Diary of a Rubber Doll

Day 7

Days went by of walking in what the voice called 'ballet heels'. Although I doubt I could have danced a ballet in them.... My calves screamed after each session, but I was getting better. How I could possibly live in these all the time though.... But I knew I would for I now knew there is no escape.... not that I wanted to anyways....

At times I imagined I must have looked like a horse trying to walk fancy. I did not know the term used for it, but as I learned to walk in these impossible heels that image kept popping into my mind. But he had said I was a cat.... I had paws instead of hands now.... I had cat eyes and ears, even a cat looking nose....

I hated to admit to myself that I was accepting this, enjoying it even... but I was... I wished I had some control over myself though... a little.... But that I could not change. Even if I could escape what would become of me like THIS? I would be seen as a freak and locked away somewhere... or worse... studied like a guinea pig....

What might lie outside this place now seemed more terrifying than staying here... The voice was ever present and I wish it had a name... Even my caretaker had no name... Yet the voice always called me Lucy.... So much change to process and accept.... I wanted to scream my name is Faith not Lucy! But, with all the other changes something as trivial as a name was easier to accept I suppose.....

I was becoming accustomed to the toys now, almost could predict when they would come on.... I still resisted though and wasn't sure why... I didn't like not being able to stop what was happening, but pushing me beyond my perceived limits was so enjoyable.... I was learning to accept pleasure far beyond anything I had ever known existed or ever hoped to have experienced....

Sometimes I wish the voice would shut the hell up though.... Being lost in my own thoughts was torture sometimes, but it also allowed me to reflect on what the voice was saying to me. Forever, never to change, always be like this until the day I die.... The idea was erotic of course but terrible at the same time.... What would happen when I was too old... or too sick.... or if I became injured and no longer useful to them....

What they would do to me once of I was no longer of use was a thought I didn't want to have because obviously I could never even ask them that question. I tried to focus on the here and now.... I still hated the gag. It refused to give me any relief. It was always pressing my tongue and ramming down my throat without warning. I hated the goo they fed me.... I wished for coffee and chocolate and real food, knowing I can never have it again.

The mechanical voice told me repeatedly exactly what I am now... What they would teach me, well in general since it never revealed what each day held... It was literally programming me like someone would a computer. Constant repeatitive input that would eventually become "law" in my mind.

A fuck toy to be used. No control over how they use me. Trust that my needs were cared for. It always came back to TRUST. Why should I trust them? Look at what they have done to me.... I have been hurt so many times I have not trusted anyone in a long time.... Now though, I am forced to trust them.... Would I ever reach a point where I could give that trust willingly? I am positive that is what they want.... But could I EVER let go of that small control that I still grasp?

What would lie ahead for me if I didn't.... What laid ahead if I did? Could I give myself over to this so fully that it only ever brought the pleasure and not the fear????

"Wake up Lucy," the voice spoke in my head. I hated that too. They had taken my hearing and I could never even hear music again.... It was like a level of purgatory that I would never escape...

"Today will be your first lesson with a Master," the voice said as I felt the caretaker begin my morning routine. Enema the voice had called it.... Humiliation that someone else had control over when I could shit and where....

There were times I thought my bladder would explode before they finally relieved me.... The loss of control over this simple part of my own body nearly drove me crazy at times.... Sometimes I wanted to try to alert them that I had the need but again they had taken that power away from me as well....

I had to learn to TRUST the vioce kept saying.... trust that all these things were now being cared for and I had no worry of them... TRUST that every aspect would be cared for and I think that was the hardest part for me.... I had no reason to trust anyone, let alone them....

The caretaker was always close when this occurred.... Watching me shit and piss... controlling it even.... He could stop it or start it whenever he wanted and I could not stop him.... I began throbbing just thinking about this.... I was ashamed of it but at the same time my pussy throbbed aching for it.... Why did such humiliating things seem to exite me????

"You will learn many things today Lucy, but remember, if you disobey there will be punishment," the voice reminded me. I nodded that I heard it. Not that I wanted to be punished.... But sometimes I definitely did not want what they did....

I hated the rush that came out of me when they forced me to shit... It was so shameful to have someone else in control of this.... This one thing bothered me the most. Why did it have to be so clean? Why literally flushing it twice daily?

The goo began and the gag fucked my mouth. A reminder that the only nourishment I would ever get again would come in the form of a throat fuck. I hated the taste. It was like paste and cardboard. It slid down my throat, thick and disgusting. I loved the water though. It was always cool and so refreshing. Sometimes I could swear they put a hint of lemon in it, but that could have been a combination of my wishing for it and my imagination....

They kept me blind while the caretaker helped me stand and put the leash on. The heels seemed part of me now but I was sill learning them. Every now and then I stumbled and was met with a firm swat to the behind. I was by no means graceful on them, but I suspected that one day I would be. The walk was longer today and around more corners. I had grown used to being lead around without my vision, but I didn't like it....

Finally the caretaker lead me into a room and stopped. My heart pounded but was it fear or anticipation? My excitement grew with every breath, literally. The rod between my nipples made sure of that, tugging and pulling sending sparks through my entire body all the time.

"Lucy, you will kneel before the training Master," the voice said. How was I supposed to do that without help from my arms and in this heels? "First, lower to your knees."

I bent my knees and the angle drove the toys deep within me and I stood back up. Immediately someone struck my backside hard. I lowered again and this time managed to get one knee under me and then the other. I moved around until I was on my knees with my feet pointed behind me. The pressure on the feet was intense and every sensation felt amazingly orgasmic, but I hated it at the same time.

The ballet heels forced my feet at an angle that was not natural. It stretched the calves and top of my foot as I would have groaned, but had no sound anymore....

"Now, lower your behind to the heels," the voice instructed. I gently lowered myself until my backside rested on the sharp part of the heels. This movement drove the toys within me even deeper, and harder than before. I inhaled sharply but did as instructed. Thankfully the heels did not poke me. "Open your knees as far as you can."

Moving around I slowly managed to open my knees. The farther I moved them the worse the toys bothered me and they weren't even on. A swat to my backside let me know I had not opened far enough and I forced my knees apart. I felt hands on the inside of my knees and they forced them even farther apart before letting go.

"Back straight, hold that position," the voice spoke and I straightened up my back which then forced my breasts out. The rod between them tugged and annoyed me. But, I remained still.

"Good, remember this position Lucy. It is position number one," the voice said into my head. "When I tell you position number one, you will do this. Understood?" I nodded. Then the dildo in my pussy began fucking me softly. I trembled and tried to think of anything else.

I knew my juices flowed and I felt hands caressing my breasts as the dildo fucked my pussy. I wiggled and every time I did someone struck my backside. How did they expect me to sit still when they did this to me? The hands gripped and tugged and made everything drive me higher and then stopped, but the dildo showed me no mercy.

"You will not move or squirm, Lucy," the voice instructed as the hands kept exploring my body. "You will learn control over yourself or there will be punishment." I simply nodded, it was all I could do.

This kneeling position allowed the dildo to reach deeper and hit more hot spots. I felt hands on my lips and a sudden rush of air as the gag was removed for the first time.... My lips were still being forced open wider though....

The sensations were nearly overwhelming but I held still. I knew punishment, at least a mild form of it and did not desire anything worse than I had already tasted... As much as I wanted to hate this.... I desired it....

"The training Master is adjusting your mouth to accomodate something Lucy," the voice said. What did he mean adjusting? I felt the spread as my lips opened farther and farther until I thought they might split open.

For a moment I wondered how they had accomplished this.... I recalled watching that horrid video... They must have some device that the control... So many changes they had made to me, ones I was still discovering.... Each new thing brought a new level of pleasure and humiliation with it. But something deep inside of me truly desired this, craved it and admitting that to myself was the hardest part... Accepting it was a whole different thing....

Drool ran from my mouth as I sat there trying to fight the dildo and what it was driving me to. The sensation of my mouth being open, that I could not close it and my tongue running all over my lips was driving me to that place again.....

"You are nothing but a fuck toy Lucy, to be used as we see fit," the voice said and suddenly there was a real cock in my mouth! He rammed it deep and his hair tickled my mose. I tried to pull back and was met with a firm swat to the backside. "Your holes will be fucked and used in any manner we desire Lucy."

I tried to close my lips and couldn't. I tried to push him out with my tongue and counldn't. He fucked my throat deeper than the gag went and I could not stop it.... But did I really want to? My body betrayed me at every turn... I wanted to hate this... But I enjoyed it and wanted more....

The dildo in my pussy enlarged and began fucking harder and faster. The training Master did the same as the anal dildo inflated. I felt overfull as he face fucked me and I struggled in protest. I shook my shoulders and tried to shake my head. He struck my backside hard, leaving a stinging sensation. It only drove me higher....

"You will sit still Lucy, you will learn to control these urges," the voice said somewhere in the fog of my brain. I tried... But it was impossible.... "You will not move or you will be punished."

His cock drove so deep into my throat that I thought he would impale me. I could not sit still no matter how I tried but each wiggle was met with a swat and suddenly I could fight no more. His cock swelled and filled my throat and he came, so did I. It was so explosive I felt my nipples harden around their piercings and I thought they would rip right out. If I could have screamed out in pleasure I would have..... But the dildo did not stop.

When he finally pulled out he adjusted my lips and put the gag back in. Immediately it began fucking me. My whole body throbbed and ached and the fucking continued. It was relentless and hands gripped my breasts. It was more than I could bear and my entire body went rigid and then collasped at his feet.

Doubled over as I was the toys did not stop. Instead my backside received five firm swats but I could not sit up.... The swats continued but I was in that weird sub space again and nothing existed but pure pleasure.

The swats turned harder and brought me back to reality for only a moment... Then it was a blissful rest as I fell to the floor unconcious....

What happened when I woke up though..... dear diary I cannot wait to tell you.....

Until next time dear diary....