Feminine

My body convulses a few times in my thick sheets before my eyes fly open, my heart thudding against my rib cage like it's raging to be let free.

I woke up from another nightmare. It’s the same one I've had on and off the last fourteen years. Sweat trickles down my brown skin as cold winter air blows in through my window, the white lace curtains that frame it fluttering every so often from the breeze.

As my eyes travel past the window to the scenery outside, I note the various women walking down the road. They’re trying to keep their young daughters in order as they run to soak in lingering smells of apple spices and gingerbread.

For some odd reason, my body is still shuddering from the nightmare, the smell of sickly sweet sweat still pungent on my skin. It was another horrid memory of sorts, one that simply chooses to toy with my subconscious mind: the loss of my father. Instead of breaking into tears like I used to do as a child, I rub my sleep-ridden eyes and get up from the bed before heading towards my room door. Any remaining thoughts I have of my father completely diminish.

Thinking about him wasn't going to bring him back, and I didn't want to waste my time crying over any... hetero-related things.

If they found out after all these years that I was still lingering over my father's death and hadn't moved on and accepted the way things had been and were supposed to be, they'd probably deem me a hetero and get me killed brutally within minutes. My mother's mistakes have already put a target on my back by being her daughter and having a father.

No one else in Feminine has a father.

Males were forbidden to exist anymore—an extinct species. Eighty-three years ago, during World War 3 in 2017, males and females had a massive battle over which sex could succeed above the other. After countless deaths of both genders, and lots of land being destroyed, women came out on top somehow, and all the men were taken hostage for a while and used as workers and such.

A couple of years later, in 2019, Lily Warren, the Queen of the land (the president, who was a male, had been assassinated), ruled out a deadly order: "Men only rape, abuse, and murder," she said. To her, they had only spent their time using and controlling women, and their gender was unnecessary in this new world that she planned to rebuild. She also said God was no longer looking after anyone either since he was a male. All men were a mistake by God before he died, so they needed to be killed. This was what she believed.

Once the order was sent out, men were being slaughtered left and right. The world became a heartless, untrustworthy warzone. But they didn't keep it at that. The hetero females that tried to protect the men were slaughtered, too. A small group of males and females escaped, though, and ended up reproducing for years in some hidden area. It eventually resulted in my father being born decades later.

My mother had been born here in Feminine, the new society without men. But when a group of hidden heteros attacked a base in Feminine, and my mother witnessed it, she and my dad locked eyes, and it was love at first sight.

Forbidden love.

Her choices made her pregnant by my father, not by Pairing and Bearing like she was supposed to with her wife.

In 2082, I was born. My mom mostly raised me alone, but my dad visited whenever he could. In 2086, when I was only four years old, my dad snuck over and wanted my mother and me to run away with him to the heteros so that we could finally be a family. She agreed. But on the way there, we got caught. And not only that, they hung him in front of us.

They damn near killed my mother and me in that ordeal, too, until she made a deal: she'd change her ways, pretend my dad never existed, comply with the society, and concentrate on raising me to not be like her.

I've now been referred to as a Mistake by the Officials my entire life. The only living Mistake left. Mistake, meaning that I have a mother and a father. It’s the dirtiest title you could ever have attached to you, and that’s how I feel every day: tainted and dirty.

"Morning, Kassie." My mother smiles warmly at me and kisses my forehead as I walk into the kitchen, my feet padding across the floor.

"Morning, Mom." After my father's death, things had been rough in the family for a while. My mom had been punished in who knows what ways for it, but I know for sure it was nothing simple. Punishments here were never simple nor merciful. The various scars on her body, brown and faded, told me more than I ever wanted to know about what they did to her.

My mother hands me a platter of warm fresh pancakes, and I can't help but inhale the sweet, pungent aroma of batter, chocolate chips, and maple syrup. She begins patting my head and rubbing my back as a look of worry overcomes her features. My eyes. She can always tell what’s up with me the moment she looks into them. "...Are you okay, Kassie?"

"Yeah, Mom, I'm fine." I shake my head, forcing a smile onto my lips as I look up at her, trying not to let her worry about me anymore. I am eighteen, after all. "Just a nightmare I had. But I'm okay now."

Karina, my mom, is such a beautiful woman; she has dark brown hair and the most exotic-looking chocolate brown eyes anyone could ever see. I have her exact traits, only she has a fair skin tone while I have a brown tone, and I'm a couple of inches taller than her. I could see why my dad adored her so much and, with his looks, why my mom instantly fell in love with him, despite the risks. On her chest was a heart-shaped locket, one of two that my father had given to her and to me as a child. But I didn't wear mine for obvious reasons.

"Well, the girls are getting dressed." My mom raises her eyebrows as she pours more fresh pancake batter into the pan, the batter sizzling and bubbling as it begins forming. When I was fourteen, my mom's friend had been killed due to protesting against the Queen. With that, we welcomed her daughters, who were twelve at the time, into our family: Mollamaya and Miyu. Although I call her Momo, Mollamaya is her full name, 'moll' meaning 'soft' and 'amaya' meaning 'night rain.' 'Soft night rain.'

"You should be dressed too, sweetheart.” My mother continued. “It's Saturday, your Assignment Day. You have to go to the Report building and get your Bearing and Pairing date. Perhaps Momo and Miyu would like to go with you."

Pairing is how we find our significant others. We get a brain scan to analyze our personalities and find the most compatible partner in Feminine. As for Bearing, that's how we remain populated. Your Personality Results also contribute to how many children Feminine suggests you have. I was supposed to get my appointment in July on my eighteenth birthday, but I'd been grieving the death of a friend, so they rescheduled it for today.

I pour maple syrup onto my plate of pancakes, giving my mother an odd look. "Yeah. I'm excited."

"You haven't been having any, um... hetero thoughts, have you?" My mom hesitantly asks me.

I feel irritation bubble beneath my skin, causing my eyes to glue onto hers immediately. "Seriously? Mom, no offense, but I'm not as stupid as you are."

"Well… it’s not that I think you’re stupid, baby, it’s just…” My mom furrowed her brows as if trying to think of how to explain herself. “I know Terra's passing hurt you a lot, sweetie. That's why I'm asking. You two were... childhood friends. Just... never mind. Perhaps the rumors are lies, but... if she influenced you, then—"

"Mom… don't," I say angrily, my body stiffening.

My mom sends me a sympathetic look.

I gently shove my plate away, my appetite gone. I head towards my room, looking around for my Assignment Day attire. Despite my mother's track record, I won't repeat history. Acting on impulse and acting on lust. I am nothing like my mother. I am no hetero. I hate men, and I hate heteros. I will be sensible and happy. I will marry my wife, have my children, have a happy and peaceful life. I damn sure will not end up like either of my parents.

"Momo. Miyu." I state quickly, leaning on their bedroom door frame as they glance at each other and give me a look of curiosity.

"Yes, Kassie?" Miyu asks, raising her eyebrows. Her eyes are glittering with excitement. "What is it?"

"You ready for my Assignment Day? I'm allowed to bring guests."

"Oh my gosh, yes!" Mollamaya exclaims. She grabs Miyu’s hand, then races over to me and slips her hand into mine, squeezing gently before following me down the hall.

"Mom." Miyu giggles, looking at me as she goes into the kitchen to grab her breakfast. "Why is Kassie wearing white pants?"

My mom smiles. "Because Assignment Day is very important and wearing white is mandatory. It represents innocence and purity. Plus, your sister looks beautiful in it."

After breakfast, we go outside. I scream, "Race you!" before racing down the street.

"Hey!" Mollamaya laughs and trails behind me, running as fast as her legs can carry her with Miyu trailing behind.

On our way to the Report building, we pass the Feminine Center, where the Execution Circle is. I can't help but screech to a stop, almost slipping and falling. Mollamaya stumbles next to me, panting while Miyu walks up at a normal pace, her eyes widening in fear as she looks at me.

I take a hesitant sniff, the hard stench of copper drifting in the air, sprinkled with agonizing screams. All I can see are leaves on the ground and blood. Red leaves, yellow leaves, green leaves. All coated in the red substance.

Another Execution session.

This usually happens when a girl is discovered to be a hetero, or tried to run away, or even protested against the Queen's ways. The victim is cowering in the center circle, her body naked and bloodied. She's already covered in wounds but still alive and frightened.

The Queen’s mansion oversees the center, and I can see her looking out at the scene. Through some strange surgery, she still looks twenty years old despite all these years. Her black hair is straight, and her violet eyes are cold and harsh. Somehow, her eyes land on me, and she smiles. Not a greeting smile, nor an evil smile. Just a smile of acknowledgment, as if she remembers the horror she caused me fourteen years ago.

An Executioner lifts an ax and burrows it deep into the woman's back. Blood spills from her mouth and onto the pavement, but she still lives. Some spectators are silent; others are cheering and screaming "Again!" repeatedly. A crazed smile spreads on the Queen's lips as the Executioner aims the ax into her neck, sending droplets of blood flying in a red mist.

"Don't look," I mutter, bringing Mollamaya and Miyu close to me and hiding their faces into my chest.

It takes nearly nine more hits until the woman is dead. By then, the three of us are already stained with her blood that flew everywhere as she was maliciously murdered.

For one of the only times in my life, I feel bad for a hetero.