Color Me Crazy

the black and white pages invite you

to follow inside the lines with your pencil,

but some like to cross the boundaries

and create their own masterpieces

that may look like chaos to the rest

but make perfect sense to their eyes.

*

you breathed life into an image, an ideal,

by coaxing out the truth within the picture

while I just stood by and watched and envied

because you were just too good, a rarity,

that gleaming comet sparking orange,

and all the teachers loved you for it.

*

but my worst of it was being second-best,

gone away from praise and awards,

while I watched you climb the stars

as if they were each stepping stones

on your way to greatness absolute—

and I didn't want to be left behind.

*

some called you my rival—yes, it was true—

and I didn't know what or where I'd be

without chasing after your kite tails

as they cascaded behind you in brilliance,

all the colors of the rainbow reminding me

that I was just gray and black and white.

*

but the curtains fell on the final act

before I'd even realized you were gone,

your presence becoming vintage overnight,

and I still imagine sepia tones for you

like you're something from a bygone era

when, really, I still measure myself to you.

*

I'm slowly trying to find all my own colors,

thinking back to how you let yourself be free,

no matter if you were blue or green or pink,

and I wonder sometimes if you think of me—

that hopeless girl who trailed your footsteps

as if you had every answer beneath the skies.

*

it wasn't love that bound us, definitely not,

but you were my first real passion (of a kind)

and I filled blank pages with how you affected me,

till I looked back at all those mismatched words

and laughed at the absurdity of how I latched on

when you were just what I wanted to be back then.

*

though I still color in the lines every single time,

sometimes I wonder where you are nowadays,

what kind of person you grew into over time,

and I just know we'd still be more foe than friend—

but you taught me to use the whole box of colors

instead of just settling for a scatter of broken pencils.