Mr BILLY THE GoAT

⸻

In the small town of Hayfield, where the population was roughly 3,000 humans, 4,000 chickens, and one suspiciously ambitious goat, a shocking election result was announced: Billy the Goat was officially declared Mayor.

Now, Billy wasn’t just any goat. He wore a custom-tailored suit, a shiny little top hat, and a tie that looked like it had been stolen from a magician. Nobody knew how he got his name on the ballot—rumors said he ate the forms, and somehow his signature counted—but when voting day came, Billy campaigned harder than anyone else. While the human candidates gave boring speeches about taxes and road repairs, Billy climbed onto the podium, bleated loudly, and ate the microphone. The crowd cheered.

It turned out Billy’s slogan, “Grass for All!” struck a chord with the people of Hayfield. He won by a landslide.

⸻

The First Day in Office

On his first day, Billy strutted into City Hall, his hooves clicking like polished shoes. He refused to sit in the mayor’s chair unless someone added hay for cushioning. Once seated, he chewed pens during council meetings and headbutted anyone who disagreed with him. Oddly enough, it worked—debates ended quickly.

The new mayor’s first executive order? “All lawns in Hayfield must remain uncut for free grazing.” Residents didn’t mind—no more mowing on Sundays. The goats loved it, the cows supported it, and the humans were too lazy to complain.

⸻

The Scandal

But not everything was smooth. Soon, a scandal erupted. A journalist reported that Mayor Billy had been caught chewing on tax documents. Another claimed he bribed the police chief with salt blocks. And whispers began that Billy was secretly funneling town funds into his “Hay Bank.”

When asked for comment, Billy simply bleated and chewed a reporter’s tie. His approval rating skyrocketed.

⸻

The Mayor’s Plan for Growth

Mayor Billy had a vision. He wanted to transform Hayfield into “The Grass Capital of the World.” His economic plan? Free hay exports, goat yoga tourism, and replacing school buses with hay wagons.

His speeches became legendary:

“My fellow Hayfieldians, we must stick together! If anyone opposes us, we butt them! Baaaaa!”

Children adored him, seniors found him entertaining, and farmers considered him a genius.

⸻

The International Incident

Things got complicated when Billy was invited to a mayor’s summit in the capital. Wearing his suit and hat, he proudly trotted into the conference room filled with mayors from across the country.

During introductions, he ate the nameplates off the table. Then he stole the French ambassador’s croissant. Finally, when asked about climate change, he stood up and loudly declared, “The grass is always greener on my side!”

Strangely, diplomats applauded. Someone translated his bleats into “a profound ecological vision.” Overnight, Billy became a global political star.

⸻

The Legacy

Back in Hayfield, Mayor Billy remained unbeatable. Elections came and went, but nobody dared run against him—after all, who could debate a goat who ends arguments by eating your paperwork?

One day, when asked what his greatest achievement was, Billy looked out over the endless fields of tall grass, nibbled his mayoral sash, and gave a single bleat:

“Baaaa—balance budget.”

The crowd erupted in laughter and applause