Runaway Love

I hear Mary J Blidge my favorite song “I’m going down” is playing so loud, and I really see rain drops forming against my window pane as the conductor is telling up we are about / hour and fourth five minutes from the rest stop . I haven’t been to Detroit in so long, I don’t even remember boarded the train; but I must’ve just forgot because I had to board the train right ? If not, how did I end up here ? And where’s Chris last thing I remember was packing our bags to visit my hometown and now it’s just a blur. I’m getting nervous , I feel like he should be here. Why is Chris not here? Something has gotta be wrong it never makes sense when I wake up now an days , seems like I can’t tell when I’m dreaming and when I’m up.

“Naturi, I’m so happy you woke up I thought you’d sleep the entire train ride” said Brenae.

I glanced over in shock , not even realizing I had company because Chris was supposed to be my company.

I have to remember to tell Chris I don’t trust her to be my best friend and his assistant ; it’s just not working out. Like I’m always wondering why we both trust her so much , but it doesn’t make me wanna not trust her, maybe I just don’t wanna share her. Selfish of me , I know but I never wanted to share my guy and girl soul mate. And I always feel so conflicted when we are all together . Are we all together headed back to Detroit I wonder, I wanna ask but something it telling me I don’t wanna ask. “I woke up and now we are on this train. But where are we going?”, I quizzed Brenae because she always bats her pretty lashes when’s she’s lying to me. I looked over her face , she’s scared , lips are trembling.

She relies quick , no eye contact, veering down at the floor “ we are going to Toronto, Canada.It’s safe there we can figure out our next moves there and visit me aunt Geena.”

I wanna ask why we are going to Canada but I fear I can recall Canada being “a great escape”, as Brenae likes to paraphrase it.

This seems heavy , like we are leaving something out. So I ask as I feel the vibration of flutters as the baby kicks me in my swollen stomach “Where’s Chris”, I muster the courage to mumble.

Brenae bats the lashes , a lie , I knew it was coming. She vaguely responds “ let’s chat at the rest stop in about a hour we should be stopping I’ll help you remember everything and we can get you and baby Meshawn some fresh air” , I agree with a puzzled look because what’s so good or bad that I would forget or omit it from my memory.

Last time I forgot something I blacked out from Chris cheating and me trying to whoop him and his girlfriend number twos ass for embarrassing me out here like I’m some Atlanta bartender jump off. So I don’t like forgetting things especially when it comes to Chris.

He makes me feel crazy. Like I’m always tripping . Like I’m always insecure. Like I always have to go above and beyond to be seeen. And now we are about to have a baby. This is just so much. My first child, his third ; never would have thought this would be our lives.

I catch Brenae staring at me . I’ve been so sad during the supposed to be happiest moments of my life carrying life and feeling lifeless imagine that.

“Hey I’ll always be here no matter what let’s just get you some tea and chat when we get to the rest stop I promise it will all make sense once we talk”, Brenae reassured me.

Im so worried . Like is Chris coming , my dad already hates him why is he not here. My mom will say I should move back home. I hate how they know he’s not the best for me but I’m still thinking he’s what’s best for me . Stupid I know. But love has always made me do crazy things.

Am I crazy ? Could I be.

“Brenae, I don’t wanna wait to the rest stop I’m getting anxious, I need to know where Chris is now traveling without him at eight months is stressing me out, is he coming? Is he getting back with bm one or three, tell me something ,” I whisper desperately at this point.

“Okay I’ll write you a note keep calm we don’t wanna have this baby on this train.” She mumbled aggressively.

“Chris is going to meet us there bm 3 had her baby and you lost it out him out told him you wanted to go home and never come back and that you would rather be a single parent than stick around in his love and hip hop bm drama”, I read the note in shock no way.

I’ve been loving Chris for six years . From the time I arrived at Clark Atlanta University until the time we graduated and bought our first home started our cosmetic and co working space businesses. We could recover from anything because he is my everything , or no. Am I fed up? Do I want better for my son and I ? This is so heavy , I need sleep.

“Naturi, wake up, I love you” Chris yelled. I must have fell asleep again. Now the train conducter is insisted we will be in Toronto in a hour. But where’s Brenae?

I glance at Chris , so handsome perfect even I hope our son is a him. I lean in and whisper “ this morning this sound crazy but I thought I was headed to Toronto with Brenae, babe I thought you let me finally leave without you. I was so scared. I’m still confused where’s Brenae?”

Chris looks out the window and says “she’s here I sent here away so I could watch you sleep, I love when you sleep it seems like you are so at peace,” I look up and watch his words leave his mouth so smoothly. He asks me “will you love me forever?”, without thinking I say “of course, as long as my happiness outweighs the hurt I’ll be here”. Such a heavy burden when I say it out loud.

I wonder what Brenae and Chris are hiding from me.

“Toronto, all off board single file let’s not push everyone will get where they are headed folks thanks for boarding with us and have a safe trip”, the conductor says. Oh this must be the end of the trip.

I’m so happy and nervous at the same time.

I see a big brown building looks familiar I can’t figure out why this place feels like home. Have I been here ?

“Chris what’s going on ?” I tell as I wobble off the train.

Brenae rushed over to me “Naturi, calm down he , I mean we just want the best for you. He looks at Brenae and speaks “I didn’t want you to make a scene hun, this is your new home you’ll just be Be here until you get better , right Brenae? Tell her.” Brenae looks a way, tears rolling down here face “you never make this easy Naturi, so let us explain now that we are off the train , you just scare us when we have to bring you back everytime we decided it’s always better to wait until you arrive.” She said with a sad face then a neevous smirk.

“Yeah explain you two please I’m getting exhausted”, I whine.

“You had a bad fall last year right around the time you were supposed to have our champ ,Meshawn, boy was he handsome hun. But you I mean we ended up losing the baby. So now you live here at this facility where they try to help you cope with the loss of our newborn and every now and then when we come get you to bring you home for a few weeks you imagine the moments leading up to the loss of our sweet baby boy, and everything usually goes bad the day before you have to come back. So now we are working on getting you home again full time you just gotta get better.

“You have these moments where you forget , then remember and it’s so much with the businesses and the dogs and we did get lucky and have Melanie , but I don’t want her to remember you there sometimes forgetting going back to live before her and the missing tragic parts of losing Meshawn. Its a lot. So we are going to leave you here the full six months since the doctors think that will heal you once and for all of a broken heart .” Chris Keot explaining but something in me was broken and fixed at the same time. I had a daughter. I had to get better asap. For me for her ,

“Brenae please get my daughter from Chris , I’d like you to keep her until I’m well enough to send for her.” I said with authority.

That train ride was all I needed this depression ends today. I am done I have new life that I gave to a beautiful girl. I had ran away from a true love in a child I’ve needed for so long and that’s the only love I’ll ever need Chris can go his purpose has been fulfilled. I’ve loved, I’ve lost; and now I’m ready to finally wake up from this night mare and “Runaway Love”.