Ich Lüge

I didn’t even know I was looking for love, someone to share my life with, until that night at the fair.

Quiet, reserved, mousy, everyone called me the same names. I was a wallflower waiting to bloom. Sixteen and full of opportunity, but at that point I had little confidence. Every year up to this point, I had trodden the line carefully. I was a perfectionist.

Plain, brown, non-descript hair, tied into a ponytail. My skirt, always below the knees, never really showing any kind of ankle. My shoulders were covered with my white shawl draped across.

Friends, or more accurately, acquaintances at the time, dragged me to this funfair that was being paraded around town, unless it was to gaze out at the stars, I would never normally venture out in the dark. My Plain Jane fashion choice would normally help me to blend in during school hour, buts stuck out like a sore thumb on this night. I was the Sandy within a bunch of Pink Ladies wondering why I was here. They smoked; they were cool. I was not. I sat tucked away on a nearby bench, as they rushed around the fair giggling to themselves, losing all their money on silly carnival games.

Being the unsociable butterfly I was, I had packed a few books to read. As I had predicted, the second they saw the flashing lights of the fair, they left me to take care of myself.

Of course, it didn’t bother me. I was in my element. I could have done without the loud noises from the spinning cars, but I learnt to drown them out years ago.

“What’s a gal like you doing at a place like this?”

I looked up from the pages. There he was the boy I never knew I had been searching for. I smiled and tucked my hair behind my ears.

“I don’t know, I was dragged here.” I said shrugging, pointing vaguely in the direction of the girls I had come with.

He laughed and unexpectedly took a seat next to me. I was taken back, once people took a glimpse at me, they would usually have backed away.

“What are you reading anyway? If you don’t mind me asking.” He continuing to lean in closer.

My personal space was being breached but that didn’t matter anymore. I stared into his eyes. As a teenage girl I remember them as dreamy as the clouds.

“Lord Of The Flies.” I explained, turning the cover to show him. “One of my favourite books, I’ve read it at least a dozen times already, and yet I never bore of it.”

I felt my fingers slowly close the pages, leaning closer towards him. I smiled.

“Say, how do you feel about a ride on the big wheel with me?” He spoke softly, staring up at the shining Ferris Wheel in the middle of the fairground.

I hesitated; however, I felt my fingers being drawn to this boy, he wanted me to follow him and so, that was what I did. I leapt up, closed my book, stuffing it back into my bag. This boy was about to take me on a journey.

The lights were bright around me, my heart in my mouth. I was overtaken with emotion and I was living for it. As I passed the girls I had gone with, they stared, wishing they could have been in my shoes.

The line was long, but it didn’t matter. We stared into each other’s eyes, and I knew he was the one. I wasn’t usually this forward when it came to boys, but something about the smell of candy apples, the fresh night air and the carnival atmosphere, made me do unexpected things.

Linking each other’s arms, we raced into a bright red pod, joining the Ferris Wheel. It rocked slightly as we shuffled inside, but as the metal bars slowly came towards us, locking us in safe, I felt relieved. The young man operating the ride gave us all a salute and we were on our way.

Slow and peaceful. The carriage ascended into the nights sky. The nearer we moved towards the top, the more excited I became; I could see for miles. The tiny lights that lit up the entire neighbourhood sparkled.

He turned to look at me gazing into my eyes. “You’re amazing and I hardly know you.”

I couldn’t help but giggle. I felt my pale face flush, my cheeks red.

“It’s like I know you’re the one for me.” I said leaning in closer.

Practically sat upon each other’s lap, we could feel each other’s breath down our necks. Without a moment’s hesitation, I moved in. Unlike the shy, mousy girl I was, now kissing a boy I had just met. I leaned back and waited.

“You’re such a swell gal.” He whispered, moving in to kiss me this time. “I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

On that night I changed. Something inside of me grew. I wasn’t that pathetic, little, shy girl the town knew me as; I was something more and he could see it, and that grandchildren is how I met your Grandfather.

She had no clue. I would have felt sorry for her if I hadn’t read about her. A dangerous woman with a troubling past and now I was talking to her. Shaking and rocking, her grey hair falling out. She was a fragment of what she once was. Looking at her now, you wouldn’t have suspected she was a monster. Sat opposite her on a cold, metal table she gave no eye contact. Like always, with everyone she met, she began to tell her stories.

A mousy, shy girl, who kept to herself, in a small 1950’s town. As a young girl she was often ignored, a girl with no friends, just people that tended to have her by their side without any friendship. I have no idea whether she had been planning this for a while, but that day something changed in her. The funfair was always a fun way for friends to hang out, especially at that time. She was dragged off with those she would call ‘acquaintances’ she was the prim and proper Sandy, they were the rebellious Pink Ladies in leather jackets, that smoked.

Due to her quiet personality, the girls didn’t notice her trail off. She simply wasn’t interested in the bright lights of the carnival, not yet anyway. She would read for hours at a time, the same book time and time again, often obsessively. “The Lord Of The Flies.”

She was obsessed with children being able to live by themselves on an island. She loved the idea of chaos, the idea that without adults she could do what she wanted. Then she spotted him, alone. She gawked at him for hours at a time, hiding behind walls, school lockers, under desks. Tonight was no exception, however tonight felt different, she wanted to be known as the shy girl no longer.

He caught a glimpse of her, smiled out of politeness and tried to go about his night. She knew everything about him, she knew exactly what she was going to do.

He whispered to his friend. “What’s a girl like that doing at a place like this?”

“I’m reading “The Lord Of The Flies.” She said passionately racing over to him and shoving the cover in his face. “One of my favourite books, I’ve read it at least a dozen times already, and yet I never bore of it.”

He smiled, once again, out of politeness, however this time he felt unsettled. She stared up at the Ferris Wheel in the distance, scared of how huge it looked in the darkness.

“Say, how do you feel about a ride on the Big Wheel with me?”

The boy laughs weakly and tried to back away, shaking his head. “I don’t really think...”

She grabs her bag, snatches it from the bench, reaching in for something. At first nobody seemed to notice, but it soon became clear that she was wielding some kind of weapon. She pushed it against the boy’s back. She told him to walk towards the Ferris Wheel. As they both walked through the crowd of teenagers, they began to gasp and scream, realising what she was holding.

The “acquaintances” she hangs around with, spot her out of the corner of their eyes, and gasp and back away into the stalls. There is no stopping her now. For once, she is seen, for once she isn’t a nobody. She can feel her heart pulsing, the excitement in her veins. The line is long and winding but that doesn’t faze her. Pushing her way through, with this weapon, she’s unstoppable, everyone does as she asks.

The boy is terrified, shaking like a little lamb, hands in front of him, all he can do is walk towards the ride. The operator is just a boy himself, what can he do? He waits for the couple to get on, the carriage swaying back and forth. The lever is pulled back and off they go, nobody else allowed on.

His breath is deeper, holding onto the handlebars for dear life, slowly ascending into the sky, where the entire neighbourhood is lit up for everyone to see. The boy is terrified of heights, and stares down at the fair below him, the people look like ants. He shoves back in the chair, feeling his body against the metal. She edges nearer, practically touching him, however the weapon that’s now pressed against his middle is more of a concern.

With gigantic eyes, she stares at him just smiling.

“Tell me.” She starts to say. “Tell me I’m amazing.”

“I... I hardly know you.” The boy quivers, catching how high they are swaying.

“You know… I know you’re the one for me, I’ve known for a while.” She says in a hushed undertone.

Practically sat upon his lap now, the boy is claustrophobic. One wrong move and it wouldn’t have been the weapon that would kill him, but the fall from such a height.

“You’re such a swell gal…” He hisses into her ear, forcing a smile.

In one swooping move, he grabs the weapon from her grasp and accidentally pushes her towards him, causing her to crash to the ground. He’s left holding the weapon shaking in his hands as they lower the ride down. He worries that he’s killed her.

“You have no grandchildren, this story is completely fabricated and made up and you know it.” I finally speak out, leaning forward across the cold table.

“How would you know? You’re imaginary too.”

I gaze into the mirror and see a shadow of myself, Stories are just truths yet to be told.