Dear Body: You Are Worthy, and You Are More Than Enough

You will have less than perfect days, but it’s okay because guess what? It’s normal! You're only human, and you are not REQUIRED to be perfect and at 100 percent all the time. Being 100 percent okay all the time is exhausting. It’s okay to have your moments, but don’t stay in those moments, those lows, for too long. Because you have so ,so much to be grateful for and a lot to celebrate.

Dear Body: Thank you for staying strong, even when I put you through hell and back in middle school and high school.

I will admit, looking back now, I never really gave myself enough credit for surviving through middle and high school and my home life. Puberty did me no favors, and came at me like a high speed semi on the freeway. Giving me the most awkward years of my life. While all of my other friends were "blossoming," it felt as though I was going the wrong direction. My thighs were big, my bum grew to match my legs, while my upper half stayed small. I was athletic, but in those days, at that school, I was considered "fat." I remember getting physically sick at the thought of having to go to school. I remember developing self hate towards myself and my own reflection. I remember being torn, everyday, between either getting out of bed and suffering through school and the snickers and whispers or staying home and feeling the brunt force of my parents marital issues. I remember my mother showing me her high school pictures. She was popular, she was a cheerleader, she was so pretty, and she had a boyfriend, so why wasn’t I the same? She didn’t understand. But I did.

Because I was different. I wasn’t meant to be like her. Instead I represented my father, and everything he encompassed. I took on his Native American features and build. I preferred playing video games and sports with my brothers and dad instead of doing makeup and dressing up. I preferred to watch the stars at night, instead of getting wasted and messing around with boys at parties. There came a time when, instead of shutting myself away from everything, I began to mold myself into what I thought the people around me would accept. I began to drop my bond with my dad and brothers for makeup and hair, for clothes and began running myself into the ground (literally) so I could for once fit in. But looking back, I wouldn’t trade those moments at home, bonding with my brothers and father, for anything. Life happens so fast, and learning to appreciate what you have when you have it is a hard lesson to learn.

But man, if I could tell myself anything, in those years, in those moments even, it's that you WILL make it out alive and your life will fall into place more beautifully and unlike anything you could ever have planned.

To me, beauty is skin deep, and I truly believe that. You could be the most beautiful human on the planet on the exterior, but what about your soul? And that’s something I didn’t understand, but I do now. True beauty radiates like sunshine in between clouds. Something shifts when you become happy, and blissed out with YOU and your LIFE. Your aura becomes filled with pinks and blues. You attract good energy, you attract good vibes. This is the level of beauty I strive for. A beautiful soul. I used to obsess over my hair, my makeup, my nails, my tan, my body, my clothes, but then I realized that even after I had those things and achieved what I "thought" to be my perfect ideal look, nothing changed. I still felt less than enough, and I didn’t get it. It wasn’t 'til I realized I had to work on my inner self before my outer self could truly shine.

Acknowledge this: We have gone through it, in this life. We are thrown through endless hoops daily. It’s an endless roller coaster. So applaud yourself, celebrate those wins no matter how big or small. It isn’t conceited to look in the mirror and like what you see. It’s healthy! Dance around your room and do the things that make your heart sing, that make your eyes well up with tears of pure joy and excitement. This is the way life is meant to be lived.

You’ve made it through every trial and tribulation so far, and even though your only 22 years young, you've still got a lot of highs and lows ahead to go, still got a lot of life to live. But damn, here you are still shining through it, even after everything. I believe in you, and I’m damn proud of you.