Drowning In Maybe

Maybe he’ll change.

Maybe I’m overreacting.

Maybe that message meant nothing,

Maybe it meant everything.

﹁﹂

My life became a waiting room

with no receptionist,

no clock I could trust,

Just me refreshing the same pain

Like it might load differently today.

﹁﹂

I held my breath through whole weeks,

shoulders up, smile on,

pretending uncertainty was romantic

mystery, suspense, butterflies.

﹁﹂

But butterflies shouldn’t feel like nausea.

They shouldn’t keep you up at 2 a.m.

Rewriting your worth

in the notes app.

﹁﹂

I was drowning in maybe,

treading water in a dress I couldn’t swim in,

waving at people on shore

Like I was fine.

﹁﹂

Then one morning, sunlight hit the sink

And I saw my own face

tired of negotiating.

Just tired.

﹁﹂

So I did a small, rude thing:

I chose certainty.

Not about him

about me.

﹁﹂

I blocked the number.

I went outside.

I let the air enter my lungs

like it belonged there.

﹁﹂

The quiet afterward scared me,

But it also tasted clean.

Like water that doesn’t ask questions.