Christmas Carols In July

“And a partridge in a pear treeeee…” Lil sings. Even though it is the middle of summer, she’s belting out her favorite Christmas carols with her five year old cousin. Why not.

Lil had offered to watch the youngsters. Too many tears, hugs and well wishers inside the family home right now. She knew people meant well. Many of those inside were friends, neighbors or extended family. However, she had just lost her favorite Aunt and could not deal with listening to one more person tell her that at least her aunt was no longer in pain. She knew that. What she did not know was how she was supposed to move on from this moment.

Her aunt had been her best friend; her confidant. Only six years apart in age, she was more like an older sister to Lil than a younger sister of Lil’s dad. They basically had grown up together, living next door to one another.

As another rousing verse of the carol was started, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned and faced the last person she had expected to see today. The only guy to ever break her heart was here of all places. The guy who had been her high school boyfriend and now stood with his arms out, as if expecting a hug.

Right. Oh, Aunt Zay would have had oodles to say about this situation, if she was still here. The thought made her eyes burn, but she would NOT give into them right now of all times; not in front of the one who had caused her to first build walls around her heart.

Realizing a hug was the last thing he could expect, Jim put his arms down by his side.

“Hey Lil. I’m really sorry about your aunt. I know you two were close.”

“Yep.” She replied. Short answers were key today, especially in this case.

“You look really great. I can’t believe how much time has passed,” he replied, trying once again to start conversation.

Lil knew she could not do this; not today.

“Look. It’s good to see you too. Thanks. Lots of time has passed. Are we done now?” She rattled off, clearly showing her agitation.

Jim sighed and turned to walk away. All would have been ok, but her mother had caught on to the last part of the non-conversation and now was staring daggers at Lil. Great. Mother had strict rules about how a proper southern lady should carry herself and react even in stressful situations. Needless to say, mother was not happy. Well now she had to apologize.

“Look, Jim. I’m sorry. It’s just I’ve had too much people time today. You know I’ve never liked crowds. And the reason behind this crowd is a little extra stressful. If I hear one more, “at least she’s not in pain anymore” I’m going to honest to goodness scream.”

Jim turned slowly around, and replied, “And it doesn’t help when your loser ex shows up, spouting off more platitudes.”

Lil startled herself by laughing and said, “True”.

An unspoken truce was made by both with a simple shared smile. Obviously a few words and a shared laugh did not make up for the hurt but they were both adults now though, so that should count for something.

Jim tried once more for a hug, and Lil went in for a side hug. She had given her fair share of awkward hugs in the past forty eight hours. What would one more hurt?

Turns out it bruised her already broken heart. As she broke away from the contact, her eyes burned again, and she finally just gave into the tears. She thought she was past the point of being able to produce any real waterworks, but would wonders never cease? She was a faucet flooding over once again. As she stood there, she felt Jim’s arms wrap around her. She knew she should push him away, but she honestly did not have the energy at this time.

After a minute or two, she felt herself regaining control, which meant the embarrassment took over. She gently pushed Jim away and apologized. Reaching into her pocket she blew her nose, which had to be the best thing to do to get some control over emotions run rampant. Nothing to ease the tension better than reminding someone that you were potentially covered in snot and tears. Great way to break apart any contact and interrupt the quiet too.

Unfortunately, some of the younger cousins chose this moment to check up on her. Perfect timing, with makeup streaming, while she pasted on a phony smile. As she reassured them she was ok, she took the time to put Jim in charge while she went inside to wash up. If he wanted to be the perfect gentleman and help, this was his chance.

He watched her walk away and vowed silently that he would break down those walls she had built around her heart. He had made a mistake as an immature teen and did not realize what their relationship had meant to him and for them both until he lost her. He vowed he would win her heart once again, and if a start to that meant playing with her younger family members, so be it.