Up in the Hollywood Hills

CLARA 1 pm

My back is killing me. I’ve been sitting in this chair for at least five hours now. I scoop up a thick glob of Naples Yellow oil paint with my palette knife and add one last final detail to a sunflower petal. I stretch my arms out wide and turn off my murder mystery podcast. Pleased with myself to have finally finished this painting, I head to the fridge to refill my mason jar with cold filtered water. Gypsy follows and takes a seat on the cool kitchen tiles. “It’s a hot one today, ” I tell my dog. His ears are perked and he’s ready to catch any crumbs. Disappointment takes over his sweet little face as he watches me chug my water. “We’ll have a snack later, Gypsy.” I think we’re both in need of a good long hike.

We pull up to our usual parking spot on a side street in the Hollywood hills. Gypsy cannot contain his excitement and nearly jumps out of the window. I grab our waters and Gypsy wags his big fluffy tail. We love hiking in the hills because it’s like a maze up here. There’s so many different routes to choose from so you never have to get tired of the views. Narrow winding roads to your left and right. If you take a wrong turn you could end up hours away from your car. On days like today, with no plans ahead of us, we wouldn’t mind a challenge. “Let’s get a little lost today, Gyps.” I let him lead the way as we celebrate me finishing my commissioned painting by 1 PM.

Gypsy spots a lizard just as it jumps into a patch of marigolds. He jerks his leash and rushes over to try and catch it. Just as he sniffs his large snout into the flower bush, a bee stings him right in the lip. Gypsy lets out a tiny yelp and continues on his way. Panic strikes me as it never has before. Gypsy is highly allergic to bees. He was stung as a puppy 5 years ago and I almost lost him. It wont be long before he loses consciousness. Gypsy is an 80 lb Golden Retriever, its physically impossible for me to carry him the 3 miles back to my car.

I go to the nearest house and ring the doorbell about 20 times in a row. If they can give us a lift to my car I can get him to the emergency vet in time to save his life. After 30 seconds no one comes to the door. I feel a panic attack creeping up. My first panic attack that actually has a legitimate reason behind it. I thank god as a cop comes cruising around the corner. I nearly jump in front of his car to flag him down. He rolls down the window to his Ford Crown Victoria with the creepiest smirk. He’s got the classic cop look with his aviators on. Have I ever actually seen a cop wearing aviators in real life? With no time to judge I tell him what happened and beg for his help.

“No worries miss, your dogs going to be fine. I’ve got an EpiPen at my house. It’s just a few streets away. Get in.” He insists. Gypsy jumps right in, excited for a car ride, having no clue what’s about to take over his body. “I had a dog growing up who was allergic to everything. How long has it been since the sting? You know it could take hours before a reaction. Try and calm down.” He says in a relaxed tone as he takes his Sunday drive at 10 mph. My whole body is shaking. “Please hurry officer, its been about 10 minutes already, he could start showing a reaction any minute.” Why is he driving so slow?

“Try not to worry so much, darling.” He beams at me from the rearview mirror. God, what is that smile? “I smell linseed oil,” he chimes in. “Yes, I’ve been painting all morning.” I tell him. “I must have just picked up the prettiest little linum flower in all of Hollywoodland.” What a bizarre thing to say. “Do you paint as well?” I ask him. “Not me, my mother is an artist of many mediums. She’s known for it actually. Joni Mitchell, you’ve probably heard of her.” Is this guy for real? “Wow, I never knew Joni Mitchell had a son.”

“Oh yeah most people don’t. She and my father kept me hidden from the public. Mother didn’t want me to be tainted from all of the fame. Growing up with celebrity parents can really damage a child. She wanted to give me the most normal life possible. That’s why I grew up on her 80 acre farm in British Colombia. When I turned 18 I begged her to bring me down to LA with her. So she did and she even bought me this gorgeous house in the hills to live in too.” I find all of this a little bit hard to believe as Joni is also known for her raw honesty, but my biggest concern right now is saving my dogs life.

We pull into the driveway. “Honey, I’m home!” He says. His house is a gorgeous Spanish style mansion settled on a steep cliff directly under the Hollywood Sign. This home must be worth at least 10 million. On a cops salary? Maybe he really is the son of folk legend, Joni Mitchell. I eagerly follow him in with Gypsy at my side. “Why don’t you lay your dog on the couch in the living room and i’ll go fetch that EpiPen.“ Another grin takes over his entire face. Gypsy, still full of energy, thank god, wont stop sniffing the furniture. There must be a cat that lives here. He comes back from the bathroom after what feels like hours and hands me the medication. I quickly inject my dog in the leg and he lies there looking helpless.

“I’m Lars by the way. What are your names?” He yells from the kitchen. “I’m Clara and this is Gypsy. I really cant thank you enough for your help but is there any way you can give us a ride to my car? I have to get him to the vet right away.” I manage in a shaky tone. He walks into the living room with a glass of ice water and a bowl for Gypsy. “Sure thing, but not until you drink this. It’s a scorcher out there and you just had a very traumatic experience. Your dog is going to be just fine. I’ve seen worse cases on the job, believe me. He’s is a strong little fighter. Just needs some rest.” Great, I must have forgot my water bottle back where Gypsy was stung. “Thanks, I am parched.” I grab the ice water and finish it in one long gulp. I catch my breath and thank him again.

He fills his cats food bowl and tells me he’s ready to bring me to my car. I’m just now realizing how badly I have to pee. “Could I please use your restroom before we go?” I ask. “Sure thing. Hey Clara, you have a smear of yellow paint on you. Let me help you clean it off.” Now he’s smiling so big that all of his teeth are showing. He looks like ‘Dallas Buyers Club’ Matthew Mcconaughey with a Cheshire Cat smile. “Oh no, it’s no problem. My clothes are always covered in paint, im used to.” I say as I’m walking down the hallway.

While washing my hands I see a yellow paint smear on my chest. The paint is on my skin, not on my tank top. Men can be such creeps. As I’m coming back from the restroom I notice beautiful family photos all along the hallway. None of which include Joni, Lars, or his creepy smirk. Panic comes over me again as I start to feel hot walking back to the living room where I left Gypsy. The hallway seems to grow longer and longer. Why do I feel like I’m high? My eye sight goes white as I hit the floor.

LARS 11 AM

My back is killing me. I need to pick up more gigs so I can afford a better mattress. I’ve had this one since I moved in about 15 years ago. It was left behind by the last tenant. I tried to bleach it but it still shows stains from the previous owner. I say good morning to the Joni Mitchell poster above my bed. It’s a daily ritual. I am, with out a doubt, her biggest fan. I reach around on the floor, pick up my phone, and check my emails. Looks like I’ve been approved for the cat sitting gig up in the Hollywood Hills. Glad I used my brothers LinkedIn photo, he’s much more presentable than I am. All I’m required to do is check in once a day, clean the litter box, and fill the cats food bowl. The best part is I’ll have a nice bed to sleep in for two weeks. The owners will never know. The thought brings a big smile to my face. A text pops up on my phone from Angeleno Casting.

“RUSH CALL. MUST BE AVAILABLE ALL DAY WITH NO RESTRICTIONS.

Angeleno Casting is checking your availability for the following job.

Title: Hot Cash

Date: TODAY within the next 2 hours

Job Type: background extra

Location: Hollywood

Role: police officer (must feel comfortable possibly driving a police cruiser)

PLEASE RESPOND ASAP WHETHER AVAILABLE OR UNAVAILABLE”

I type “available” and hit send. I get out of bed and walk over to the other end of my small studio apartment. I pop open my outdated microwave and heat up a cup of water. I find some nearly expired milk in my mini fridge and stir it into my instant coffee. My phone buzzes and its more good news. I’m casted for the cop position. Life always has a funny way of falling into place right when you need it to. After work tonight, i’ll hike up to my new home in the Hollywood Hills. I find a dirty pair of jeans on the floor next to my bed, pour my coffee into a solo cup, and walk out the door. I take the public metro bus to base camp for the filming crew. It takes me 90 minutes in LA traffic but at least I’m not late. I can’t afford to get fired from another job.