The Dream That Won't Let Me Go

Journal: February 19, 2025

Every day, I feel the pull, a quiet, persistent force urging me forward, but simultaneously, it keeps me tethered in place. The idea of starting my own consumes my thoughts. It’s not just a fleeting dream; it’s something that lives and breathes in me, a fire that ignites my heart every time I allow myself to see it, to envision what could be.

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I can’t help but think about it constantly. The ideas flood my mind from the moment I wake up, like an endless cascade of possibilities, innovations, and opportunities. I jot down my ideas, fine-tune them, strategize, and research relentlessly. I study those who’ve walked the path I wish to take. I look to them as both inspiration and a reminder of the path I’m trying to carve out for myself. They make it look effortless, yet, I know their journey has been filled with struggles and battles.

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But every day, I find myself caught in the tension between desire and fear. It’s frustrating, achingly so. I find myself at the crossroads of “I could do this” and “But how do I start?” The weight of uncertainty feels overwhelming at times. I see the possibilities, but the steps to make them real seem just out of reach, blurry at times, as if I’m reaching through fog. The fear of failure, the weight of responsibility, the endless questions; I can’t seem to silence them. I am torn between my dreams and the constraints I feel.

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Sometimes I wonder, "Should I just scream out loud in frustration?" It feels like pressure building up inside me, this desire that cannot be fully realized yet. As a woman and a mother, there are many other layers to consider. My family's needs, responsibilities, and roles constantly vie with the relentless pull to leap into entrepreneurship. And yet, I know deep down that this isn’t just about me. It’s about building something significant; something that will leave a lasting legacy for my children.Something that reflects who I am, what I stand for, and what I believe is possible.

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I’ve weighed the options again and again. What is the right time? What is the right choice? What step do I take first? I’ve researched every angle and followed every lead, but sometimes I feel stuck in a loop. There are moments when I wish I could bypass the uncertainty and simply begin. But it’s not that easy. The reality of taking that first step is daunting, and sometimes I wonder if it will ever truly feel like the right time.

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But maybe it doesn’t have to feel perfect. Maybe it’s about trust, the trust in my ability, in my vision, and in the process of learning and growing along the way. After all, every successful one has had to face their fears and their doubts. Perhaps the answer isn’t to find a way to quiet the noise in my head but to embrace it. To accept that this is part of the journey.

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So I wait. Not passively, but actively. I keep dreaming, researching, and fine-tuning my ideas. I keep envisioning what could be. I am preparing, even when it doesn’t always feel like progress. Every day that I learn something new, every step I take, brings me closer. I believe that, if I keep at it, the moment will come when everything aligns, the time will be right, and I will have the courage to make it happen.

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For now, I will continue to hone my ideas, drawing wisdom from those who have walked the path before me. I will trust in myself, in my vision, and the boundless potential within me. When the time comes, I will step forward with unwavering purpose, relentless determination, and the understanding that every moment of waiting, longing, and dreaming has prepared me for this. I will get there, because the journey itself is shaping me into who I need to be.