Do I blow this up now?
or do I sit through the discomfort
pause to wait and see
give it time
like I always do
until I hit the point of no return
the dead end highway where I must
stop or plummet down the edge of a cliff
crash and shatter into a million pieces
erupt into a fiery inferno
+++
Is it really that much better?
this slow and gradual deadening,
numbing and losing myself
one insignificant piece at a time
I've been so quiet,
afraid of crumbling
when I look in the mirror again
I don't recognize myself
those parts actually mattered after all
+++
Am I really this accommodating?
so willing to disintegrate my own needs
to keep us alive
to keep the dream of a future with you
with a version of you
that no longer exists
the one I fell in love with
the one I keep this vigil for
+++
What am I afraid of?
that I will miss you so much
regret this choice
live the rest of my life alone
tear my hope to shreds
should have, would have, could have
didn't
+++
How will this end?
when neither of us has
the courage to smash the wall
that has risen between us
terrified we will cause irreversible
damage
+++
Is this really how it breaks?
after so much investment
its not a commitment issue or a lack of care
its simply that we are no longer the same
we can't keep reducing ourselves to fragments to keep the other
+++
Can I be happy without you?
I've told myself its either you or no one
if this second chance scatters to the wind
then I must learn to find joy within the destruction
+++
Can I be brave?
When the choice is to rupture or risk discomfort
with a chance to redefine ourselves
+++
Can we repair this?
It takes two to keep choosing us
+++
Do you love me?
-------------------------------------------
Author's note: I didn't originally set out with intention on the visual display of the slow disintegration with the number of lines per verse reducing, but it formed organically, and so I followed the inspiration.
About the Creator
Sarah Lenn
Using writing as a way to capture snapshots of emotion on a screen whilst life happens. And life has thrown me some curve balls. Always striving to find a path through the chaos...
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A Letter to the Firestarter
Dear Firestarter, We can all see you, we've been watching you since you began. In case you didn't know we were here before you and we will be here after. We witnessed your rise, your setbacks, your guilt and your lies. We witnessed you start the fire.
By Donny Foley4 days ago in Poets
Comments (2)
I love how you capture the slow unraveling of love with such precision and restraint. It’s heartbreak written with grace.
You’ve captured the ache of staying vs. leaving so powerfully. I’ve been there before!