The Layoff

They do this every year, and every year I tell them that the cake is too sweet. It wouldn’t kill them to use a different baker. I’ll bring it up again at the next meeting, but for now I’ll just enjoy the party. The streamers hang high and match the spirits of everyone here. 35 years. The company has survived 35 long years and many of us have been here from the very beginning.

“Welcome everyone!” Dylan says. “Today is a very big day for us! We’ve come a long way people and it hasn’t always been easy but we made it through. What is it the young people say now? Life be Lifin! And as crazy as it sounds, it's true. We have been through so much together these past three and a half decades but we’re not done yet! So no matter what this NEXT 35 years brings we can push through it!”

There's a somber round of applause from such a lackluster speech from our Head Director. Well at least it was better than last year when he tried to sing. I’m just waiting for the year he decides to send it in an email so we can skip all this and get back to work.

Dylan steps from the spotlight and approaches me just as I put a big handful of chips in my mouth. ”When you get done here will you meet me in my office for a second?” He says. I can hardly respond without crumbs falling from my lips and onto my tie. Is this finally about the promotion I put in for?

I quickly make my way to his large corner office, and take a seat at his desk. Dylan stares out the window at the world below his feet. He knows I’m here but he’s just ignoring me for dramatic purposes I guess. He turns around and slaps a large red folder onto my lap then quickly walks over to close the door. The folder is thick, full of paper and is fairly heavy. “Have you seen the last quarterly report yet?” He asks. But before I can answer he’s talking again. “Of course you haven’t, we have posted the damn thing yet. We’re in the red, and it's time for some changes around here.” Thumbing through the paperwork and graphs, Dylan is right. The company is in a downward spiral and our best days are behind us. I guess that explains his less than enthusiastic speech earlier. “Sir is there any way to turn this around? I mean maybe we could-”

”Nawh, why bother? The only thing we can do now is adapt with the times. So I want you to go up to Optical and fire Iris.” He says nonchalantly gazing out the window. The words roll off his tongue as if they have no impact at all, but they crash into me and knock the wind from my sails. “Sir, I- She’s been here from the very beginning! How can we just fire her like that?” I say to his back, because the man has yet to turn around. “All we can do is adapt to the change… Please have this done by the end of the day and report back to my office once she has been sent down to HR.” His words are cold, heartless and are inviting me to remove myself from his office.

I take the elevator down to Optical and practice my delivery of her termination in my reflection on the metal panel inside. It doesn’t look pretty. The large metal doors swing open and reveal an office waiting room so modern and clean it's hard to believe it’s the same company. I make my way to the front desk and two guards, greet me with rough faces and even rougher tones. I never understood why Optical has separate security than the rest of the building but, they keep things pretty tight. ”State your business” one of the three guards says as I approach the counter. “The director asked me to have a word with one of the employees here, a Ms. Iris. The guard lifts an eyebrow and glances over my K-Mart suit. “Very well, I’ll page her.”

I’m ushered in and seated in a small conference room with only a table, a phone, and a few chairs. I fiddle with my tie until Ms. Iris steps into the room. She’s a tall slender woman with a great big smile. She has a small blue stain on the sleeve of her sweater that consumes my attention.

“Hi, you wanted to see me sir?” She says politely.

“Oh yes, I’m sorry but you got a little something on your sweater.” I say, nervously.

“Ahh, yea it’s cake icing from the party. It’s gonna be a bugger to get out.”

”Oh yea, the party! The big Three Five! Haha. Yea that cake was something. What did you think of it?”

”The cake? I mean it was good but honestly I think it was a little too sweet for me.” She says with a modest smile.

“Oh my God! I thought I was the only one!” I yell, excited to know I wasn’t the only one that felt that way.

“Ha, maybe we should put in a request to have a different cake next year.” She says with a small laugh.

Next year. She had to say it, now this makes this even harder to do. My nerves cause me to fidget with her file on the table. I slap the broad side of her folder against the desk repeatedly trying to find the words to say. The awkward silence between us is palpable.

“Was that it sir?” She asks politely.

“No, no there’s more. There’s no easy way to say this but the higher ups have decided to let you go.” I say without daring to look her in the eye.

Her nervous laugh is enough to break my heart. When she asks if I’m joking, my silence speaks volumes. When the tears begin to fall I can’t help but bite my tongue. So many consoling words I want to say but to what end? The outcome would still be the same. I would just look foolish being the bearer of bad news while also attempting to be comforting. Her fists slam onto the desk. “I’ve been here since the beginning dammit! Since day one!” She shrieks, but I dare not say a word. “Me? Out of everyone you fire me?” She stares deep into my eyes with hers full of tears. I want nothing more than to tell her that this isn’t my doing. That it’s above my pay grade and I’m just the messenger. It probably would have been more pleasing, probably would have taken some of the anger from her heart. But instead I say “Please Ms. Iris, HR is expecting you. When you have composed yourself, collect your things and make your way there.”

Iris rushes out the door in a frenzy and sobbing hysterically. Emotionally I reach out to this poor woman, but physically I just sigh and make my exit.

Knock Knock

“Enter.” The director says.

I peer in through a small crack in the door. “I just wanted you to know that uh thing you asked me to take care of, it's done.”

“Please come in, have a seat.” he says, ignoring my attempt to end this matter quickly and scurry away. I take a seat and the once dismissive director now stares me in the eye and gives me his undivided attention.

“Uhm, like I was saying sir, it’s been done and she should be down in HR as we speak.”

“Excellent, with Iris gone from Optical we will need new prescription glasses soon. I want you to head on down to Gastric and Digestion and fire Fred, Rodney, and Samantha. It’s about time we got some heartburn started!”

“But sir! Why? I don’t understand. Our company- This body is only 35 years old!” I cry.

“And it’s all downhill from here! Back pain, vision impairment, lactose intolerance, it's time for it all. Didn’t you read the report? Life be lifin, and this is the new stage of life for this body, for our company!”

The report did in fact indicate that this company is having a decreased metabolism, sagging skin, gray hairs, and increased stress levels. I’m ashamed I didn’t know what it meant, that I didn’t know what getting older was.

“Sir, is this all there is left?” I ask. He simply hangs his head and says…

“Just wait until 45…”

-End