World Leaders React to Imminent Alien Invasion 

Israel — We Sold Them Mobile Phones

In a bold preemptive move, Israel's Ministry of Defense announced it had successfully marketed “Earth's finest communication devices” to the extraterrestrial fleet. “Our agents disguised as Verizon sales reps convinced them the Galaxy S24 Ultra was a 'peace offering,'” said a spokesperson. “Their self-destruct feature activates at midnight.” 

When asked if this violated interstellar trade laws, Prime Minister Netanyahu shrugged. “They should have read the terms and conditions.”

United States — We've Formed a Committee

The United States created a new government bureaucracy to tackle the imminent invasion - the Department of Extraterrestrial Affairs and Defense (DEAD). President Trump hailed it as “the best group of people who can stop illegal space immigrants - believe you tell me.”

DEAD's first act was to commission a $500 million logo featuring a bald eagle strangling an alien. Critics on Bluesky slammed the agency for its press release which misspelled “extraterrestrial” as “extra-terrible.”

Democrats in Congress also pointed out that DEAD's acronym was misspelled on page 63 of its funding bill, and rejected the new agency's 800 billion dollar appropriation request. The next vote will be held in 2027.

On X, Elon Musk announced SpaceX would charge aliens 100,000 per landing permit.

Ukraine  -  Slava Ukraini! Here's Our Flag for Your Spaceship

President Volodymyr Zelenskyy took to the streets of Kyiv, waving the now widely familiar Ukrainian blue-and-yellow flag and shouting “Slava Ukraini!” to a crowd of impassioned citizens. “If the aliens come, they'll know Ukraine stands tall!” he declared, unveiling a plan to beam his country's national anthem into space via satellite. 

Ukrainian forces also launched a drone at the alien mothership, draped with a giant blue-and-yellow banner. 

Analysts speculate this was less about military strategy and more about boosting morale amidst fears of eventual defeat, but the move has already sparked a viral TikTok trend, #AliensForUkraine.

Russia immediately claimed the aliens were “always historically Russian.”

Russia — We Bugged the Alien Delegation 

The Kremlin installed listening devices in the aliens' spaceship - then accused them of espionage. State media aired leaked footage of an extraterrestrial whispering about “destroying traditional Slavic values.” 

A Kremlin spokesman declared: “We have always been at war with outside invaders. We reject any request to join a unified Earth defense force as we haven't gotten credit for defeating Hitler yet.”

American based AP News compared Vladimir Putin's Machiavellian stance to Hitler.

China — Huawei Announces AlienRouter X6 (5% Faster Than X5)

In a press conference, China unveiled its solution: an incremental upgrade to existing tech. “Our new quantum firewall blocks 0.3% more alien hacking attempts,” said a Huawei engineer. 

State media aired a bizarre ad showing an alien using a Huawei router to order dim sum.

Meanwhile, TikTok influencers were encouraged to post videos titled “10 Reasons Why Alien Overlords Prefer China.”

India — We Threw a Festival

Delhi celebrated First Contact with an impromptu Diwali Festival for the Alien's Envoy, featuring laser-light shows, gold jewelry, and a surprise appearance by Prime Minister Modi. 

After the festival, the aliens' diplomatic envoy was gridlocked near Mumbai for two days. “They're learning true Indian culture,” said a traffic cop, shrugging.

The Aliens plan to avoid India but enlist the British to reconquer the subcontinent. They aim to once again encourage India's 2,000 ethnic groups to love the King of England but dislike each other.

United Kingdom — We Invited Them for Tea

King Charles III formally extended an invitation to “discuss galactic harmony over scones.” While telling them jokes about the Americans (ones they hadn't heard fore), Charles slyly asked the aliens if there were any other aliens they needed the UK's help with.

Canada — Sorry for the Invasion

Prime Minister Trudeau issued a formal apology “for any inconvenience caused by our impending annihilation” and offered the extraterrestrials complimentary maple syrup and a priority spot on the immigration waitlist. 

Critics noted the aliens would die of old age before getting a visa or a chance to visit a family doctor.

Australia — Aliens, Watch Out for the Jellyfish

The Australian Defense Force released a statement: “We've strategically placed our deadliest wildlife between the aliens and our cities. If exaggerated fears about tiny spiders work to keep Americans out of our backyards, it will certainly work against aliens.” 

France — We Surrender

Paris declared the aliens' diversity “culturally superior” and immediately surrendered. 

The Louvre unveiled a new exhibit: “Alien Art Is Better Than Ours.” Macron was seen negotiating a treaty where France would supply interstellar wine in exchange for not being vaporized first.

Germany — We Have a 400-Page Invasion Preparedness Plan

Berlin's Ministry of Alien Affairs released a meticulously formatted PDF titled “Regulation 34b: Proper Procedures for Welcoming Our New Overlords (Draft).” 

It included mandatory recycling quotas for alien tech and a 10-year transition to renewable energy death rays.

Japan — Kawaii Diplomacy

Japan unveiled “Uchu-chan” (Space-chan), a pastel-hued, big-eyed alien mascot. It commemorated the new line of cartoon characters to help the population be comfortable with possible extermination by a more powerful enemy that can wipe out entire Japanese cities without feeling guilty about it. 

PM Kishida bowed so deeply to the alien delegation while offering them a “Gomennasai Gift Basket”, they felt embarrassed to be in their country, and departed quietly.

The Alien military commander ordered his fleet to spare Akihabara “for cultural preservation.”

Brazil — Welcome to the Jungle

President Lula welcomed the alien fleet, saying, “We welcome them to make the Global South Great Again.” 

Rio's Carnival dancers performed a samba tribute titled “Probe Me, Daddy.”

Saudi Arabia — We Built Them a Luxury Spaceport

The Kingdom unveiled “NEOM Galactic,” a $500 billion desert megacity for alien tourists, featuring zero-alcohol nightclubs and robot camels. The Crown Prince assured citizens the aliens would “follow Vision 2030.”

North Korea — We Already Defeated the Aliens

State media broadcast footage of Kim Jong-un single-handedly repelling the invasion via “spiritual laser power.” 

Analysts noted the “alien ships” were clearly poorly edited Star Trek clips.

Switzerland — We're Neutral

Geneva offered to host peace talks while discreetly asking the aliens if they'd like to open a numbered account. 

“Interplanetary interest rates are out of this world,” whispered a UBS teller.

Final Update: The Alien's Final Adios

After 72 hours of human diplomacy, the alien fleet abruptly departed. Intercepted communications revealed their final message: This planet has a terrible public relations department. We'll return after you have evolved.