Why I'm Going To Self-Publish

“Thank you for submitting this to us, Leah, but at the time we’re going to have to pass.”

I stared at the words in disbelief for a moment, but not because they were a rejection. I had been getting rejections since I’d started sending out query letters, and they no longer bothered me. What bothered me was that they’d gotten my name wrong. My name was Jade, and my protagonist’s name was Leah. It was clear they’d only skimmed through my submission, which was fine, but it opened my eyes.

At the time, I was nineteen years old, and far from being ready to publish. My manuscript wasn’t even completed, and it was the type of thing I cringe at whenever I’m looking through my documents and come across it. I was in love with the fantasy of seeing my book in bookstores. I could almost picture my name plastered across the most beautiful book cover, but to be honest, I was nowhere near ready for that experience.

I spent my free time on websites, looking for agents that represented the type of writing I wanted to do. I emailed at least ten a day, giving no thought to the fact that they may work at the same agency and that I was possibly ending up in everyone’s slush pile. Most rejections I received were form rejections, which are prewritten rejections that the agents send to everyone they’re not interested in. I was given no writing advice, and the only positive thing of note was one of the agents let me know that my query letter was great.

I kept on querying, until the day I received a rejection calling me by my character’s name. I didn’t have any right to feel hurt, but I did. I didn’t send them any samples, just a blurb, but it was enough for them to reject me. Not only that, but I wasn’t important enough to be addressed by my real name. That email was the reason I stopped querying.

I, like many other aspiring authors, see all the things published authors share. We see the flowers they send to their top-selling authors on their birthdays, and we read articles where they boost their positive relationships. I soon discovered that those posts and articles are all a fantasy. The only reason for the positive relationships between these people is book sales, and, it’s likely, the authors who sell less don’t receive the same favorable treatment.

I took a break from writing, unsure if I wanted to continue down that path. Despite my negative feelings, I never stopped studying the publishing world, and that’s when I heard about Amanda Hocking. Amanda Hocking wrote young adult, or YA, which is a genre I don’t typically read but I found her story inspiring. She was a self-published author who’d sold millions of copies of her books by herself. She wrote the books, designed the covers, and marketed her books. She was out there doing what I had only dreamed of, and she was doing it by herself. She also did this while working full time, which is a miracle.

I checked out her blog and watched every video I could find on her, and then I investigated self-publishing. The idea of self-publishing was still new at the time, with only a handful of people deciding to do it. The more I learned, the more I thought it was the right path for me. The work was harder, but I’d be in control of my books and my image as an author (sometimes authors are told to write under gender-neutral names to sell more books). I also wouldn’t have to share my profits with an agent who didn’t care about me.

I started working on a book again, but it wasn’t that I wrote something I truly loved. This book is special, so I’m going to take the proper steps to get it ready for publication, and I’m going to do all of that without an agent.