Path of your Wrath

Time heals all wounds, or absence make the heart grow fonder. Which is it? How can time heal a wound when a heart is absent? Neither make sense when said together, yet both hold true.

So, with that in mind, please understand and don’t just listen, but hear what I am saying. I am going to ask something of you that I know you have little use for, patience. Don’t question until the very end and please keep an open mind. I thought long on this and tried producing the right word. ‘Leaving’ sounds harsh, and I do not care for the word ‘Quit.’ Therefore ‘Resignation’ will have to suffice.

I need to explain a few things first.

Why now you ask? Oddly enough, it was the tickling scent of antiseptic assaulting my senses that gave me clarity in seeing who I had become. I did not care for the picture it painted and knew then, a change was required before it became too late.

I should have convinced you long ago that I am no hero. You placed me upon a pedestal. I never did understand why but loved how you made me feel when you did. I asked you once, the reply was simple, you said. ‘Because you are a good person.’

The same can be said about you.

Again, there is truth in these words which makes this all the harder. I wish to remain a good person, yet knowing my unexpected action for change will cause pain. Please know it is necessary for me to reclaim something I lost long ago, slowly over time, but nevertheless I must regain that which I so willingly gave up.

I see now that it was unfair of me to expect you to make all the important decisions. It wasn’t your fault it was mine. From the time I was young I followed choices others made for me, but there were times I did so because it was expected of me, not what I wanted. It may have been the correct path to follow but not always the one I wished to be upon. While you are decisive I tend to debate, dwell, and procrastinate..

You always have a plan that needs to be followed while I like spontaneity with a dash of over thinking. When it came time for the big decisions in life I never seem to follow through. On rare occasions I know what I want. One such lightbulb moment was to have my best friend walk the ring to us on our wedding day. You had your doubts, saying he may be my best friend, but reliability is not his strong suite.

In hindsight sight perhaps Cooper wasn’t the best choice but how was I to know he was going to pause halfway down and urinate on your Aunt Peggie’s outfit. Then run in every direction but the alter. In all fairness she looked like a giant plant. Who wears a green floral dress decorated with real flowers to a wedding?

By the time we caught him, everything was in disarray and the ceremony had to be rushed because the next party was waiting. Our vows we wrote for each other never spoken. Be honest you loved watching us try to catch him just as much as he liked us chasing him. Everyone was laughing so hard, including the priest, we damn near had to postpone the service.

After that I let you make the decisions, about money, running the house and care for the children. God if it were left up to me they would have had chocolate cake for breakfast and peanut butter jelly sandwiches for supper. Not really a bad choice, but I digress.

Slowly over time I ceased having a say, again my choice. However, on this I must vocalize my intentions. I have made a decision regarding us. I hope you will honor and respect my choice.

I think you know where I am going with this and as stated in the beginning of the letter I am asking you not to question but understand.

I hereby resign my inability to decide or arrive at a conclusion without over debating the topic.... Wait…, upon rereading this statement I realize it can be reworked and worded differently…..No I’m sticking with what I wrote.

I created an advanced directive and drew up a statement of release with our lawyer, Bill. He was hesitant, we were both more than a little frightened about what your response would be. It was easier for me after Bill pointed out that I would not be in the path of your wrath, but he would.

The Doctors have their instructions. You are to be handed this letter, say your goodbyes to me, they will take care of the rest. Leaving you is the hardest decision I ever made and believe me I debated long on this. You cared for me, nurtured me, and brought me up when I was at my lowest. You have done your share and would have continued in hopes for an outcome that will never be. I am no longer the man you once knew. For all you have done, I thank you. A man could not have had a better wife than I.

Lydia, this choice should not be your burden, I release you of any guilt you may feel for my decision. It is mine and mine alone.

It is time you let me go.

Therefore, I shall also temporarily resign my position as your husband in this life and will await you in the next.

Farewell my love, until we meet again,

Your reluctant hero.

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I feel a clarification is needed.

My wife and I are creating our Wills and power of attorney etc. This story was created from our conversations and contemplations of life.

My wife is an amazing person and I know she would have a hard time deciding what to do. While I wish that neither of us will be in a position to make a decision like this, you never know what life has in store for us.

Jason