First Draft

The world has forgotten I exist

I forgot my own voice

I stay up at night and sleep during the day

I want to mold my body as if it were clay

I am unlovable but also unforgettable

I am the raindrops tapping on your window

I am the wind that blew your letter away

I am dark and I am vain

The doctors have declared me insane

I am old-fashioned and bad with technology

I am what you want me to be

Ever-changing, inconsistent

Coming and going

Never knowing where I stand

Sometimes I want my life to end

But then I remember by unwritten lines

The unforgettable times

I remember a pair of blue eyes, a pair of green

A purple flower

A clove cigarette

I ain't lived anything yet

I am thirty-six and grey

But my heart longs for more

Born a girl but male at heart

I never auditioned for this part

If God created me in his image

Why am I disabled and trans?

It used to break my heart as a child

It still drives me wild

Is my body a first draft?

Will I ever keep my so-called poetry?

Do I matter?