Mundane Microwave Instructions

A microwave oven has become such a mundane object in everyone's life that we at Microwave Global Inc. feel that instructions for its use are not needed. Nonetheless, every day we continue receiving reports of mishaps and accident legal claims involving microwaves.

Therefore, we decided to include this longer version of instructions, in addition to postcard-sized shortcuts and signage on the microwave itself, to try and prevent future accidents. Please read and follow them.

1. No metal!

Never put into the microwave anything that contains any metal/foil. This includes metal plates and utensils, sandwich foil wrappers, paper lined with foil, and your grandmother's favorite cup with golden metal edging on its top.

If an object reflects light aggressively, it will do the same to microwaves. Nice sparks, you say? They may start a real fire like in these pictures from real documented cases:

This is not just a suggestion! Check everything you put into your microwave for metals in any quantity, shape, or size.

2. No eggs!

Never cook eggs in the microwave! (Unless you are a master chef and now how to poach them in a microwave, in that case our greatest respect to you). Yes, eggs are food. But egg shells are not microwave-compatible containers. Just boil or fry them in a pan.

In multiple reported incidents, eggs heated in a microwave exploded after removal, sometimes while being handled, peeled, or bitten (ask Kevin Bacon!).

Injuries included facial burns and eye trauma. And of course no one will clean up those messes for you.

3. No grapes!

Do not experiment with microwaving grapes, blueberries and other round watery objects! Grapes placed in microwaves have produced visible plasma and fireballs, damaging appliances and alarming homeowners.

While this may seem like a cool physics experiment, homeowners are not scientists who do this in controlled conditions and labs. Do not attempt at home!

4. No living beings!

Do not put into the microwave pets or insects! Microwave is not a fur drier for a fluffy dog that got soaked in the rain. Neither it is a torture chamber, not even for that pesky neighbor's cat!

We will not include pictures of those incidents, but we strongly encourage you not to put anything that moves and breathes into the microwave, including bugs and roaches. First, you may end up in jail for animal torture and death. Second, the bug and roach cleanup is not worth it.

Finally, some common sense suggestions rather than outright bans:

1. Use microwave covers!

When reheating foods with varying density and viscosity (chunky or pureed soups, rice and lentil dishes, etc), cover them with microwave-friendly domes. Here are some pictures of the messes we regularly receive from frustrated customers:

Oh, the splatter you will have to deal with, especially if you don't clean up right away and it turns into embedded greasy spots and droplets on all the sides and ceiling of the microwave! A food cover will definitely seem like a good investment after this, won't it?

2. Use microwave-compatible containers and plates!

Styrofoam and most plastics are not microwave-compatible! Not only will they melt on high settings, they will also leak some dangerous micro-elements and nano-plastics into your food. Styrofoam may also combust and start a fire as in the documented case below.

Please remember that not all ceramic and clay plates are microwave-compatible. Some of them will absorb more heat than the food you are trying to warm up and you will end up with burned fingers and still cold food. Again, look for the plates that are microwave-safe.

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We will tell you a huge industry secret: Air fryers and non-stick pans are much better for reheating most of the foods. Here at Microwave Global Inc. almost none of our employees own a microwave. And if they do, they usually use it to warm up tea that went cold, baby food, or chicken bullion for the sick members of our households. Microwaves are also great for softening butter or popping pop corn for a family movie. And that's pretty much it. But we are almost 100% sure you will not read the instructions in small font, so we feel safe that our microwave sales will not decline.

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Please remember that microwaves are not devices for your home experiments. Items heated “just to see what would happen” reliably produce same results - messes, destroyed appliances and house fires. Don't FAFO, as the kids say these days (we believe this should be the word of 2025 year). We also have scarily good lawyers, so don't even think about suing us for your carelessness. You've been warned!