Billy the King

'Now, William,' said Billy King's great-uncle, 'you are old enough to earn your own living, so I shall find you a nice situation in an office, and you will not return to school.' The blood of Billy King ran cold in his veins. He looked out over the brown wire blinds into Claremont Square, Pentonville, which was where his uncle lived, and the tears came into his eyes; for, though his uncle thought he was old enough to earn his own living, he was still young enough to hate the idea of having to earn it in an office, where he would never do anything, or make anything, or see anything, but only add up dull figures from year's end to year's end. 'I don't care,' said Billy to himself. 'I'll run away and get a situation on my own--something interesting. I wonder if I could learn how to be a pirate captain or a highwayman?' And next morning Billy got up very early, before anyone was about, and ran away. He ran till he was out of breath and then he walked, and he walked till he was out of patience, and then he ran again, and between walking and running he came at last plump up to the door of a shop. And over the shop there were big painted letters saying, 'Registry office for all sorts of persons out of employment.' 'I'm out of employment, anyway,' said he. The window of the shop had big green-baize-shutter sort of things in them, with white cards fastened on to them with drawing-pins, and on the cards were written the kind of persons out of employment the registry office had got places for. And in the very first one he read there was his own name--King! 'I've come to the right shop,' said Billy, and he read the card through. 'Good general King wanted. Must be used to the business.' 'That's not me, I'm afraid,' thought Billy, 'because whatever a general King's business is I can't be used to it till I've tried it.' The next was: 'Good steady King wanted. Must be quick, willing, and up to his work.' 'I'm willing enough,' said Billy, 'and I'm quick enough--at any rate, at fives or footer--but I don't know what a steady King's work is.' So he looked at another card. 'Wanted, respectable King to take entire charge of Parliament, and to assist in Cabinet Councils and Reform of the Army, to open Bazaars and Schools of Art, and make himself generally useful.' Billy shook his head. 'I think that must be a very hard place,' said he. The next was: 'Competent Queen wanted; economical and good manager.' 'Whatever else I am I'm not a Queen,' said Billy, and he was just turning sadly away, when he saw a little card stuck away in the right-hand top corner of the baize field. 'Hard-working King wanted; no objection to one who has not been out before.' 'I can but try,' said Billy, and he opened the door of the registry office and walked in. Inside there were several desks. At the first desk a lion with a pen behind its ear was dictating to a unicorn, who was writing in a series of Bluebooks with his horn. Billy noticed that the horn had been sharpened to a nice point, like a lead pencil when the drawing-master does it for you as a favour. 'I think you want a King?' said Billy timidly. 'No, we don't,' said the lion, and it turned on him so quickly that Billy was sorry he had spoken. 'The situation is filled, young man, and we're thoroughly suited.' Billy was turning away, much dispirited, when the unicorn said: 'Try some of the others.' So he went on to the next desk, where a frog sat sadly. But it only wanted Presidents; and at the next desk an eagle told him that only Emperors were wanted, and those very seldom. It was not till he got to the very end of the long room that Billy found a desk where a fat pig in spectacles sat reading a cookery-book. 'Do you want a King?' said Billy. 'I've not been out before.' 'Then you're the King for us,' said the pig, shutting the cookery-book with a bang. 'Hard-working, I suppose, as the notice says?' 'I think I should be,' said Billy, adding, honestly, 'especially if I liked the work.' The pig gave him a square of silver parchment and said, 'That's the address.' On the parchment was written: 'Kingdom of Plurimiregia. Billy King, Respectable Monarch. Not been out before.' 'You'd better go by post,' said the pig. 'The five o'clock post will do.' 'But why--but how--where is it?' asked Billy. 'I don't know where it is,' said the pig, 'but the Post-Office knows everything. As to how--why, you just tie a label round your neck and post yourself in the nearest letter-box. As to why, that's a silly question, really, your Majesty. Don't you know the Post-Office always takes charge of the Royal males?' Billy was just putting the address carefully away in what would have been his watch-pocket if he had had any relation in the world except a greatuncle, when the swing door opened gently and a little girl came in. She looked at the lion and unicorn and the other busy beasts behind their desks, and she did not seem to like the look of them. She looked up the long room and she saw Billy, and she came straight up to him and said: 'Please I want a situation as Queen. It says in the window previous experience not required.' She was a very shabby little girl, with a clean, round, rosy face, and she looked as little like a Queen with previous experience as anybody could possibly have done. 'I'm not the registry office, my good kid,' said Billy. And the pig said, 'Try the next desk.' Behind the next desk sat a lizard, but it was so large it was more like an alligator, only with a less unpleasant expression about the mouth. 'Speak to him,' said the pig, as the lizard leaned forward on his front paws like a draper's assistant when he says, 'What's the next article?' 'I don't like to,' said the little girl. 'Nonsense, you little duffer!' said Billy kindly; 'he won't eat you.' 'Are you sure?' said the little girl very earnestly. Then Billy said, 'Look here, I'm a King, and so I've got a situation. Are you a Queen?' 'My name's Eliza Macqueen,' said the little girl. 'I suppose that's near enough.' 'Well, then,' said Billy to the lizard, 'will she do?' 'Perfectly, I should say,' replied the lizard, with a smile that did not become him very well. 'Here is the address.' He gave it to her; it read: 'Kingdom of Allexanassa. Queen, not been out before; willing, obliging, and anxious to learn.' 'Your kingdoms,' he added, 'are next door to each other.