A Letter To Help Me Resign From Anger And Pain

A Letter to Help Me Resign From Anger And Pain

A Letter To My Inner Child

By: Mariann Carroll 5/23/25

Dear Childhood Anger And Pain:

I know you are trying to understand why your mother had you move away from her when it was not your fault. It was your Step Uncle who caused this separation pain from your mother.

Your Step Uncle has died now. His death on May 21, 2025, is for you to bury the pain and grievances you had against him for raping you at a young age. You were entrusted to him to babysit you while your mother was in the hospital.

He took advantage of the situation and pushed you to do something you did not want. He had others participate in his sick orgy. You try to forget it, but images come back whenever bad trauma occurs in your life.

You have every right to be angry and have grievances against him. He took away your youth and innocence. He took away your family. I know letting go of the pain is hard.

Your brothers don't understand why you don't attend family gatherings, especially if you know he will be around. They condemn you for not attending family reunions, birthday parties, and funerals. You hardly invite that side of the family because it brings back painful memories you want to forget.

I know you find it hard to process this. You try to seek help. Anger and pain lurking in the shadows because you don't want others to see your feelings.

How can I let go of these dark feelings? Do I resign to the pain and anger I want to release? How do I release them? I wrote this letter to help me resign. Only time will tell if writing this letter will help me release the pain and anger I have inside of me.

I do not know if his death made me happy or sad. Did he feel bad about what he did to me? That experience made me feel dirty and unworthy of love. It was a skeleton in my closet that I did not want to own up to.

It made me feel I did not belong anywhere on this earth. I had to learn to accept it even if I did not want to. I will be honest: thoughts of it made me want to kill myself as a teenager, but the spiritual side of me stopped me.

I was Blessed to study different religions and read helpful books. Books were my way out of reality. I did not have to think about the past or present. I was in a world I wanted to be in.

When I was not reading, I felt my world would be out of control and something bad would happen, which they did, but I survived them all.

I do have a lot to be grateful for, even if I go through PTSD because of that experience.

Meditation and prayers help me get out of my angry mood. I am mostly silent when I am angry. I try to understand why I am angry and see how to escape that funk. The challenge is not saying something hurtful. I am not a violent person. I try to dodge any physical violence. I am mostly vocal about my feelings nowadays. I avoided confrontations even if I knew I had reasons to be angry.

I am very proactive when it comes to unfair treatment. I communicate with others to get justice. I try to get myself informed. I like to empower others who have experienced what I have gone through.

Music can help and also bring you back to the past. I usually cry when I am mad about injustice. Injustice brings me pain. Is there a way to resign from the pain of injustice????

Dear pain and anger, I want to be separated from you. You no longer bring value to my life. I will no longer react but respond in a healthy way

to an unpleasant situation.

Step Uncle, you no longer have the power to influence my response to the anger you brought to my life. I will bury the injustice your bad behavior has caused in my life. Goodbye. May you rest in peace, not because I am being kind but to release the pain and anger I held on to for so long.

It's time to move on from the anger and pain that experience gave me. I will embrace the happiness and relief of being free from that injustice. Keep on empowering others with similar experiences. I called it experience versus trauma to bury the hatchet.

Letting go of the pain and anger means I am healing. It does not mean I will no longer be angry about things; I will respond to anger and pain by using positive coping mechanisms.

Best Regards,

My Inner Childhood Anger and Pain