Dear Life

Dear Life,

We have been in this love/ hate relationship for a very long time, and it isn’t going well. I am writing to let you know how disappointed I am with you. I’m sure you are likely disappointed in me as well. We need to get some closure with each other before I leave, which, after so many years, could be anytime now.

In the beginning, when things were new, we were excited, curious and hopeful. We played and laughed, sometimes 'til we cried. We made big plans and tried new things. We were interested in each other and what we might accomplish together. We were often dancing and singing, even though it was horribly off key. We didn’t think we had limitations. We thought we would make each other happy and we gave it our all.

Early on in our union things started to go downhill, and we started fighting all too often. I was naïve and trusting, believing you were fair, and good, and kind. I had seen very few glimpses of your dark side for the first decade or so. Then you became comfortable with showing it more often. I couldn’t believe it at first, and justified whatever bad things you did.

You constantly let me know what a disappointment I was to you, never letting me forget how inferior and powerless I was. I learned soon enough that you were a cruel partner. You manipulated me and indoctrinated me with some of your wicked ways. You were like Lucy with a football; always promising to not move the ball, yet watching me kick time after time as you yanked it away, landing me flat on my back.

Then, like an abusive husband you would flip like a light switch, and bring flowers, apologies, and more promises of great times. Those times were magical. You were on your best behavior with us dancing and singing again like we had way back when. Laughing and so happy together, I still cling to those moments in time. They sustained me in the dark times – a hint of a promise of hope.

In the end, I can’t forgive you for so much of what you do. War, poverty, hunger, violence, brutality and your callous disregard for human suffering. You flaunt it and think you are strong because of your sociopathic tendencies. I can’t respect you, knowing what you’ve done and unapologetically continue to do.

It’s not that you have treated me, personally, as horrifically as you have treated so many others, it is that you do it at all, to anyone. We have always disagreed about what would make us happy, but at the end of the day, it’s a no-win situation. The things that make you happy will never make me happy, and my nature will always make you see me as weak and bothersome.

When our time together is over, I only ask one thing of you. I ask that you please reevaluate the way you treat people. I encourage you to be kinder and gentler in all your relationships. I hope you will tire of hurting and abusing the people you embrace, and will try to see a different way of doing things. I’ll end my rant with gratitude for the magical times, and with forgiveness for you ever showing me your disturbingly wicked side. I have to forgive you for me, not for you.

Sincerely,

Bonita Peterson