A Name is a Weapon, a Name Is a Balm

"Emma?"

"Every other baby girl since '93 has been named Emma."

"I don't mean Rachel's Emma. I mean, like, Austen's Emma."

"Austin?"

"Austen, Ben. Jane Austen."

"Oh, a literary name. Too college-y for me."

"Is there a more trade-union-name you'd prefer?"

"Don't be an ass, Lis. What about Rebecca?"

"Rebecca... not literary at all."

"It's my mom's sister's name."

"Oh, auntie Bec, right. We're not doing Rebecca. Too vintage, and I went to high school with a Becky who was a total dick."

"Becky's not the same as Rebecca. We wouldn't have to shorten it."

"When was the last time someone called you Benjamin?"

"I feel like you have a problem with auntie Bec. I've always felt like that, and I don't know why you would; she doesn't have kids or a husband and she got us an air fryer for the wedding."

"I know; I was there. I'm not giving our daughter a name I hate because your aunt regifted us an air fryer she found at the dump. Danielle?"

"Not Danielle. Same name as that fantasy romance author my mom's obsessed with. I'd just picture photoshopped abs every time we called her down for breakfast. Jenna?"

"Cute, but absolutely not. You don't happen to recall the name of a certain 'best friend' who stole my boyfriend?"

"Yeah, in grade ten."

"Oh, okay, how about Kaycee then?"

"Yeah, because my cheating ex is the same as a bitchy high schooler."

"Okay, we're not doing Jenna or Kaycee. I've always loved that British illustrator, Beatrix Potter? What do you think? We could call her 'Bea' for short."

"Is she going to come out with grey hair and wrinkles? How about Gladys while we're at it?"

"I'm just thinking out loud, Ben. Do you have any female idols whose names might work? And do not say your mother."

"Veronica would be kind of cute, though. Ronnie?"

"Ew, no. That's your dad's name for your mom. So weird."

"Angelina?"

"When my name's Lisa? Angelina reminds me of, like, an Italian supermodel."

"Are you saying she needs a more boring name like yours?"

"Mine was going to be Victoria, but"--

"I know."

--"my mom shot it down, for some insane reason. If my dad had got his way, then maybe we could've gone with Angelina. Angie."

"Okay, so, not too pretty or too literary; not too old-lady-ish or our mom's names. Or exes or aunts."

"Beth."

"Veto."

"I like Beth. Like the quiet sister in Little Women."

"Right, the one who dies. That's also the name of your mom's sister, right? The one who messed around with your dad before you were born?"

"I've always liked her name."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Lis. Too much emotional baggage there. You don't want to complicate your mom's relationship with her only grandkid. I don't know why you'd even consider that name, actually; are you joking?"

"Might help mom put that crap behind her."

"I think you know that it wouldn't. It would probably hurt her feelings, but she wouldn't say anything 'cause she loves you."

"This is our daughter. Just because mom's sister was an asshole, doesn't mean anyone in the family can ever be named 'Beth' again."

"I think it does mean that, actually. I hope this is just hormones and not you seriously thinking up ways to use our daughter as a weapon to get even with your mom. She's really tried these last few years, Lis. How about Carla?"

"Your sister?"

"Yeah."

"Carla was a miscarriage, though."

"I know; I thought it could be like a tribute to my sister-that-never-was."

"Talk about opening up old wounds."

"That's not the same. It could be healing... to me, anyways."

"Well, I think it's morbid. And if our daughter's name can't be a weapon-- your words!-- then it can't be a balm, either."

"Fine. Fair, I guess."

"What's a name that has no ties to anyone we know, except maybe like an author or actor that neither of us has strong feelings about?"

"Rose? Titanic?"

"No. No flower names. No season names either, like April or Summer. And I don't want a name that's going to define her as, like, a tomboy or a girly-girl or a... free spirit, or something."

"So, not Willow or Harmony?"

"Exactly. Is there a name that conveys, like, I-want-the-best-for-my-daughter and she-can-be-anything-she-wants-to-be? As long as that's not, like, a stripper or a starving artist."

"You're thinking about this too much. I think we just pick a name and love her and try not to project our shit onto her."

"Sorry I suggested Kaycee. And Beth. I don't want her to be a weapon."

"I don't think a name exists that encompasses everything we do and don't want her to be. She's going to be who she's going to be, regardless of her name."

"Let's go with Carla."

"Are you sure? I thought you said that was 'too morbid'?"

"No, you're right: it'd be a nice tribute to your sister."

"Carla."

"If you still want that name."

"Not unlucky?"

"I don't believe in luck."

"No..."

"What'd you say?"

"Nothing."

"Do you still want Carla?"

"Yes. Yes."