The Wrong TARDIS

Hello there! So, last time we met I was stuck in a graveyard in another dimension, then the Doctor came to my rescue. We became friends. Well, sort of.

— So what are we doing on Earth? — I asked the Doctor as I licked my tutti-frutti lollipop.

— I had a bit of trouble getting us safely to Alpha Centauri. — he says this while being covered in wires, lying down underneath the console.

— Are you sure you don’t want me to fix her? I could do it in, like, five minutes or so. — licked my lollipop again.

— No! She doesn’t like it when other people do it. I must do it myself. — he stared at me wearing some weird goggles that made his eyes look huge.

— Do as I you will, but I still think it’s nonsense.

— Argh! — he complained.

— Going to pop outside for a minute, okay? I need to buy more lollipops.

— Suit yourself. But be back by dawn!

— Dawn?! — I whispered to myself. — Those repairs will take forever!

So I left the TARDIS, took a stroll around town, then spotted it later in a different location. It was almost dawn, I was tired and anxious to leave, and he had moved the ship without warning me beforehand. So I’ll admit I was a little upset.

As I entered it, I noticed the interior was completely different. It was all white and... Minimalistic.

— I cannot believe he told me to leave just so he could remodel everything!

— Is that you, Sarah Jane? — a different voice came from under a bunch of wires (which he was still fixing).

— Who? I’m Heidi. The Crafter!

He suddenly jumped up, startled by my mere presence. And then I noticed that his face was all different. Big nose, huge scarf.

— Who are you? What are you doing in my TARDIS?! How did you get in?!

— Did you just change your face while I was away?

— Not that I recall.

— Oh, great… I got into the wrong TARDIS.

— Wrong TARDIS? Whatever do you mean by that?

— Are you the Doctor?

— Same as I’ll ever be.

— Of course you are. Only one TARDIS in the whole universe that’s stuck as a tacky blue box and I manage to enter the wrong one! Are you the one from before of after the bowtie?

— Bowtie? Don’t be ridiculous, those look awful. I’d never wear one.

— Oh, darling, never say never. — I giggled, realising I was meeting one of the Doctor’s past selves.

— Who are you?

— I told you, I’m the Crafter. I’m your friend, I think. We were travelling together then I went outside to buy more lollipops. — I offered him one, but he shook his nead “no”. — I think I’ve entered the wrong TARDIS. The past one. The new one must be just around the corner of the street, so I’ll get going now.

And as I tried to leave him there looking dazzled, my shoulder bag filled with lollipops, the TARDIS closed it’s doors on me!

— What are you doing?! Let me out!

— Hey! Don’t speak to her like that.

— I just want to go! — I pushed and pulled but the doors just wouldn’t budge.

Then the console started making that distinct loud noise that could be stopped by the simple push of a button but the Doctor wouldn’t let me fix it because “he liked it”.

— Where are we going?

— I don’t know. — he approached the console and took a look at the coordinates. — It appears we have arrived in a sort of space station.

— Why? Why do you let your TARDIS just take us wherever she wants? You should be able to control her. You know that, right?

— She’s not a child that needs to be disciplined! She’s a smart girl. — he petted the console. I rolled my eyes.

The Doctor went straight through the door and into the station, so I went after him.

It was a huge place, glass walls all around displayed an artificial beach-like view. Blue skies and sunny weather. As if you could get that in space! Contemporary architecture. Very neat.

— Ah! — he exclaimed.

— What? — I took a new lollipop from my pocket and put it in my mouth.

— This must be the Beta 5!

— The what? — I said with my mouth full.

— The Beta 5 Country. It’s a kind of giant space shopping mall. You could purchase just about anything you can think of from here! But it’s also a colony from Ossylar. Their planet died, you see. Oh, look! Flip-flops! — he walked towards a kiosk with a huge toothy smile on his face.

Suddenly, red lights and a loud alarm noise started flicking and everyone stopped and stared at us. Some security guards ran in our direction. I crossed my arms, getting more and more pissed off at the Doctor. He put his arms up in surrender.

But then the guards kept on walking and we turned around to see them arrest a young boy behind us. The boy looked as if not older than fifteen years old, and he was crying.

— I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I had to do it! Please! She’s going to die! Please!

The boy held a pack of biscuits in his hands, which the guards took before handcuffing him.

— I’m sorry!

— Yeah? Well, tell that to the Regent.

— Please help her! She’s going to die! — he looked at us, begging for help. That’s the Doctor’s calling, by the way. So I just knew that now we would not leave until we sorted everything out.

— Hey, there! Wait a minute! — The Doctor approached the kid. — Who’s going to die, young man?

— My sister, sir! She’s not gonna make it if I don’t get there in time. — the tears fell from the sides of his cheeks like waterfalls. — I’m so sorry. I had to do it.

— Don’t worry, pal. Officer, I’d like to pay for this package of biscuits. — he said, authoritatively.

— He is already a criminal. Now he has to go to court. There’s nothing you can do.

— Now, wait a minute! If I’m willing to pay for it there’s no harm done. No need to separate the boy from his sister.

— This is not your jurisdiction, sir. I don’t have to explain myself. And who would you be anyway? You’ve parked in an illegal spot. I might just be taking you in as well! — the guard started to grab the Doctor’s hands to try and handcuff him as well when the Doctor, agile as ever, took something from his pocket. A sheet of psychic paper. I rolled my eyes again, this time in disbelief. How could the Doctor be such an amateur?!

All of that commotion started to pull attention. People who were willingly ignoring the situation before now started to form a circle around us.

— Now there, you wouldn’t be wanting to do that, would you?

— Ch-ch-chancellor! I’m s-s-sorry! — the guard turned to his mates with a very frowned face. — Take the Chancellor’s vehicle and park it at once!

Un. Be. Lievable.

— Carefully, please! — The Doctor cried.

— Carefully, you rascals! — the guard repeated. — If I spot just one scratch…!

I raised my eyebrows, amazed that the cheap trick actually worked.

— Now… Will you let the boy go?

— S-sorry, sir. I must take him to court to be judged by the Regent. That’s the law. I-I’m sorry, sir. — the guard saluted the Doctor and took the still crying boy away.

— Are you thinking what I’m thinking? — the Doctor turned to me and said.

— We must find the girl. — I answered.

[•••]

After looking around for a while, as we got closer to the trash bins I started hearing a high pitched noise coming from the ground.

— Hey, Doc! Listen.

— I think it’s coming from that vent over there. — he said as he picked up his sonic screwdriver and used it to pop the vent open.

I got down on my knees and stuck my head inside the vent.

— Hello there!

— … Hi. — said the crying little girl. She looked filthy and smelly. Her hair all messed up. I could tell she was almost about to faint. A huge contrast to all the very wealthy and sparkly-dressed people roaming around the station.

— So… Why are you crying?

— It’s my brother, miss. I saw him being taken by the guards.

— Don’t worry, he’s going to court. They’ll see he did nothing wrong and he’ll come back. We’ve paid for the biscuits after all…

— That’s not how the court works, miss… I’ll never see him again.

— Not if I have something to do with it! — we heard the Doctor’s stuffy voice coming from outside the vents.

— What’s your name, darling? — I asked her.

— S-siri, miss.

— Hi, Siri! I’m Heidi. And this long-scarfed man here is the Doctor. We’re going to help your brother, okay? I promise. Nothing bad will happen to him.

She just stared at me, flabbergasted. “How can they guarantee that?!” She must have thought. “They must be very powerful.” At least that’s what I imagined she was thinking. She wouldn’t be wrong, though.

— Come on, Siri! Let’s get you out of these smelly vents. — I reached my hand out to her, and she grabbed it.

As soon as she was out of the vent, we offered her the biscuits, which she took into her mouth desperately. She must have been almost starving to death, her face pale from the lack of blood flow.

— So… What’s your brother’s name? — I said with my mouth full of biscuits. She answered in the same way:

— Soro. — and smiled, probably happy to be eating after a lot of days of starving.

— Siri and Soro… How cute! — I smiled back at her.

— As soon as we’re done here, we need to find the nearest courthouse and free your brother. — the Doctor affirmed.

— How will you be able to get him out? Everyone gets sentenced to life.

— Everyone? — he asked, raising an eyebrow.

— Everyone. There’s no exceptions.

The Doctor and I stared at each other, confused.

— You don’t know? — she kept on speaking with her mouth full.

— Could you explain to us how the court works? — I asked the more obvious questions, since the Doctor liked to mumble around.

She waved her head yes.

— When any of us are caught up here, we get sentenced to life.

— And what does that mean?

— Means they take your life away, miss.

— What?! — I was outraged by the news.

— Yeah, they throw you in the pit.

Another pit?! Of course. Story of my life…

— Is there any way you could chew your food faster?

— Doctor! Rude! She’s very hungry…

— I’m afraid if we don’t leave soon, we’ll be the ones getting thrown in the pit! — then he pointed to the guards coming towards our direction.

The best solution, obviously, since we didn’t have much time to hide, was to jump into the vent. And that’s what we did. We screamed as we fell through a gigantic slide, a huge trash pile softening our fall at the bottom. So that’s why the kids look so dirty! I thought to myself.

The Doctor jumped up and brushed off some rubbish from his clothes with his hands. Then he opened again that annoyingly huge smile.

— That was fun!

— Super. Don’t you agree, Siri? — I asked the little girl. She looked apprehensive.

— You two aren’t from around here, are you?

— How can you tell? — I said, smiling sarcastically. She smiled back.

But then she frowned, afraid.

— Now that you’ve come downstairs, you can never go back up again. If they catch you, you’ll be taken to the Regent.

— Who is this Regent person you all keep talking about so fondly? — the Doctor finally asked.

— Well, my mum used to say that he’s not the king. That he’s just an imposter. She said that everyone was free to go wherever they wanted in the Country, and that they got paid for their work. But that was twenty years ago.

— So people don’t get paid for their work anymore? — he asked.

She shook her head “no”.

— Then you all became slaves. No wonder children are starving here!

— Where’s your mum? — I asked.

— She’s… Gone.

— And your dad? — I could see the tears dripping down her eyes, so I got down on my knees and hugged her.

— Mummy said that he’s asleep in a beautiful island and having nice dreams.

Poor kid. I thought. All alone in this awful place. We cannot let her lose her brother too. I looked at the Doctor and noticed that he was thinking the very same thing.

— Care to show us around? — he suddenly changed the subject with a cheerful tone.

So Siri guided us through the steam room.

[•••]

The steam room was a horrifying place. Dark, damp, smelly, and filled with desperate people. They all looked sweaty and filthy. And worst of all: they all looked terrified.

I covered my mouth at first, because I couldn’t take in the smell. All around us were little piles of dirt. Soon we realised that the rubbish was the worker’s only source of food. As Siri took us towards the center of the gigantic complex, I began to notice a bright light at the end of what seemed like a tunnel when the Doctor pulled me aside and whispered:

— Something’s very wrong.

— I think that’s obvious.

— No! I mean I’ve been here before and it didn’t look like this. This room was an engineering marvel! All the workers were free. … And clean. Something’s gone wrong.

— You think it has something to do with this “Regent” fella?

— Definitely. We must meet him.

As we approached the light, we could finally see what it was coming from: a huge crystal that ran from the bottom to the top of the station. I thought I’d seen Siri’s eyes start to sparkle, but then we turned around a corridor and it stopped.

— An Arkranian Crystal! — the Doctor exclaimed.

People were starting to notice that we looked very clean to be there, so one man spoke out to us:

— Please, you cannot be here! If they see you they might think we’ve kidnapped you! Rebelling is not allowed!

— You’re putting all our lives at risk! — another man yelled.

— Sorry! Sorry… — the Doctor raised his hands in surrender, trying to calm the others down.

I got down on my knees again and whispered to Siri:

— We need to leave now, but I want you to come with us.

— I can’t, miss! If they see me up there I… I will be taken. Like Soro… — she started crying.

— HEY! What’s that fuzz over there! — a humongous guard dressed in black and carrying what appeared to be an electric whip shouted. — Get back to work, scum!

I took Siri in my arms as quickly as I could before a group of workers shoved us into a vent and hid the entrance with a fake metal door.

— No other way but up! — The Doctor said with a smile.

— Please! I need to go back! — Siri said in despair.

— Come with us! Trust me! — I pleaded.

[•••]

After a long hour of climbing, we got to the top of the station. The Doctor used his screwdriver again to open the vent doors and we were spit out of it by a heat wave. Hidden behind some boxes, I shouted:

— Eureka!

— Shh! Don’t give us away! — he shushed me.

— Sorry! — I got back to whispering. — I have a solution to one of our problems.

— And what would that be?

— I’ll need your scarf.

— What?!

I still had a bunch of lollipops in my pocket. They were wrapped in a sort of thin wet paper, that seemed a lot like baby wipes, so that’s how I used them to clean Siri up. Now she looked clean and smelled sweet, like candy. Then, I took the Doctor’s scarf and improvised a little fancy dress for her. She looked like a princess.

— There! Now we can get around without being noticed. Here, have a lollipop.

We left a pile of unwrapped lollipops on the floor. The three of us walked around all sucking lollipops and smiling at the shop owners. Siri’s dress’ tail dragged around the floor as we walked. Sometimes we stopped and bought something cheap in front of the guards, but one of them still seemed to be suspicious of us.

— Seen that guy over there? — the Doctor whispered while pretending to be analysing some holographic scarfs.

— The one following us? Of course.

— He’s up to something.

Before we could say anything else, a loud bell rang and all the glass walls faded out the images of beaches to start displaying the throne room. Soro was on the screen, next to a thick glass tube. The Pit.

— Stop what you are doing! It is time for the judgement! — a voice coming from the screens said. — All rise for the Regent.

The people in the courtroom, which we assumed were the nobility of the Country, all stood up as the Regent entered the room. He was a funny figure. Wearing tight pants, pointy purple shoes and a crown that was too big for his head. He walked like a 21st century topmodel on the runway, but one that wasn't very good at it.

— People of Beta Five! — his voice sounded squishy. — There has been a breaking of the law. You know how much important the law is to me! — the Regent made a sarcastic sad face, as if mocking all the people under his reign. — Begin. — he ordered.

— Yes, your majesty. — said one of his entourage. — The boy has been charged with treason towards the Kingdom.

— For stealing biscuits?! — I was outraged.

— Shh! — said a shop owner, staring attentively at the screens.

— Let’s go. — the Doctor said.

— Where? — Siri asked, her palms sweating with anxiety.

— We need to find your brother. — I answered. — Before it’s too late.

— … I sentence him. To. Life. — the Regent ordered in an overdramatic way.

Soro looked at the camera, as if looking to his sister’s eyes to say his last farewell. Then he was pushed into the Pit, the pressure release sucking him out into the void of space.

— NO! — Siri cried, trying to run towards the screen in desperation as if she would be able to catch her brother.

A security guard caught her.

— I knew it! — he lifted her up into de air, displaying her for everyone to see. — This girl right here is an imposter! She is a fake. She is a worker. — that last word he pronounced with disgust.

— Let her go! — the Doctor claimed.

— And you! You are no chancellor. You are an imposter just as well. Take them away!

— Well, well, well… — the Regent said, scratching his chin, as he could see us through the screens.

The guards pulled out their handcuffs and took us to the courtroom. When we arrived, the Regent was sitting on a throne that was too big for him.

— Hello. — he said with an evil smile.

— Hi there! — the Doctor replied with a goofy smile. — You must be the Regent.

— That I am, sir.

— And where would The King be?

— Not here. — the Regent smirked, as if he had a diabolical secret.

— So you’re the law, then?

— I am. And you are-

— Wait a minute, what’s that?! — the Doctor interrupted him, pointing to a beautiful sight at the end of the room, way beyond the throne beside the Arkranian Crystal. Surrounded by an artifical pond was a large coffin made out of glass. Inside it laid asleep a big husky man with a long beard. He looked peaceful. And dead.

— Do not interrupt me while I’m talking! — the Regent shouted in rage.

— Oh, I’m so sorry. — said the Doctor, pointing a sarcastic smile towards the Regent. I was beginning to really enjoy this version of him. The Regent smiled and kept on talking:

— As I was sayi-

— Is that King Oslore IX?

— Yes, it is! — someone in the crowd answered.

— Stop interrupting me! — the Regent said in a high pitched voiced. — Who are you, anyway?

— Oh, me? I’m just a passerby. A traveller, if you might say. But you can call me The Doctor.

The Regent’s eyes suddenly looked like they were going to pop out of his face. He seemed scared. A drop of sweat dripped down his forehead. Then he shouted:

— I SENTENCE THE DOCTOR TO LIFE! NOW!

Guards started pushing the Doctor into the Pit’s direction. Everyone started gasping and screaming. I held Siri in my arms and turned her head the opposite way. Her cyan eyes started sparkling when she stared at the Arkranian Crystal at the center of the room. The Doctor realised what was happening, because he had seen it before.

— Look at the girl! Look at her eyes! She’s the real heir! — he begged the people to listen to him as they were trying to throw him out of the station into oblivion.

— Shut this man’s mouth and throw him out at once! — ordered the Regent, getting ready to leave the room.

— Please! Just look! Only the real heir to the throne of Ossylar connects with the crystal! Please! — the Doctor pleaded for his life.

Some people actually took a look. Then they poked the people next to them to look at it too. Soon, everyone in the room was staring at Siri’s shiny eyes.

— Look! The princess! The lost princess! — people mumbled.

The guards let go of the Doctor, also impressed by the sparkling princess. Siri looked at me waiting for an explanation, but unfortunately I did not understand the situation either.

— I remember you now, young lad. — The Doctor walked away from the Pit and in the Regent’s direction. — What was it? Thirty years ago? You were just a young boy then. You see, for me, it was just a couple of weeks. But you… You recognised me instantly, didn’t you? All that envy you felt towards your brother… The anger. The jealousy. What could you do? You didn’t have royal blood in you from your mother’s side. The Crystal does not speak to you. So you did, what? Killed your older brother?

The crowd was in shock. Most of them covering their open mouths with their hands.

— No, no… — The Doctor continued. — If he was gone, you’d lose everything. He was the one who let you stay in court, despite you being a bastard child. No… You had to keep him alive. Is that what the shrine is for? To keep him sleeping. In a sort of coma, you might say, am I right?

— Shut up. — said the Regent.

— You had to pretend your brother was sick. Very sick. But not dead. So next you had to get rid of the Queen. Lovely lady she was. What have you done to her then? Banished her to the steam room, the lowest part of the Country, and created a law that forbids any worker from downstairs to come up. Took away their freedom. What a shame! You had such potential… But you didn’t know about one tiny little detail. A detail so small that it was still cooking inside the Queen’s belly! — The Doctor pointed his index finger to Siri. — So when you found out, you started looking for her. In secret.

— Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! — there it was: the Regent’s high pitched voice again.

— I don’t understand, Doctor. The King has been asleep for twenty years. How can Siri be the princess if she’s only a child? — I finally entered the conversation, Siri still in my arms.

— Very simple, really. The Queen needed to protect her daughter so that one day she could come back and claim her place as the real heir to the throne. She knew that the Regent would be on the lookout for a young woman. That she could be killed. So she gave her these!

The Doctor took some pills from his pocket. One of the cheap things we had bought at the marked while in disguise earlier.

— Growth suppressors. If you mix a little bit of these with some short-term memory loss juice you can keep your child a toddler forever!

Siri looked shocked as she started to realise she was supposed to be an adult.

— What about Soro? Wasn’t he royal family as well? He was much older than Siri. — I asked.

— He must have been adopted. The Queen had a thing for orphans. In fact, she founded many institutions that help those in need. Fascinating woman!

— So if Siri is the heir and the King is still alive… What are we waiting for?! — both the Doctor and I ran to the King’s shrine. He got his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket, then I stopped him. — You have a screwdriver. What are you gonna do? Unscrew the King’s brains out?! Let me do it.

I put Siri on the floor, took my phone from my pocket and started hacking into the shrine’s electrical systems, slowly lowering the dosage of the King’s anesthesia. The Doctor looked a bit upset, as if he wanted tobe the one to do it instead of me.

Siri touched the glass, mesmerised by the sight of her own father.

— Sleeping in a beautiful island… — she said, repeating what her mother had told her.

— He should be fine in a couple of hours. But maybe he’ll have to learn how to walk all over again. Twenty years! — said the Doctor.

— Wait a minute… Where’s the Regent?! — I suddenly realised.

Everyone in the room started looking for the traitor, but he was nowhere to be found.

[•••]

The doors were opened and all the workers came out of the steam room. The light hurt their eyes. Families got reunited, people were crying of happiness.

Some guards were just finishing bringing the TARDIS back to us from the parking lot while others were still on the lookout for the King’s treacherous brother.

— Thank you so much! You saved us! All of us! — said Siri, now sounding much more mature.

— Now that you’ll no longer take the pills, your body should grow up just fine. And you’ll become a wonderful queen just like your mother! — I hugged her. We’d grown really fond of each other.

— There’s just one more thing I must do. Be right back! — the Doctor said, right before running into the TARDIS. The loud noise came up and I thought he was going to leave me there, just for a brief second. But then the noise came back and with it the blue box materialised again in front of us.

The doors opened. Siri and I looked at each other, confused. Then, out of the ship, came Soro. Safe and sound. Siri screamed and ran to hug her brother. They were both extremely happy.

While they were distracted by the relief of being saved from a life of injustice, the Doctor and I entered the TARDIS and left.

[•••]

Back on Earth, I gave the Doctor a new holographic scarf, since his old regular one had stayed with Siri. The hologram looked just like the old one.

— Here. I broke the chameleon system, so it will stay this way. Just like your TARDIS. — I laughed. — Tacky colours.

— Marvellous! — he smiled from ear to ear.

— Thank you for the trip, Doc. But now I must find the real TARDIS of which I came from. — I kissed him on the cheek.

I opened the door, but turned back to look at him one more time before I left.

— You know, one thing I don’t get is… If you’ve met me before, then howcome when we meet in your future you don’t know who I am?

— Who could say? I have a lot of things going on… Maybe I just forget.

— I don’t think you’d forget something like that. — we’d had quite an adventure, after all.

There was a lingering pause.

— What were you fixing, anyway? When I first got here?

— Oh, just some touch ups on the-

Then a huge piece of the ceiling on the console room fell on his head. Apparently, he’d been opening all the gaps on the walls and messing with the wires for some crazy reason. Maybe just to look smart. He really should read the TARDIS manual sometime.

— Goodbye, Doctor. — I left before he got up from the fall and got to see me again. I was sure he’d be fine.

So I walked around town again. It was way past dawn by now. But I did find the TARDIS! The same spot as where I’d left it.

— Finally!

I went through the doors and…

— You have to be kidding me. So he really did renovate everything while I was gone! What a rascal!

— Hello! Can I help you? — staring at me, inside a much bluer and darker TARDIS, was an old man with messy white hair and a scottish accent.

— Wait, I walked into the wrong TARDIS… AGAIN?!