An art and a medicine

Art has a therapeutic quality associated with it. Growing up I appreciated arts, and participated in many different forms, including ceramics, scrapbooking, sewing, and baking. When I was younger, these crafts allowed me to connect with myself and others in a similar way that my sister could with sports. But, as I grew older, baking provided me with a much deeper value, than just a mere connection to myself and others. Last March, making pies gave me the healing and happiness I so desperately needed and longed for after being sexually assaulted; this type of connection with a craft cannot be fabricated.

During the summer of 2019, I was sexually assaulted. As a result, I was like a living corpse, lacking emotions and feelings. Shortly after that traumatic experience, I accepted a position in Cambodia to teach English. Upon return to the states, I wanted to somehow be “myself” again. However, it turns out that packing up your life will not provide healing; instead, my healing has been found through hours of counseling, exploring my faith, and baking.

In March 2020, I moved home early due to the escalating Covid situation. Between my living situation in Asia and college, I hadn’t spent much time in the kitchen since high school. Quarantine allowed me to make up for all that lost time. Pies have always been my favorite thing to bake. When I first learned to make a pie, my late grandpa, “Poppy” loved being my taste tester. Regardless of the outcome of my pie, Poppy would always eat it with a smile on his face; he enjoyed my latticed-topped apple pie most, though. I have extremely fond memories of baking pies for my grandpa.

For my first quarantine project it only seemed fitting to make a latticed-topped apple pie. Although it had been years since I had made a pie, it seemed like no time had passed. I remembered why I fell in love with baking — there’s this surreal joy that allows me to momentarily escape the worries and troubles of this life. As I baked throughout lockdown, the numbness that I had felt from being a victim of sexual assault started to fade; I started to feel emotions again, even happiness — it was such a relief to learn that spending a few hours in the kitchen could not only provide a delightful dessert, but also boost my endorphins.

About a month into my quarantine baking, my mom told her friends about my pie obsession. One friend then offered to purchase a pie; however, I thought her friend was joking — he wasn’t, though. I delivered his chocolate cream pie the following day. It was then that I realized I no longer had to pursue a career that I wasn’t truly passionate about. Instead, I could pursue a path that may not have the desired financial outcome, but could provide a more fulfilling outcome. After selling that cream pie, I started my own small baking business; I wanted to not only provide people with high quality baked goods, but also create food that individuals would want to share with loved ones over memorable, and meaningful conversations.

A few weeks after selling my first pie, I started selling at my local farmer’s market. Although there was another pie maker, who had been participating for several seasons, I sold out. It was truly incredible and humbling to receive the positive feedback from these strangers who had just purchased pies from me; nearly all of them commented on the evident passion I had about my baked goods. They even said that “my eyes light up” while describing my desserts and telling how I got into baking. And it’s true — I have never had the passion I have for baking, or even discussing about the art itself, in any other area of my life.

After participating at several markets, though, a number of my friends asked me, “Do you still enjoy baking as much?”. Without hesitation, I answered, “Absolutely! If anything, I love baking even more.”. One reason I had fallen even more in love with baking is the meaningful relationships that I had built with my customers, whom I now considered friends. There were quite a few people who came back each week to purchase their favorite item, or even try new items. These individuals often shared photos and stories of who they shared their last week’s purchase with.

One of my favorite memories was a customer who received a rhubarb pie. Her mother made her a rhubarb pie every year for her birthday; however, my customer hadn’t received one for several years because her mother had passed away. For her birthday, someone purchased a rhubarb pie to be delivered on her birthday. This simple, yet meaningful, gesture brought tears to my customer’s eyes. It was a beautiful thing to witness the power of food; that pie was no longer just a dessert, rather it was a symbol of her late mother’s love for her. Very few people ever find a hobby, let alone, a career that they truly enjoy the entire process. It’s special that making pies brings me just as much fulfillment and joy as hearing, or in this case witnessing, a customer enjoy their baked good.

Because of a pandemic I turned my baking hobby into a small business. However, more importantly, I found joy again. Furthermore, baking is no longer just my hobby, but it is my true passion. With a new goal in mind and a burning desire to succeed in the baking world, I am looking forward to expanding my knowledge in the vast array of pastries and baking by attending pastry school this coming fall. My hope is that with enough dedication and handwork, and furthering my education and skills, I can share even more delicious baked goods, happiness and my love of baking with others.