Know Your Worth: Stop Seeking Approval from Others

I learned the hard way that, no matter what you do, if the other person doesn't see your worth, it won't make a difference. This applies to every aspect of your life, whether it's your job, relationships, or anything else.

One of the things my toxic job taught me is that I can do everything right, be an excellent professional, and still have my team leader and boss overlook my value and worth. No matter how much effort I put in, I can make a positive impact at work or help others, but in the end, it won’t make any difference.

Let me tell you my story.

My team leader or another person in charge would show their displeasure with me, and I would try to chase after them and please them. I lost my own essence trying to please someone who didn’t want to be pleased. I was completely desperate for their approval, for hearing that I was a good professional and that I did my job well. To be recognized.

I work extremely hard, and I did the impossible to meet the deadlines. I put work above my own health, even skipping medical appointments. While my colleagues would slip away during working hours, I always stayed and gave my best.

All the efforts I made were in vain. It didn’t matter what I did, because they never acknowledged it, nor did I hear anything positive from them. Meanwhile, I saw colleagues who didn’t put in the effort I did being recognized simply because others saw something in them. And I began to lose my self-esteem and think I wasn’t worthy.

It hurt to witness how she spoke to others with warmth while directing coldness and aggression toward me. It brought me to tears. I constantly ask myself what I did to deserve this cold treatment, especially since she never gave me any feedback or let me know what the problem was. Others, who aren't as professional as I was, receive warmth instead. It just feels so unfair.

There was proof of my work, yet the feeling of injustice and not knowing why consumed me. She didn’t even try to hide it. She showed her coldness in front of everyone, and others noticed. They started to see me as someone inferior too.

But it was when I hit rock bottom that I realized it didn’t matter what I did, they would never see my worth. At some point, I even started to believe their perception. It was a difficult time, but little by little, I began to heal with self-compassion and the support of those who cared about me.

It’s not easy to heal, and it takes time. I had to deconstruct some beliefs, surround myself with people who cared about me, practice gratitude, and follow people who inspire me. It was a complex process, but it was worth it.

Through a lot of self-work, I realized that my value doesn’t depend on their validation but on my own acceptance and recognition of my efforts.

When I think about this, it makes me so sad that I allowed myself to do that. Today, I see that I am more qualified for my job, with more skills and intelligence than those they appreciate. I was simply in the wrong place, surrounded by the wrong people.

I put in the effort to please and sacrificed my well-being to satisfy someone who wished me harm. Instead, I should have held my head high and fought to find a better place for myself.

What I’ve learned is to recognize my own value and understand that I matter. People can be mean, and no matter how much joy or kindness you bring, they won't always respond the same way.

My advice to everyone is to know your value. Even if the world is against you, know your worth. Please prioritize your own life, because you matter.

Remember, your value does not decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.