
A cool draft slithers its way down Damien's spine though sweat runs between his aching shoulder blades. He shifts uncomfortably as he crouches below an air vent. Why must the damn air conditioning be on full blast at the end of September, especially when the place is empty?
“Will you hurry up already?” Jay hisses, bouncing back and forth on his feet. His face twitches as he pulls at the sleeves of his torn black sweatshirt.
Damien rolls his eyes. He knew he should have told Jay to stay in the car. Jay is nothing more than a liability in here. There's too much at stake. They've waited long enough for this opportunity, and Damien didn't come all this way to have Jay screw it up.
“Shut up. I can’t hear anything over your whining,” Damien spits back, pressing his stethoscope against the metal door with a gloved hand. With his other hand, he finesses the dial.
Jay gives him a sideways glance and scoffs. “I don’t understand why you insist on doing it this way. You know there’s high-tech stuff for this now, right?”
Damien ignores Jay. He pushes away the abrasive shuffling from Jay's anxious pacing. He closes his eyes, focusing on the fine movement of his fingers and attuning his ears.
This is what he lives for.
The metal on metal. The faintest of vibrations beneath his fingertips. The thin coils springing in his ears. Listening and waiting for the elusive heart to reveal itself, its pulse so weak it could easily slip away unnoticed. Only the truly skilled can catch it.
Click.
His sweaty palms are tight in the leather gloves. Damien spins the dial gently, slowly, careful not to miss a subtle movement. He feels the tiny grooves as he moves.
Click.
The turning gears whisper over the pounding of Damien's blood. He takes a breath and keeps his focus sharp and his hands steady. The sweat beads and rolls from his forehead down his temples.
He's almost there, he can feel it.
Rotation left, rotation right.
Click.
The final click echoes, like the cracking of a chasm in the earth’s crust.
This is it.
Damien drops his hands. Jay stops pacing.
He and Jay lock eyes. Sly grins slide across their faces as Jay moves closer to Damien. In amazement, Damien freezes. He can't believe it.
"Dude, what are you waiting for? Bust it open!" Jay shoves Damien's shoulder, knocking him back to his final task.
Pushing down on the lever, Damien breaks the seal.
Woosh.
Air rushes in and escapes simultaneously, a vacuum of anticipation.
Damien pulls open the heavy door. As the door swings, the light from the fluorescent bulbs buzzing above him begins to illuminate the darkness of the safe's cavity.
The moment they've been waiting for all this time. They can't believe it's finally theirs.
They gape at the inside of the safe.
Empty.
About the Creator
Alyssa Musso
A scientist by trade, but a creative at heart. One novel in progress with too many other ideas taking up space in my head. Some of those ideas end up here.
Instagram: @alyssa.n.mussowrites
My website! https://www.alyssamusso.com/



Comments (8)
Great bro! show me some support please!!!
Love the tension you built. I was nervous for them.
This draft is absolutely gripping.Brilliant work
Oh, man! So much anticipation! Loved how you elevated the tension with each “click”! Wonderfully written, Alyssa!
“Wait… EMPTY?! That twist hit harder than I expected. Now I’m dying to know—was this a total failure or just part of a bigger plan? Anyone else think Jay might have known something Damien didn’t?” Would you like one that leans more humorous, mysterious, or emotional next?
This was a great read, you build tension so effectively it had me holding my breath!
Great job! I am not certain, but I'm leaning toward the original one a bit more.
Also, as a note, this story is an extended version of the original microfiction below! https://todaysurvey.today/fiction/stethos%3C/span%3E%3C/span%3E%3C/span%3E%3C/a%3E%3C/p%3E%3C/div%3E%3C/div%3E%3C/div%3E%3Cdiv class="css-w4qknv-Replies">