Surviving Mars

Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. Yet, I heard Colonel Schell scream when the space debris hit him. Schell was a tough, old bird; old school, a former fighter pilot, an adventure junkie and a cancer survivor. He truly believed that pain made one stronger. Believed that it was best to be tested by fire than never to be tested at all.

Schell wasn’t the type to scream. But, I heard it.

According to the readouts from his suit, the first strike hit him in the neck, The communication gear ran right up along the left side of the helmet – right where the piece of debris hit him. A piece of debris probably no bigger than a ping pong ball, traveling at over fifteen thousand miles per hour through space. It went through his helmet like water through a sieve. No one heard anything but screeching static through their head gear.

I was twenty meters from him, happily doing my job on the outside of the UN Space Station Meili, focused on the damaged solar panel when I heard the bellowing static. When the noise ceased there was a cacophony of chatter from the crew. That’s when I turned to see where Colonel Schell was. He had been on the top of the station last I had seen him, moving down to my left, saying something about the antennae alignment. He was always complaining about the communications system even though it was the most redundant system on the station and no one else had issues with it.

I spotted Schell, just as he was starting to drift off the deck. A gaping hole in the left side of his helmet. His right hand clawed at the hole, his fingers scraping at the edge of the breach. Not that he could have stopped the flow of oxygen leaving his suit. The hole was jagged and all of seven centimeters wide; a pinhole was dangerous enough, but a void that size was certain death.

Another fragment hit him in the leg right above the knee and went right through the suit. I saw the faintest red spray as it exited the suit on the other side. A third piece tore away at his suit just above the hip. Schell twisted in pain and that’s when I heard him scream. I know sound is not supposed to travel in the vacuum of space. I know that he still had his helmet on and that would have muffled any sound as well, not to mention my own helmet and the voices chattering away on the headset, yet I know what I heard.

Schell screamed. One short, terrified cry of pain. Loud. Very loud. So loud I felt the vibration echo through my bones.

I saw his right hand drop from his neck as he drifted to the end of his tether. I was moving closer to him, in a sort of stunned, slow-motion way. I clung to the station, looking back over my shoulder as if expecting to see a shooter atop the station with a rifle pointed at me. That’s what it was like, like Schell has been shot.

More overlapping chatter on the headset. Captain Takaki was at one of the windows, but from where he was at, he could not see Schell. I reached Schell’s tether, just as I heard myself say, “Colonel Schell is hurt… dead…” The headset exploded with more chatter, Takaki asking ‘what happened’, Farrell screaming, ‘he can’t be dead’, Moyer, Suttcliffe, Rybakov, Hill, Veron, and Hast all asking a hundred questions that I could not begin to answer.

“Something struck him… an asteroid fragment, something.” I managed to say after a moment.

“I show we have damage to the outer hull.” Hast said loud enough to be heard over the other voices.

“Get inside.” Takaki ordered.

“I’ve got to get Schell.” I replied.

“If there are more strikes you could be killed too!” Takaki said as the other voices seemed to quiet down.

I looked back over my right shoulder. There were two holes in the solar panel I had just been working on. One of the holes was probably just centimeters away from where I had been working. A chill ran through me. A chill so cold that I literally froze. I had gripped the handle just above the tether that held Schell's dead body. My body was pressed tight against the station. I pulled myself closer trying to melt my form into the aluminum skin.

“You have to move.” Takaki said calmly.

I could hear that shrill, sudden scream that Schell had let loose just before he died. The sound grew louder in my ears. Maybe it was me, I thought as I stared at the white surface of the station on the other side of my visor. Maybe I had let out that scream when I saw him get hit.

“Move down to the access door.” Takaki’s voice again, calm, but authoritative.

“I’m suiting up.” Veron’s voice. “I’ll get them.”

“No one is going out.” Takaki ordered. After a moment he spoke directly to me again in his calmest voice. “Rick.” He used my first name. He had never called me Rick, but I knew he was trying to get personal, trying to get my full attention. “Rick, you’ve got to move down about four meters to the door.”

“I’m reading increased CO2 levels in your suit.” Hest said.

I looked to the left. I could see the hatch. I looked back to my right. My tether was taut. I had come out on the other side of the solar panels. Going back that way was a good ten meters. Six, or seven meters might not seem like much, but in this instance, it seemed like a hundred kilometers.

“I’m at the end of my tether.” I finally said and drew a deep breath.

“Your CO2 is rising.” Hest repeated then asked. “Are you okay?”

“He’s in the comm screen.” Hill said.

Everyone chimed in simultaneously. A mish-mash of voices that might as well have been static. I looked back over my left shoulder. There was Schell pressed against the comm screen. While the communications systems were overly redundant, if the comm screen got damaged it would severely limit our ability to contact Mission Control. It only stood out from the ship about fifty centimeters, but it was mostly wires on a thin “screen” that was designed to withstand some pressure, but a body pressed against it was not something it was designed for. The one thing that Schell had worried about was the one thing his dead body was now on the verge of damaging.

“Unhook his tether.” Rybakov’s thick, Russian accent commanded.

There was more discussion and then Takaki came back to me and said, “Can you pull the Colonel – pull on his tether?”

I swore, thinking I had said the word in a frustrated, quiet whisper, but not taking into account that the microphones in my helmet were ultra-sensitive and the crew inside could hear the sound of my nose hair growing. To my surprise, several of the crew laughed. I turned so my right arm pressed against the side of the station and I could see Schell's body.

I reached out with my left hand and grabbed the tether. “I got the tether.” I said.

“Don’t jerk it.” Hest said. “Once you start pulling, you have to keep pulling and not let up. If he slides back into the comm screen he’ll destroy it sure as shit.”

I swallowed hard and gripped the tether better. I reached out with my right hand and put it a few centimeters over my left. Someone said something about who was going to fix the screen, but I paid no attention. I pulled on the tether with both hands. One, steady, long pull, then I reached out with my left hand, placing it several centimeters above the right and pulled again. Next, I reached out ahead with my right hand and pulled. I repeated this eight, maybe ten times until Schell's body was within my reach.

Schell’s sun-visor was up. The face inside the helmet looked nothing like the Colonel Schell I had eaten breakfast with earlier in the day. His skin was ghostly-gray, nearly white, his eyes looked like shiny, cracked crystals, his mouth was open, his lips were pale, flecks of ice covered his mustache.

I heard the scream again. This time the chill I felt shook me so hard I nearly let go of the tether. I closed my eyes so as not to see his face and gripped the cable tighter.

“You got him?” Hest asked.

“Yes.” Was all I could manage to say.

“You’re going to have to un-tether him.” Takaki said. “Do you hear me, Rick? You’re going to have to unhook Schell.”

“Let him go?” I asked.

There was a moment of silence then Takaki answered simply, “Yes.”

I heard everyone conversing in hushed tones. It made sense, I knew. There was no place to store the Colonel on the ship. We were out for seven years and two of those would be down on the planet. When we went through the training we had all been told this was the “burial at sea”. Except we didn’t drape anyone in a flag or fire off guns, we just un-tethered them and let them float away out into the surrounding darkness..

I looked down at the connection. A heavy-duty carabiner with a locking nut at the bottom. I reached out for the nut and the tether slipped. Schell's body twisted and slipped back a little, but I quickly caught him. I saw the hole in the right side of his suit then. I thought it had just ripped at the outside, but the frayed material was red with blood. On his left side, there was a smaller hole. Something had nearly cut him in half, entering on his left side, exiting on the right. No wonder he screamed. I looked back over my shoulder as if I could see where the deadly debris was coming from. As if I could see it coming for me. Beyond the edge of the station, there was only darkness.

I focused back on the carabiner. My hands shook as I tried to grasp it. Three turns and the lock was released. I grabbed the strap that held his SAFER system with my left hand and worked the carabiner with my right.

There was more conversation on the headset, then Takaki asked, “How are you doing?”

I unhooked the carabiner from his suit and quickly latched it into the ring on my suit. “He’s free.”

“Are you hooked in?” Suttcliffe’s voice boomed in my headset.

“Yep.” I sighed, “Hooked in.”

There was a long silence. No one wanted to give me the order to let Schell go. I turned the Colonel so he was facing away from the station, away from me. I was getting ready to push him off when I thought about the SAFER backpack. The unit was a backup in the event the tether broke. One could use the SAFER to propel them back to the ship. I reached around to the center latch on Schell’s chest and twisted it to the right. I felt it give way. Then I reached down with my left hand and undid the belt around his waist. The pack came free. I drew a breath, held on to the SAFER with my left hand and pushed on Schell’s back with my right.

The Colonel drifted slowly in a straight line away from the station. His head pitched forward a little, his right arm was in front of him looking like he was pointing the way he needed to go. I saw then the back of his right leg was torn open. A hole wide enough to fit a softball in. I tried not to look at that wound. I closed my eyes again, hoping that when I opened them the Colonel would be out of sight. I kept my eyes closed until Takaki spoke again.

“Rick?” He said softly. “Everything okay?”

I nodded, then said, “I saved his SAFER pack.” I looked to see the Colonel twenty meters away.

Quiet. No one said a word for what seemed like minutes, but it was probably only twenty or thirty seconds. I turned toward the hatch to my left. I started to move that way when I felt a tug on my suit. I realized I had not released my own tether.

I looked back to see the Colonel one more time then, using my right hand I unscrewed the nut and unhooked myself from my original tether. I looked down to make sure I had the right one attached to the station.

“I’m coming in.” I said and started moving slowly down the outside hull.

“Your CO2 is still climbing.” Hest said, then asked. “You’re not hyperventilating, are you?”

I paused and paid attention to my heart rate. The readout on my armband read:

PULSE: 105

BP: 138/105

My eyes blurred slightly. Pulse was way higher than normal for me as was the blood pressure. I’m guessing my CO2 had to be in the 30s or so, just high enough to be concerned. I’d be fine once I got back inside the station, I told myself.

“The CO2 scrubber seems to be malfunctioning.” Hest reported.

“You don’t sound like you’re hyperventilating.” Suttcliffe said.

“I’m just anxious to get back inside and see all your smiling faces.”

I carefully grabbed the next handhold and moved closer to the hatch. I happened to glance up and saw something embedded into the side of the station. It looked like a wedge-shaped piece of rock. I looked back to the right, there were a couple of scrape marks and a few dents in the hull. It had to have been asteroid fragments that killed Schell, I thought. I hooked the belt of the SAFER unit around my left arm and used my left hand to grasp a tether tie-in spot. I reached up with my right hand and tugged on the rock. The piece did not move. I hoped it hadn’t penetrated the interior hull. I found a foothold and stepped up a little higher to have better leverage. I wriggled the piece around and finally pulled it free.

The rock was jagged all around and had shiny crystals embedded in it. Holding it in my gloved hand, it looked like a giant arrowhead. The piece was a good twenty centimeters in length and at its widest point was maybe four centimeters across. I thought, Rybakov will love this. I dropped the rock into my tool bag and pushed myself over to the hatch.

Hest held up the portable life system support unit and pointed to a black spot on the left hand side. “You got hit. The piece that hit you damaged the CO2 scrubber, that’s why your levels were going up.”

I looked carefully at the spot Hest pointed at as the rest of the crew gathered around. “I didn’t feel anything.”

“We didn’t pick up any asteroid debris on the scans.” Moyer was floating near the back of the group.

“At some point, someone has to go out there and check for holes.” I told the group as they pressed in closer, alternating between staring at the tiny hole in the O2 rig and looking at me like it was a miracle I was even alive.

“You said there was more damage?” Rybakov asked.

“That piece.” I pointed to the fragment in Rybakov’s hand, “Was stuck in the hull. We gotta make sure there aren’t any other pieces like that. Someone’s going to have to crawl over this bucket to check.” I pointed a thumb at myself, “It’s not going to be me.”

“You’re the Tech.” Takaki said without looking at me. He had not called me Rick since I got inside the station.

Hest raised his hand, “I can go.” Then he gestured towards Moyer, “The Lieutenant has done many a walk in space. Moyer and I can go.”

Takaki glanced around at the crew and nodded his head. He looked quite somber. The man never smiled much, but now he looked downright depressed.

Farrell pushed off the back of a chair and floated up to me. She held out a squeeze bottle, “Two fingers of Rye.” She said and winked at me.

I took a swig and smiled up at her. “Just what I needed.” Truth was, it did not have the same taste as I remembered. Everything we drank was out of a squeeze bottle of some sort. I preferred my whiskey out of a glass, but five miles above Mars, you take what you can get.

Farrell looked at Takaki. “Do you need some too?”

Takaki shook his head, no. His brow was furrowed like he was deep in thought. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked back at me. “Tomorrow, you’re going to have to go out and check for damage.”

“We’ve got five more days before we set down.” I looked at Hill then over to Hest. “Hest said he’d go. Give me a little time –”

“You’re the one.” Takaki said, cutting me off, adding, “There is no time.”

Veron pulled away from the support beam he had been holding onto. “Captain Takaki is in charge now. If he says it's you, then it’s you.”

“We’ve got time.” Hest said, ignoring Veron’s comment. “At least let Webber rest a day or two.”

Takaki glared at Hest for a moment then looked back down at the floor. Something was eating at him. The loss of the Colonel had to be in the forefront of his mind. Still, he had always been the calmest one in the crew. The most level-headed and easy to get along with. I had known Takaki for seven years or more, since before this mission was given the go-ahead. In all that time I had never seen him mad. I had never even seen him mildly ticked off. Now, he looked like he was beyond mad.

I took another sip of the whiskey and felt the burn as it went down my throat. There was a great tension in the ship. I looked at the faces of my crewmates, the sadness and anxiety was plainly visible. “We’re all a little tense.” I said. “I’m still a bit shaky myself. Why don’t we all spread out – as much as possible in this tin can – and we’ll meet up at dinner time.” I turned and looked at Takaki, “How’s that sound, Captain.”

Takaki’s eyes met mine. His eyes were hard. My words had obviously not calmed him. “You don’t give orders here, Webber.” He said tersely. “We have a problem here and we are going to resolve it right now.”

“Jesus.” Hill said as she pushed her bangs off her forehead and moved past Moyer. “We lost Schell today, Captain. We nearly lost Webber. Can’t we just take a breath and –“

“There is no time.” Takaki repeated, his cold stare shifted to Hill. “We lost Colonel Schell today. This was his mission. We’re following his plan.” He drew a breath. “He hand-picked most of you. Everyone is here for a specific task. Everyone here has an important job.” He glanced around the tight confines, “It’s Webber’s job to fix things - he’s the master tech. It’s Hest’s job to monitor the crew and work as quartermaster. It is your job,” he pointed a shaky finger at Hill, “to manage the habitat on the planet. Veron is co-pilot and navigator and it was Schell’s job to put the lander on the planet – safely.”

There was a collective intake of air from the group. One big, sucking gasp that nearly took all the O2 out of the room. With everything that had happened, no one had remembered that it was Colonel Schell who had not only helped design the Martian Lander, but he was also the pilot for it.

Takaki stood up and thrust his hands into the pockets of his jumpsuit. “We need to know if the Lander is damaged. We need to know if anything else is damaged. Quite honestly, I’d like to go out there myself and check the station, but Veron and I are going to be reviewing our notes, going through procedures and all of the recordings on how to land the team safely onto that planet. Everyone here is needed to do their jobs.”

I drew a breath and slowly raised my hand. When I saw Takaki turn toward me, I asked, “So I’m the expendable one?”

Takaki shook his head slightly and pressed his lips tight together. He took a couple of steps toward me then stopped. I could see the anger in him had subsided slightly. “We need you, Rick.” He said, in a softer tone, calling me by my first name again. “We need you to make sure we are safe and secure…in this… ‘tin can’.” He gave me a tight-lipped smile then turned back to the group. “No one is expendable. We all need each other. We are a team and if this mission is going to be successful – if we are to survive – we have to do our jobs to the best of our abilities.”

Everyone was quiet. No one was going to argue now. Takaki took a step and then lifted his feet and floated past us through the next hatch into the cockpit. Veron followed him. Hest pulled up the headphones he had around his neck and turned back to the monitors at his station.

I stood up, gripping the squeezable bottle of Rye Whiskey in my right hand. I dreaded the thought of going back out there, but like Takaki said, I had to do my job. In five days two-thirds of the crew would go down to the planet to set up the habitats and start the hydroponics systems. Everything had to be perfect for that to happen. Everything had to be checked and double-checked. I knew the drill.

The next crew would arrive in a year and we would head back to Earth. The rotation would continue on until the settlers arrived in five years. There would be over a hundred people permanently living on Mars in six years. Would they know of the sacrifices we made for that to happen? I turned toward the window thinking I might see Mars, but all I saw was the deep, cold darkness of space.

The station was silent. Space was silent. Schell himself had once referred to space as ‘the great quiet’. I had heard the scream. I heard it now echoing in my ears as I looked out the window. The great quiet had been shattered.