You Only Existed In Fantasy Land

Were you ever really here? I thought I saw you, but was that my imagination?? I can close my eyes and picture you laying on the couch at your Grandmothers house, and I wonder if I was ever your Grandmother too.

Were you ever what I thought you were, did I imagine that little giggle, or was it real? Will I ever remember it again, or will the words, "You are sick", ( and you did not mean it in the physical sense), "I don't want your money", forever ring in my ear?

The History

I don't even know if it matters now, because you left without a trace, maybe you never even existed except in my imagination or fantasy.

I wonder if your name ever started with an "A", or an "L", or could it have been any letter of the alphabet. I wonder if you were an illusion.

I wonder if you were that baby I didn't see until you were four months old, or were you just a dream. I wonder now if you ever existed at all.

If I could write a story about you, it certainly would end differently. It would be about a little girl that came into my life, and my own child gladly let me be with you. A story about a little girl that swung up high on the swing, and sang like your Grandmother did when she was a little girl.

If I Could Write The Story

You were born and I was allowed to come to the hospital. You were the most beautiful baby, my first Granddaughter.

I will call you "Leslie" for this fantasy. I was allowed to see you, and you were not used as a weapon of hate against me. I saw you grow and we did not meet at a McDonalds for the first time, when you were four months old. I was able to see you on a regular basis and I gladly drove the hour and a half to spend time with you

You would grow up not hearing derogatory remarks about me, and you would not feel different or strange because you enjoyed spending time with me. You would be proud of a Grandmother, that found a killer, wrote articles about everything, and loved you more than you could imagine. The same Grandmother that raised extoic plants and made crochet patterns, and invested for my future. I never had a Grandmother like that, and I don't know too many people that have.

You will learn your lessons as you go through life, Leslie, that all is not perfect in the world. You will find out that your late Uncle Rick was right about one thing, and he always said this. "Be careful what you say and do, because sometimes you can't take it back". Truer words were never spoken.

I suppose my sweet Leslie, that you will learn your own lessons while you navigate through life. I respected your comment of "I don't want your money", because I have never thought that money will bring you happiness.

However, that comment to a Grandmother that was trying to help you and loved you, was cruel at best, nasty at the worst. You will find out my sweet one, that although I do not feel that money can buy you happiness, and I respected that part of your comment, you will find that money plays a part in all of our lives.

People would not be standing on street corners begging, if food did not cost money. College in not free my dear, and fantasy or not, they won't let you through their doors without a voucher. Perhaps you will find scholarships and grants, and I hope for your sake you do.

You will also find food is not free, and either are cars and car insurance and your clothes on your back are all something that you need money for.

I am afraid even when I wake up, from this fantasy, I won't be able to help you now, but you are a bright young lady - you will figure it out by yourself.

I will now wake up from this fantasy and this fiction tale, because I need to get back to reality, and go over to Vocal Media and write a poem. I think I will call it "Summer Smile".

Yes, that is why I write Smile Poems, for people that need to Smile.