19 Men Get Real About What Makes Sex Just "Average"

We always hear about "bad" sex (horror stories involving bodily fluids or ex-boyfriends walking in) and "mind-blowing" sex. But what about the middle ground? We scoured the internet to find out exactly what lands a sexual encounter in the dreaded "meh" zone.

Let’s be honest: Average sex is better than no sex, but it’s definitely not what keeps a relationship spicy in the long run. Recently, a thread on r/AskMen blew up asking a simple question: "What makes sex with a woman 'average' rather than good or bad?"

The answers were surprisingly consistent. It turns out, men aren’t nearly as focused on your flexibility, your lingerie, or having a "perfect" body as you might think. The difference between fireworks and a fizzle usually comes down to one specific thing: Energy.

Here are 19 brutally honest confessions from men on what makes the experience forgettable.

1. The "Starfish" Effect

"When she just lays there. It’s not 'bad' per se, because I’m still having sex, but it feels like I’m doing manual labor. If I wanted to do all the work, I’d just handle it myself."

2. The "Favor" Vibe

"It’s average when it feels like she is letting me have sex with her, rather than wanting to have sex with me. There is a massive difference between permission and desire. If it feels like she’s doing me a favor, it’s instantly mediocre."

3. The Deafening Silence

"Silence. Absolute silence. I don’t need a porn star scream, but if I can hear the clock ticking or the bed springs squeaking and nothing else, I start wondering if she’s planning her grocery list. Give me a moan, a heavy breath, something to let me know you’re alive and enjoying it."

4. The "Check-Out"

"When her eyes are closed the entire time or she’s staring at the ceiling. Eye contact creates intimacy. Without it, it’s just friction."

5. The Script

"When it feels like a routine. Kiss for 2 minutes, touch boob, oral for 3 minutes, missionary, finish. It’s efficient, sure, but it’s boring. Good sex has improvisation; average sex follows a script."

6. Being a "Pillow Princess"

"There are women who think their presence is the present. They show up, get naked, and wait to be serviced. They don’t touch me, they don’t grab my back, they don’t move their hips. They just... exist. That’s the definition of average."

7. The Rush Job

"When she clearly just wants me to hurry up and finish. Nothing kills the mood faster than feeling like you’re on a timer because she wants to get back to scrolling TikTok."

8. The Lack of Hands

"If her arms are pinned to her sides, it’s average. Good sex involves her hands—grabbing my hair, scratching my back, holding my butt. If I’m the only one reaching out, I feel disconnected."

9. Never Initiating

"If I have to initiate 100% of the time, the sex will eventually feel average because I feel like I’m convincing her to do it. When a woman initiates, even awkwardly, the sex is automatically 10x better because I know she wants it."

10. The "Chore" Mentality

"It’s average when it feels like a maintenance task. Like brushing teeth or taking out the trash. 'Okay, let’s get this over with so we can sleep.' Technically we had sex, but emotionally? We were miles apart."

11. Overestimating "Skills"

"Some women think because they can do a split or have big boobs, the sex is automatically good. It’s not. I’ve had technically perfect sex that was boring, and clumsy, awkward sex that was amazing because the enthusiasm was off the charts."

12. No Reciprocation

"I go down on her for 20 minutes, make sure she finishes, and really put in the effort. Then when it’s my turn, she just grabs it for thirty seconds and looks bored. It makes the whole experience feel transactional and average."

13. The "Dead Weight"

"You have to move your hips. If I am moving your entire body weight with every thrust, I’m getting a workout, not an orgasm. Meet me in the middle."

14. Fear of Messing Up

"Average sex is too serious. Good sex is messy and fun. If we bump heads or make a weird noise and she gets embarrassed and shuts down, it ruins the vibe. If we can laugh about it and keep going, that’s great sex."

15. The Phone Watcher

"I once looked up and she was glancing at her Apple Watch notification. We finished, but that was the definition of 'meh' sex."

16. Avoiding Foreplay (For Him)

"Women talk a lot about needing foreplay (which is totally valid!), but men need it too. If she tries to stick it in dry or jumps straight to the main event without touching me or kissing me first, it feels mechanical."

17. The Lights Off Rule

"I get being self-conscious, but if it has to be pitch black every single time, it takes away the visual element that men really love. It makes the experience feel hidden and shameful rather than fun."

18. Not Knowing What She Wants

"It’s average when she expects me to read her mind. I ask 'what do you like?' and she says 'I don't know, whatever.' Help me help you! If you don’t guide me, I’m just guessing, and the result is usually just okay."

19. The Bottom Line: Enthusiasm

"The only real difference between average sex and great sex is enthusiasm. You can be the hottest woman in the world, but if you aren't into it, it’s a 5/10. You can be 'average' looking, but if you act like you are starving for me, it’s a 10/10 every time."