The Science Behind Exceptional Friendships

Friendships hold a special place in our lives, often standing out as some of our most cherished relationships. But what makes these connections so unique and meaningful? To understand this, let’s explore the science behind it, beginning with a personal example.

Imagine designing the perfect best friend, one who embodies all the qualities you could wish for. This friend would still fall short compared to someone like Priya. She has an extraordinary ability to turn any situation into an enjoyable experience—whether we're in the chemistry lab or at band practice. When I’m with Priya, I laugh harder than with anyone else. Her support is unwavering; for instance, after a tough breakup with someone I’d rather not name, Priya was at my doorstep the moment I reached out. She sat with me, listened to my woes, and offered comfort. Our connection is so deep that it feels like we can read each other’s minds. We can talk about anything for hours, and my mom would probably attest to this with the phone bills.

Friendships formed during adolescence, like mine with Priya, often feel particularly special. This is due to the way the brain develops and functions differently at various life stages. In adolescence, peer relationships become especially significant. During this period, the brain undergoes changes that affect how we value, understand, and connect with friends.

Adolescence is marked by a shift in social focus, with teenagers spending as much or more time with friends as they do with their parents. This shift may be driven by changes in the brain’s reward center, known as the ventral striatum. When this area is activated, it makes social interactions pleasurable and motivates individuals to seek out and enjoy these experiences. Neuroimaging studies show that this brain region is particularly active during teenage years, which may explain why adolescents place a higher value on social connections compared to children or adults.

Additionally, teenage friendships often feel more intimate than those from childhood. This increased closeness is attributed to improvements in what psychologists call Theory of Mind. Theory of Mind is the capacity to understand others' emotions, thoughts, motivations, and perspectives, and to recognize that these may differ from one’s own. Although this skill may seem intuitive, it relies on the coordination of various brain regions known as the social brain.

Babies start developing Theory of Mind around 18 months, although it was previously thought to be fully developed by age five. Scientists now understand that Theory of Mind continues to evolve and mature into adolescence and beyond. During adolescence, the connectivity of regions within the social brain increases, enabling teens to better understand their friends' perspectives and fostering deeper connections.

In close friendships, it can feel as though two people are perfectly in sync, almost as if they are metaphysically connected. This phenomenon is supported by scientific evidence. The ability to connect with others involves the coordination of actions, emotions, physiology, and thoughts, a concept known as interpersonal synchrony. Infants show early signs of this synchrony by coordinating movements and babbling with their parents. As individuals grow older and interact more with peers, this synchrony extends to their friendships.

For instance, when walking with a friend, people often unconsciously match their pace and path. This alignment is not just a matter of being on the same page but also involves being scientifically in step with one another.