Tire Change

“Are you finished yet?”

Maribel glared at Paige, who lounged comfortably in the backseat of the Camry while she and Erica struggled with the front tire’s lug nuts. Paige was too perfect and delicate for such work, of course. “Probably would have it by now with another set of hands, asshole.”

Erica grunted and swore loudly. “I just lost another nail. Shit, maybe we should just call roadside –"

Her friends looked at her as she froze, her hands rigid and midway through pushing her blonde hair from her eyes. “Erica? You okay?” Maribel asked.

Erica sank to her knees, the asphalt under her shaking and crumbling. Maribel pulled her forward, but a thick, black smoke snaked from the ground and dove into her back. Erica’s eyes rolled back, then turned black. Maribel screamed, running to the other side of the car. Paige was frozen in place, now sitting upright with one hand on the door handle.

“Finally, amongst mortals! I am Mostuvius, agent of the Dark One!” Erica, or Not Erica, bellowed with an inhuman hiss. “Take me –" the monstrous, booming voice paused, smacking its lips. “Take –" Not Erica clutched at her chest. “What’s wrong with this form?”

Maribel and Paige looked at each other. “There’s more broken about Erica than not,” Paige said softly.

“Asthma, scoliosis, knee replacement, irritable bowel syndrome, partial deafness –"

“Total intentional deafness at times.”

“- Depression, rampant clumsiness, lack of any foresight –"

“Enough!” Not Erica roared before collapsing into a coughing fit. Paige rummaged through the Camry’s center console, pulled out Erica’s inhaler and, shoved it through the window at her.

“Puff on this. And stand up straight, Christ. You’re gonna hurt your back more.”

Mostuvius took the inhaler and turned it over a few times with its hands in befuddlement. Maribel knew it probably wasn’t going to ask for help. “No! Take me to your leader! I will destroy all upon this disgusting planet and rule with an iron fist!”

“That’s basically what’s already happening. What are you gonna do different?” Maribel grumbled.

Not Erica coughed more. “What?”

“We’re already doing great destroying ourselves. Just wait like, 20 years – it’ll be super easy, I bet,” Paige said confidently.

Not Erica glanced between the two women, still coughing and wincing in pain. “Very well. And next time, I’ll choose a more suitable form!”

“Yeah, you do that.” Maribel started walking back to the front of the car. “Hey, before you go, can you loosen up that lug nut right there?”

“Which one, this one?” Not Erica bent down and easily turned the socket. The nut clattered to the asphalt.

“Finally! You can have my body next time, I don’t want it,” Paige sighed, laying back down.

Not Erica nodded. “Very well. Until next time! Enjoy your last 20 years!”

“We will, thanks. Give us Erica back,” Maribel sighed, rolling the spare tire to its place.

Erica shuddered, and the black smoke retreated from her back. She coughed, puffed on the inhaler, and looked between her two friends.

“What a fucking pussy. Can’t even handle a little asthma. Anyway, let’s get this tire on and head to Ricky’s party. We’re already late.”