My Pandemic Puppy Saved Me

I adopted Barker from a local shelter in September 2020. I was told that he was the runt of his litter. The entire litter ended up being born at the shelter, when the breeder unfortunately contracted Covid-19 shortly after the female dog got pregnant. I was told she had underlying health conditions, and, sadly, passed away due to the illness. She owned both the male and the female dogs, and had never had the chance to post an add to sell the puppies. She apparently had no next of kin, so all the dogs went to the shelter, where the female dog gave birth.

Because he was so small, all the other puppies in the litter had been adopted, and Barker was the last one left when I went to the shelter. He sat there in his little cage, all alone. He shoulders hunch dejectedly. I immediately saw the parallel between him, and the version of me I had experienced over the past several months. The version of me who spent most of my time isolated and alone, due to the pandemic, only occasionally being able to see my boyfriend, who was working shift work out of town.

I filled out the paper work, and Barker came home with me that same day. He was so tiny, and fluffy. I could also tell by the way he was shaking, that he was terrified about where he was going next. The shelter was the only thing he had ever known, and all his brothers and sisters had left him.

When I brought him to my apartment, the first thing he did was run over to the rug near the kitchen sink, where he had a little accident. Then he started exploring. I quickly realized that he was small enough to fit under the bed, so I needed to pile books along the sides of the bed, so that he wouldn’t be able to get under there and hide. Those early days were a lot of work. Getting up in the middle of the night to take him to the bathroom, or getting him some water. Making sure he wasn’t eating or chewing things he shouldn’t.

Barker learned the rules of the apartment quickly. He would take long naps during the day, when I was working, occasionally playing with toys. He learned not to chew on the furniture, and not to bark at every little noise my upstairs neighbours made. He learned to sit, stay, fetch, and to roll over.

Unfortunately, due to the pandemic he wasn’t able to meet many people. He met a few of my friends and family, during socially-distanced outdoor walks. He also met my boyfriend. Barker and my boyfriend didn’t really seem to get along. My boyfriend didn’t love him the same way I did. I never saw him pet Barker or laugh when he did something funny. My boyfriend would just complain when Barker would whine or bark. However, at the time, this didn’t really bother me, not everyone is a dog person, and my boyfriend was out of town so much he didn’t really have much of a chance to get to know Barker yet.

This is probably a good time to make it clear that Barker has been my dog since I adopted him. While we had been dating for years, my boyfriend and I weren’t living together at the time, so I adopted Barker myself. I did all the work with Barker’s training, and taking care of him. I didn’t expect my boyfriend to help, and I never asked him for help.

Due to Covid, we weren’t able to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with our families. Barker, my boyfriend, and I, just spent the holidays by ourselves. My boyfriend had some time off work, so he was able to be home with me. While not ideal, it was one of the best Christmases I have ever had. We FaceTimed our families to open presents, and cooked our own turkey. I was just so grateful that at least the two of us were able to be together, and that we were still able to share some holiday traditions with our families. It felt nice for it to be just the two of us, and with Barker it was like we were a little family.

After New Year’s Eve is when everything started to become isolated again. My boyfriend start working out of town again. While there were of course health and safety protocols at his place of work, we both felt that until everyone knew more about the Covid-19 variants, that it would be a good idea for us to be careful in seeing each other, because neither of us wanted to get each other sick. However, we called each other everyday. I talked about work, and about all the funny things Barker had done that day. He would tell me about his day at work as well. But there wasn’t really much else to talk about, because the pandemic and the restrictions were preventing us from going out and doing other things.

I always looked forward to our conversations at the end of day. While I would also call family and friends regularly, nothing made me as happy as hearing his voice on the phone. He was my person, and I trusted him more than anyone. That’s why I was so devastated and hurt when he showed up one day randomly, and just called things off. It was over just like that. I didn’t understand why at the time, and I don’t think I will ever understand.

Unfortunately, due to the pandemic, it’s a lot more difficult to deal with a break up. I couldn’t go out with my friends and family. In fact, due to rising number in Covid cases and a third wave starting, couldn’t even go to visit them at all. Right now, all I can do is regularly FaceTime and call people, with work keeping me busy during the day.

Since the break up, Barker has honestly been my saving grace. At first, I don’t think he understood what was going on. He had never seen me cry or be sad before. He would just watch me, with big eyes, and whine. I think he felt a bit helpless, like there wasn’t anything he could do. Then he started just snuggling in beside me during moments when I was feeling sad, or starting to cry. If I was sitting at my desk chair, he would lay on my feet. It I was sitting on the couch, or laying on the bed, he would jump beside me. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I wake up to find his paw on my shoulder, just to let me know that he is there. Other times, I wake up in the morning to find him watching me from the foot of the bed. Instead of immediately waking me up, once he wakes up, so that he could go outside to the bathroom, like he would normally, he made sure I was getting my rest.

Taking care of Barker also gets me out of the apartment everyday. We go for a walk during my lunch break, and then again after I am done work. That has been helpful to get me outside for a change of scenery. I don’t know that I would have the willpower to do that by myself, if I didn’t have him.

Most recently, I will be in the middle of doing something, and he will just come sit in front of me and look me right in the eye. It’s almost as if he is asking me how I am doing, or if everything is okay. Once I tell him that I am doing okay, he will go get a chew toy or ball and play.

When I adopted Barker, I could never have imagined that the pandemic would still be raging, and even picking up momentum, nearly eight months later. I could also never have imagined that the person I thought I was going to be spending the rest of my life with would leave in such a sudden and dramatic way. I just thought I was adopting a puppy, and saving it from spending another night all alone in its little cage at the shelter. In reality, I brought home the fiercest and most loyal little friend. I am forever thankful that Barker is part of my life.

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Please remember to adhere to public health guidance from the health authorities where you live. Everyone has experienced some sort of loss over the course of this pandemic. We need to act together to bring this pandemic to an end, and prevent further stories of loss and grief.