Celia or Mr. Charybdis

“Hey, Odie, they’re going to start singing Celia’s retirement song and then cut the cake. Better get there quick or you won’t get a corner piece. Yummy, frosting,” Beatrice giggled and rubbed her bulging belly; she was thirty-two weeks pregnant.

“Thank you, Beatrice, I’ll be right out,” Odie waived her off and signed one more document.

“I – uhh – thought you were going to try to ditch out early today?”

It was Odie’s office best friend, Kirke.

“Yeah, man, I’m still planning on it.”

“You just told Beatrice you’d see her at Celia's retirement party.”

“Yeah, but you know Beatrice. She gets it. I always leave early on date night.”

“That was Beatrice M, not Beatrice W.”

“No, Beatrice W is thirty-six weeks pregnant. That Beatrice was thirty-two weeks pregnant.”

“No, dude, she was totally thirty-six weeks pregnant. You told Beatrice M you would see her there. You know if you don’t make an appearance it will be twice as bad on Monday’s catch up.”

“No! No… if I have to make an appearance I will end up late. It’s date night with Penny, I have reservations for our seven month anniversary. Okay, okay, you know, I’ll just tell her a quick hello and then bolt. I’ll tell her I have an emergency.”

“You know that won’t work. When was the last time you spent less than an hour of awkward conversation with BM,” said Kirke.

“I couldn’t get away. It was just interesting enough I couldn’t stop, but she wouldn’t take a breath from topic to topic. It wouldn't stop. I had to pee. I peed my pants a little,” Odie rubbed at his eye.

“Maybe she’ll understand tonight,” He said.

“It’s Celia’s retirement party, she’s the office grandma. There is no way you are going without saying goodbye. Then you have both the Beatrice’s who are about to bust, they are going to want you to feel their bellies and show their ultrasounds. Posie is there, looks like she made her ‘famous bone-in vegan wings,’ have you tried them yet? Oh and, it looks like, yes, Don is talking about, wanna guess it? Fishing? How do I know? It's always fishing. Polly is waving you over, try not to stare at that giant zit on her forehead, it looks like she saved you a corner piece of cake. Just for you. Look, she’s putting it on the microwave for you. Yes, that’s for Odie! He’s coming, Polly! Don’t you owe Calypso five dollars for the retirement gift still? She’s holding an envelope with names checked off of it… does yours have a check?”

Kirke shaded his eyes witha hand and squinted.

The fluorescent light flickered above Odie’s grimace.

“You know, Penny is important to me. I’ll just have to take the hit on Monday and go out the back.”

“You know if you go out the back you have to go by Mr. Charybdis’ office.”

“Yeah, I’ll say goodnight if he's there. I’m sure he’s probably already gone. He’s put on his hat and coat out the door.”

“The Homer Project is due tomorrow.”

“No, Homer isn’t due for another couple weeks,” said Odie, flipping pages on his tabletop calendar.

“No, Odie, the Homer Project is due tomorrow.”

“That was a ten-year contract. Has it really been ten years?”

“Yes, and Charybdis thought we had a couple more weeks too. If he doesn’t get it signed off in the morning we could lose ten years’ worth of funding. Anyone that walks by his office gets an urgent assignment, to be triple checked, and due by midnight, but he's too busy to stand up so he's just been doing that thing with his finger where he summons you like a villian in a Dickens' novel,” Kirke paused.

They both bent their heads to see through the glass-walled office. They could see Mr. Charybdis hands sailing away, typing like a vortex, stopping only to sign, stamp, and sip at a steaming cup of coffee.

Kirke pointed to the glass conference room where six men sat mimicking the frantic work, drowning in deadlines, “He got Clark, Ward, Phillip, Tony, Steven, and –“

“Oh my gods,” Odie said, “Is that Gary?”

“They got Gary.”

“How did he get Gary?”

“Right, man, Gary?”

“Gary.”

“Gary.”

“Gary.”

“Who names their kid Gary?”

“I know, right?”

“It’s so strange. Say it slow,” Kirke said, pinching his fingers to mimic dragging it out.

“Gaaaarrrrryeeee,” Odie said, sticking out his tongue and exaggerating his mouth.

“Gary. Gary. Gary. Gary.”

“Weird.”

“So weird.”

“Gary.”

Odie kicked out his feet and draped his head over the back of his Ithaca brand Leather Ergonomic Executive Chair with adjustable height seating and cushioned headrest.

“Maybe you can kind of be my bodyguard let her know I had some kind of emergency? Tell her I twisted my ankle. Push me out the door.”

“Sorry man; I didn’t have plans tonight outside these walls. I’ve got a good book, a sandwich in my minifridge, and I’m just going to hunker down in my office and wait these monsters out.”

“Okay, I’ll just have to go out the window,” Odie said, cupping his face in his hands.

“I'l give my regards from up here on the 108th floor.”

“Penny will understand my sacrifice.”

“You know what, Penny loves you. Penny will understand. So take my advice, for what it is worth, and stop by Celia’s party. You’ll be a little late and, what, sacrifice an hour or two of time to get to your date? Even if you lose your reservations! I’ve seen you and Penny together, you’ll do something else fun. You always do. If you go out the back you’re pretty much guaranteed to have to reschedule your date, which Penny would understand, and suffer the unknown consequences of Monday. It’s a no-win situation, you have to pick your poison,” Kirke said.

“Yeah, you’re probably right, but I really wanted those reservations. They have really good wines,” Odie said and looked up, but Kirke had tiptoed back to his office and closed and locked his door. Odie was all alone.

Mr. Charybdis raised his eyes through the glass walls of his office and started to catch Odie’s eye and raise a finger when Odie’s phone rang.

“Legal, Odie Suess speaking,” Mr. Charybdis wrinkled his nose and started pounding his stubby fingers back onto the keyboard again.

“Aeaea, Penny! Yeah, hey, there is a lot going on in the office tonight. The team is trying to wrap up a ten-year project. Mm..hmmm… yeah, the Homer Project you’ve heard me talk about. Oh, beeswax, sweetheart, I was actually just wrapping up for the day, but – I may have to stop and say goodbye to Celia. It’s her retirement party and she’s moving off to be closer to her grandkids. Yeah, she has been great. I’ll tell her you said so, but I will do my best to hurry. I know, it's a bit of a rock and a… exactly. You’re getting me a little hard in my place right now, I’m practically at full mast. Love you, see you soon.”

Odie took a quick look to see Mr. Charybdis’ face buried deep in paperwork. Odie bundled up his coat, popped his hat on his head, and walked toward Celia’s retirement party.

“Hey, Calypso, I think I owe you five bucks,” Odie said as one of the Beatrice took his hand and pressed it to her firm belly.

He kept his mind on Penny as he made his way through the party of Celia. He knew that soon he’d be coming home.

THE END

~~~