you and I got something going good on. I like you, too. So… I hope we can make it work. But, when you asked me to your room… what were you thinking about?”

Jerry sighs. “I don’t know. What do two men do in bed?”

“Sleep?”

“I mean… who like each other.”

George shrugs. “Kiss.”

“And?”

“I don’t know. I liked kissing you.”

Jerry looks at him and moves closer, “Me too.”

“Let’s kiss again to be sure.”

Jerry nods. “Yeah. It’s always good to be one hundred percent sure.”

This time, they move with a slow intensity, and George starts whispering things in Jerry’s ear, in between kisses.

“Baby… you’re so good…mmm… oh, baby… yeah, kiss me, sweet guy…”

Jerry looks at him and is surprised by the romantic softness George is portraying.

“George? Heya…. Hey, George?” Jerry whispers.

“Yeah?” He stops his kissing and looks at in a funny way.

“You are calling me a lot of things.”

“Uh, I’m sorry… I got caught up.”

“No… I liked it. It was… nice.”

“Really?” George asks.

“Yeah. Hey,” Jerry looks at him affectionately and fixes the others glasses, as they look crooked. “Let’s go in the living room, okay, dear?”

“Okay, baby.”

They discuss this precarious situation a bit more, and then, start wondering how they will tell Elaine about all of this. George is trying to think of “three-ways,” in a new way, and just as they get into a great way to explain it, wherein it’s a committed relationship between all three of them and not perverted at all, she arrives, looking stressed.

“I need a drink!” She tells them, throwing her coat and purse to the floor.

“No problem!” Jerry says, going to the kitchen, as Jerry looks at George and then the stuff on the floor. George understands, picks it up, organizes it all, and puts it neatly on the couch.

“Here’s your drink,” Jerry says softly, and she smiles.

“Thank you, Jerry.” She looks at her neatly folded stuff. “You did this, George? Wow. Thanks. You two are life savers.”

“We try,” They both say together.

She blinks, almost spitting out her drink. “Twins!” She points at them, her nails freshly manicured. Jerry can see the gleam of fresh paint on her nails in his living room lighting.

“Ahaha, that’s a good one, eh? Isn’t it, Jer?” George says, with too much emphasis and Elaine looks at them oddly.

“Sure, yeah. A good one. Need anything else?” Jerry asks, giving George another look. It says, tone it down.

“No. But, what’s up? You two are acting… I can’t put my finger on it… but… so weird.”

“Hey, let’s watch that movie. What do ya say?” George suggests, feeling too hot in a crowded space.

“Okaaay. Home Alone, right?” She asks, and they nod.

Jerry goes to get the movie from his room and suddenly he hears an explosion occur.

“We’re in LOVE! That’s it! We’re all in love!” George yells.

And Jerry feels like he is about to disappear, feeling like everything is about to collapse in on itself.

Like some, old and aging, dying comedian star.

And it’s not even funny.