Hate Boat

Larry, Ashley, Kenneth and Alexandria are boarding Larry’s speedboat on trip along the ocean for a day. “Hurry up slow pokes, I ain’t got all day” Harry started sarcastically. “Actually we do have all day, sex kitten” Ashley responded humorously. “Well you know his tree don’t go to the end of the bark” Kenneth utter.

“Kenny you coulda been student of the year in special education with all them vocabulary quizzes you bombed in language arts growin’ up, Kenny boy” Larry responded. “But ya mama liked my spelling” Kenny joked. Kenneth then reached back preparing to strike Larry with a punch before Ashley and Alexandria stopped them both. “Would y’all give it a rest?” Alexandria said with exhaust. “Yeah y’all been at each other’s throats all day” Ashley began. “This is supposed to be a fun trip, you know. Friends hangin’ out and enjoying each other’s company ring a bell?”

“Well we could do that if he wasn’t always flapping’ his Bubba from Forrest Gump lips all the time” Larry started. “Keep talkin’ special Ed and see if I don’t start swelling your lips up.” Kenneth scolded “Babe, give it a rest” Alexandria ordered. “Ight, whatever” Kenneth concluded. The quartet climbed aboard Larry’s speedboat and got settled in as Larry began to crank the boat up for departure. As the other three took a seat Larry finally took off.

As the quartet sailed off into the sunset they sat in an akward silence as Larry steered the boat. “Well, where the beers at?” Kenneth started. “They’re right here in the cooler” Alexandria answered. She then reached into the cooler and handed Kenneth a beer. “So” Ashley started. “Is this boat bomb or what?” “Yeah it’s the good good” Kenneth added. “Be careful not to spill that beer” Larry began. “I just cleaned this baby up last week and I wanna clean”. “You know we got you boo” Alexandria added. “God forbid we mess up the king’s property” Kenneth uttered sarcastically. “And what’s that supposed to mean?” Larry scolded.

“Um, so what’s this devil’s wave thing you were telling us about before Larry?” Ashley interrupted. “It’s the most turbulent wave course on this side of the ocean” Larry answered. “Luckily I’ve been trained by my grandad since highschool on how to stir in the right direction around the waves. Trust me, you don’t wanna ride them waves, the results can be deadly”. “Well thank the Heavens that we have you to keep us safe, big L” Alexandria joked. “Or the hells” Kenneth added sarcastically.

“KENNY!!!” Alexandria scolded. Larry slowed the boat down and turned around to face Kenneth. “You know what Kenny, let’s just address the tension, because I am tired of your mouth”. “Babe, just let it-” “Nah, it’s okay, Ashley” Kenneth interrupted. “Let em’ say what he needs to say”. “Well Kenny, what I wanna say is why don’t you stop acting like a female on her period.” “The only person on a period is you, bloody butt” Kenneth retorted. “You’ve been on a period of acting real brand new ever since you got that promotion, captain”. “Maybe I’m not acting brand new, maybe you’re just jealous, Kenny.” “Oh please, jealous of what, Captain Larry?”

“The fact that I’m moving up in the world and you’re still running in the same childish circles, maybe it’s time for you to grow up”. “Yeah, sure Larry, because everybody needs to be like you, clean and not dirty”. “If you want dirty just wipe the back of yo neck and tell me how the towel looks?” Larry smirked. Kenneth then reached in the cooler and pulled out a bottle of beer. He shook it up for three seconds and then opened it causing the beer to squirt all over the boat.

Ashley and Alexandria dropped their jaws in shock, as Larry turned around and examined the mess made by Kenneth’s beer. He then jumped out from behind the wheel of boat and grabbed Kenneth by the neck and started choking him. “STOP YOU GUYS!!!” Ashley yelled while grabbing Larry by the shoulders. “That’s enough” Alexandria added. With his hands around Kenneth’s throat, larry was suddenly struck in the stomach by Kenneth’s knee. As Larry stumbled backwards Kenneth tried to tackle him, but was caught in a headlock.

Overwhelmed by Larry’s strength, Kenneth decided to throw Larry off by biting his right nipple on his chest through his shirt. When Larry let go in pain he then struck Kenneth with a punch that sent him to the floor of the boat. Kenneth looked up and saw Larry converging on him and lifted his leg and kicked Larry in the chest sending him falling back and overboard the boat.

“LARRY!” Ashley screamed in terror. “OH MY GOODNESS” Alexandria added. “HA! GOTCHA YA YOU SELF RIGHTEOUS BASTARD!” Kenneth gloated. “HELP! OH NO!” Larry screamed. “What have you done?” Alexandria cried while hitting Kenneth in the chest. “Oh it’s not that serious, I’ll just turn the boat around and we’ll go get him” Kenneth scoffed.

As Kenneth grabbed the wheel and attempted to turn the boat he suddenly felt the boat being shifted by a wave. “Uh what’s happening?” Kenneth no asked curiously. “Oh no!” Ashley uttered. “I think we’re in the middle of the devil’s wave” “well how do we get out of it?” Kenneth asked frantically.

“Gee Kenneth, how do we get out of this?” Alexandria asked sarcastically. “You knocked the only person who knew how to stir us out of the wave overboard”. Kenneth looked back at the pleading Larry in the distance and then he, Alexandria and Ashley looked ahead and saw a wave coming their way that looked to be a mile high. “Uh oh…” Kenneth shrieked…